Oscar Pistorius is being charged with murder!
Not sure what his defence team will do - he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
02-15-2013 07:05 AM
#376
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Oscar Pistorius is being charged with murder! | |
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02-15-2013 09:47 AM
#377
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Late at night a couple listens to the radio in bed before sleeping: "we announce 4 inches of snowfall tomorrow, so please park you car on the odd-numbered side of the street". | |
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02-15-2013 11:39 PM
#378
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Accident Report | |
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02-15-2013 11:44 PM
#379
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This guy picks random ads online and in the newspapers and replies to them. There is some awesome stuff in there: | |
Last edited by daviddem; 02-16-2013 at 12:06 AM.
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02-18-2013 06:52 PM
#380
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05-19-2013 03:52 PM
#381
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Saw a dwarf carrying a TV back to his car earlier. | |
08-02-2013 03:45 PM
#382
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A father and son are in a car crash. The father dies at the scene, the boy is rushed to the hospital. At the hospital the surgeon looks at the boy and says: I cannot operate on this boy, I am a woman. | |
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08-04-2013 11:50 AM
#383
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Last edited by chemist; 08-04-2013 at 12:05 PM. | |
08-04-2013 03:44 PM
#384
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08-04-2013 05:33 PM
#385
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08-04-2013 05:39 PM
#386
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I wonder if these things are real anyway. Someone once bought me a book for xmas or bday or w/e called the time wasters letters, which were similar things but the communication was started with a letter to a company. My favourite one was a letter to a scarecrow company (or something similar) asking if they'd be interested in his new designs. They responded yes and he sent them diagrams and descriptions of various scarecrows made of meat. | |
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08-22-2013 08:05 AM
#387
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What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? | |
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08-22-2013 09:57 AM
#388
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08-23-2013 04:29 AM
#389
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Nah, I just knew the riddle. | |
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08-23-2013 09:13 AM
#390
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Social psychology and especially 'a brief history of humankind', I lack the words to explain who amazing they are, seriously. Only been 2 lectures so far of history and he uses an evolutionairy theory + game theory approach as a way to matter of fact explain everything. It's going to sound controversial what he says to most people (it's what he says too in the intro) but it's completely and totally up my league of thinking and what I consider the only right way of approaching life. Learning so much. | |
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08-23-2013 12:02 PM
#391
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I'm taking Social Psychology, too, and it's pretty awesome (auditing, I guess -- I'm not doing the assignments). I took Intro to Finance earlier this year, which was really good, too. | |
08-23-2013 12:48 PM
#392
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If you're interested in physics, there's a few MIT courses that are on youtube. Dr. Walter Lewin is an amazing professor and every lecture has a demonstration to show you what he's describing. These lectures were an essential companion to my own education during freshman year. | |
Last edited by MadMojoMonkey; 08-23-2013 at 12:54 PM. | |
08-23-2013 12:59 PM
#393
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Wow, wrong thread. | |
08-23-2013 01:25 PM
#394
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tsk tsk, wrong thread again - http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...st-195491.html | |
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08-27-2013 11:54 AM
#395
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If you throw a piano down a mine-shaft, in what key is the resulting noise? | |
08-27-2013 12:47 PM
#396
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” | |
08-27-2013 01:28 PM
#397
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A penguin is driving around when his car starts overheating. He's no expert, but he's cautious, so he pulls his car into a mechanic's shop and explains what's going on. The mechanic tells the penguin that he's happy to take a look at the engine, but it will take a couple of hours. | |
08-27-2013 05:38 PM
#398
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is it customary in St Louis to add a line after a punch line to soften the blow? | |
08-27-2013 05:42 PM
#399
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haha that's funny, penguins can't drive cards. That'd be dangerous. |
08-27-2013 06:12 PM
#400
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"Looks like you blew a seal." gets grins | |
08-28-2013 08:36 PM
#401
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Bob and Niel were driving down the road and seen a sheep with its head caught in a fence so they pull over and Bob has his way with the sheep then he turns to Niel and says OK your turn now. OK but I'm not putting my head in that fence. | |
08-30-2013 12:49 PM
#402
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A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin. | |
08-30-2013 02:36 PM
#403
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Loved reading all the jokes. Really cheered me up. | |
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09-24-2013 11:15 AM
#404
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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" | |
09-30-2013 02:30 PM
#405
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A doctor answers his phone at home on a Friday night. His colleague says, “We need an eighth player for poker.” The doctor replied, “Hold on. I’ll be there ASAP.” As he was grabbing his coat and keys, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “It sure is,” he said. “There are already seven other doctors there!” | |
09-30-2013 06:01 PM
#406
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A man stays over at his friend's house. After dinner he says the plates don't look quite clean. His friend says "They're as clean as cold water can get 'em." Next day same thing. When the man is getting ready to leave, his friend yells out to his dog, "Coldwater! Come and say goodbye." | |
10-11-2013 09:59 PM
#407
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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, " What do you mean $200!" | |
10-12-2013 06:58 AM
#408
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10-12-2013 11:45 AM
#409
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25 yrs ago Ronald Reagan was president, we hand Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope..... |
10-13-2013 07:16 PM
#410
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Dear Dad, | |
10-13-2013 07:22 PM
#411
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A blond and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. | |
10-13-2013 07:29 PM
#412
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Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving! | |
10-16-2013 09:45 PM
#413
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A pirate walks into a pub with a steering wheel in his pants and limps over to the bar. | |
10-24-2013 01:04 AM
#414
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There are 10 types of people in the world: | |
10-24-2013 11:53 AM
#415
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There are two types of people in the world: Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data. | |
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10-26-2013 11:26 PM
#416
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A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." | |
10-28-2013 10:59 PM
#417
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If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France? | |
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10-30-2013 02:50 AM
#418
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wanted to press the like button for some of these ^, | |
Last edited by chemist; 10-30-2013 at 03:02 AM. | |
10-30-2013 09:50 AM
#419
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What did the pirate say to the statistician? | |
10-30-2013 07:01 PM
#420
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. | |
10-30-2013 07:04 PM
#421
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"Where are you going?" demands a surprised husband. " | |
10-30-2013 07:33 PM
#422
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10-30-2013 07:42 PM
#423
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The joke is it's implying someones car has broken down and they require a push which is the cure for a number of car related mishaps. The humour arrises when we find that this mans car hasn't broken down at all, one of very few reasons we would knock on a strangers door at 3am, but instead is on a swing on of the few other times someone may require a push yet such an fantastical faux pas. |
11-08-2013 10:27 PM
#424
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A blonde decided to rent her first porno. So she went to the video store and picked out a tape with a title that sounded sexy. She drove home, lit some candles, took off her clothes and placed the tape in the VCR, but nothing appeared on her screen except static. So she called the video store and complained. She said "I just rented a porno from you and there's nothing on the tape but static. The clerk replies "Sorry about that, which movie is it?" She replies "Head Cleaner"!!! | |
11-08-2013 11:06 PM
#425
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BANNED
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HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME |
Last edited by ChipEaterMan; 11-08-2013 at 11:09 PM. | |
11-12-2013 02:48 PM
#426
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The rules of the thread: | |
11-24-2013 07:08 PM
#427
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A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time. | |
11-24-2013 07:16 PM
#428
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An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home. | |
11-24-2013 07:20 PM
#429
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A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. | |
11-24-2013 07:21 PM
#430
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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?'' | |
11-29-2013 10:38 PM
#431
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A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living. | |
11-29-2013 10:40 PM
#432
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Smart man + smart woman = romance | |
12-21-2013 05:54 PM
#433
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Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner, but his wife was already preparing breakfast in the kitchen. | |
12-21-2013 06:00 PM
#434
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An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality. | |
12-22-2013 07:28 PM
#435
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You've really got to hand it to blind prostitutes. | |
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12-28-2013 01:39 PM
#436
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A young woman had given birth in the elevator of a New Delhi hospital, and was embarrassed about it. | |
12-28-2013 02:06 PM
#437
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A woman walks up to her husband and tells him to make her a sandwich. | |
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01-28-2014 12:12 PM
#438
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A man had to choose one of his three girlfriends to marry. He decided to give each one $5,000 and see how they spent it. | |
01-28-2014 12:13 PM
#439
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Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course? | |
01-28-2014 12:19 PM
#440
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A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. | |
01-30-2014 04:17 PM
#441
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A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" | |
01-30-2014 04:18 PM
#442
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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? | |
01-30-2014 04:19 PM
#443
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Q: What is every blonde's ambition? | |
02-13-2014 06:00 PM
#444
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Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. | |
02-13-2014 06:06 PM
#445
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A man walks into a lawyer's office and inquires about the rates. | |
02-18-2014 05:43 AM
#446
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Have you heard of those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines | |
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03-02-2014 08:09 PM
#447
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An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: | |
03-25-2014 07:29 PM
#448
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Some gold here: | |
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03-25-2014 07:29 PM
#449
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What is the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic? - having to walk inside and ask to borrow a coat hanger | |
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03-25-2014 08:52 PM
#450
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