My Joke - If you read you must reply w/ a better one

[flomo]

after all the jokes in this thread, bodeist is asking for approval
you must have one bad ass joke

good luck in strike onesville

[jiggajake]

a catholic priest and a rabbi co-own an adoption agency, tragically the orphanage catches fire one day, "what should we do?" exclaimed the priest
"well we've got to get out of here, but our car only has room for 2 people"
"Well what about the children?" says the priest
"FUCK THE CHILDREN" the rabbi snapped
"Do we have time?" .........

[gabe]

haha

[KY_Ace]

A man is vacationing in Jamaica with his wife. He is taking a leak and this Rastaman notices that he has the letters WDY Tatooed on his penis, the Rasta had to ask him why, the vacationer replied "I got it for my wife, when I get an erection the tatoo reads WENDY". The next day the tourist is taking a leak and he sees the same rasta taking a leak and he notices that the rasta has the letters WDY tatooed on his penis now, he asks "Is your wife named Wendy too?", the rasta says proudly, "Nah mon, I got it for ya wife mon, when I get an erection it reads welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day!"

[GatorJH]

What is easier to unload - a truckload of bowling balls or a truckload of dead baby's?

The dead baby's, you can use a pitchfork.

edit - Didn't see page two before posting this. Sorry for the re-run

[GatorJH]

Little Billy, Johnny and Davey were sitting in their room when mom called up - "You guys come on down for breakfast".

Little Davey is the first to get up, wanders downstairs and into the kitchen where mom asks - "What would you like for breakfast Davey?". Without hesitation Davey replies "How about some damn Oatmeal". Mom instantly smacks Davey upside the head and sends him over to stand in the corner.

Billy and Johnny hear all of this and look at each other to see who is going downstairs next. Johnny gets up and heads downstairs, glances at Davey standing in the corner while mom asks - "Well Johnny, what would you like for breakfast?".

In his nicest, most pleasing voice Johnny replies - "Can I please have some damn oatmeal?" In a fit of rage mom smacks Johnny the entire time she is leading him to stand in the other corner.

Reluctantly Billy comes downstairs and steps into the kitchen. Mom gives him a stern look and asks the same question she asked of his brothers. Billy looks over at Johnny, then glances at Davey and back at mom, who also looks at the other two brothers and says - "Well?"

Billy, stands there fidgeting for a moment, then solves the dilemma in his head and as proudly as he can exclaims - "Well you can bet your ass I don't want any damn oatmeal!".

[bode]

let me preface this by saying i am in no way a racist, and this j0ke is not horribly offensive, but i could be offensive to some.


A black guy and his son are on a flight about halfway through the trip, when the plane experiences some heavy turbulence. The pilot comes over the intercom and tells everyone that one of the 4 engines has failed. The pilot assures everyone that the plane is fine, but if another engine fails they will have to get rid of some of the weight on the plane.

After a few more minutes the plane shakes violently again, and the pilot announces that they lost the use of a second engine. The pilot says, "In order to lessen the load on the last 2 engines, were going to have to ask some of the passengers to jump out the door." "In order to do this as fair as possible," the pilot says, "were going to ask people to get off in alphabetical order based on race."

"Lets start with the A's", the pilot says. "All the African-Americans please come to the front and jump out the door."

The little boy looks at his dad, and they dont budge.

The pilot continues, "OK, if there are no African Americans we will move on to the B's. Any black people please come to the front and jump out the door."

Again the little boy looks at his dad for direction, and again the dad doesnt move.

The pilot says, "OK, no black people, lets go to the C's. All Colored people, please come to the front of the plane and jump out the door."

Now the little boy is getting confused and looks at his dad and says, "Dad, they have called us 3 times. How come we havent gone yet?"

The dad looks at him and says, "Son, were N***ers today, the Mexicans are going first!"

[jiggajake]

why couldnt helen keller drive?





cause shes a woman

[bode]

why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?






so you can see the expression on its face.

[swiggidy]

This one isn't obscene, but I think it's funny.

Teacher: There are three birds sitting on a wire. If you shoot one how many are left?
Jonny: Zero, because when you shoot the first one the other two will fly away.
Teacher: Well, the answer I was looking for was 2 but I like the way you think.

At recess Jonny walks over to the teacher and points at three women sitting on a bench.
Jonny: Teacher, which one isn't married.
The teacher looks, one is eating a brownie, one is licking a popsicle, and one is eating a cookie
Teacher: The one licking the popsicle?
Jonny: No, the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think

[KY_Ace]

What is this obsession with dead babies???

I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies??

[bigred]

why couldnt helen keller drive?





cause shes a woman

one of my all time favs

[Anonymous]

Whats the difference between Poker and Church?











When you pray at the table you really mean it.

[biondino]

What nationality is Mr Sheen?

Polish.

[Irisheyes]

A guy with two left feet walks into a shoe shop and says...


Have you got any flip-flips?

[mrhappy333]

Why don't tampons talk to each other?
Because their stuck up Cunts.
Answers in white
Why did the farmer cross the road?
his dick was stuck in the chicken.

[mrhappy333]

What is this obsession with dead babies???

I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies??

QFT!!

[mrhappy333]

for your kids,
what did the necktie say to the tophat?

you go on ahead, and I'll just hang around.

[bode]

2 guys walk into a bar....



the third one ducks.

[bigred]

What is this obsession with dead babies???

I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies??

I wish I had a dead baby to throw at you.

[givememyleg]

What happened to following the thread guidelines that clearly state If you read you must reply w/ a better one?

[bigred]

What happened to following the thread guidelines that clearly state If you read you must reply w/ a better one?

Giveme, if you respond to this thread, plz reply with a joke. You are not following the rules.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?




Art.

[Warpe]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

...in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

...on your front doorstep?

Matt.

[Greedo017]

what's black and sits at the top of the stairs?





stephen hawking in a housefire

[jyms]

What do you tell a women with two black eyes.



Nothing, you already told her twice.

[Greedo017]

What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?


Ripping it back off.



What's red and white and sits in the corner?



A baby playing with a razor blade

[bode]

What do you tell a women with two black eyes.



Nothing, you already told her twice.

classic

[dsmrolla06]

What is this obsession with dead babies???

I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies??

I have to agree here as well. I dont know how anyone can find these even remotely funny. Its somewhat disturbing if you ask me.

[Renton]

If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?


Chill the fuck out, read this.

Ohhh, some people don't like you to talk like that. Ohh, some people like to shut you up for saying those things. You know that. Lots of people. Lots of groups in this country want to tell you how to talk. Tell you what you can't talk about. Well, sometimes they'll say, well you can talk about something but you can't joke about it. Say you can't joke about something because it's not funny. Comedians run into that shit all the time.

Like rape. They'll say, "you can't joke about rape. Rape's not funny." I say, "fuck you, I think it's hilarious. How do you like that?" I can prove to you that rape is funny. Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. See, hey why do you think they call him "Porky," eh? I know what you're going to say. "Elmer was asking for it. Elmer was coming on to Porky. Porky couldn't help himself, he got a hard- on, he got horney, he lost control, he went out of his mind." A lot of men talk like that. A lot of men think that way. They think it's the woman's fault. They like to blame the rape on the woman. Say, "she had it coming, she was wearing a short skirt." These guys think women ought to go to prison for being cock teasers. Don't seem fair to me. Don't seem right, but you can joke about it.

I believe you can joke about anything. It all depends on how you construct the joke. What the exaggeration is. What the exaggeration is. Because every joke needs one exaggeration. Every joke needs one thing to be way out of proportion.

[bigred]

What is this obsession with dead babies???

I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies??

I have to agree here as well. I dont know how anyone can find these even remotely funny. Its somewhat disturbing if you ask me.

No one's asking for opinions on jokes, just jokes.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

[jiggajake]

What is this obsession with dead babies???

I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies??

I have to agree here as well. I dont know how anyone can find these even remotely funny. Its somewhat disturbing if you ask me.

if one thing is ok to make fun of...everything is ok to make fun of, so just for our dead baby haters, heres a surplus:
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.


and finally....

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

[bigred]

You took them from the same site as me!!!


Crap, I need a joke....Rilla's SEX LIFE LOLOLOLO

[Pyroxene]

A guy keeps losing weight no matter how much he eats. He goes to the doctor. The doctor examines him and says, "You have a tapeworm."

"Is that a serious problem?"

Doctor says, "No, come back tomorrow and bring an apple and a cookie."

The guy returns the next day with an apple and a cookie.

Doctor says, "Drop your pants and bend over on the examination table."

The guy does so and the doctor quick shoves the apple up his ass. The guy lets out a groan but the doctor tells hm to hold still. About 30 seconds later the doctor shoves the cookie up his ass, to the sound of the man groaning uncomfortably.

"Is that it?", ask the man.

Doctor says, "No, come back again tomorrow with an apple and a cookie."

The guy does this and the uncomfortable process is repeated, first the apple and then 30 seconds later, the cookie.

"Okay, I'm I cured now?"

"No, come back tomorrow. Same deal, bring an apple and a cookie."

And the painful processes plays out for a third day; first the apple and 30 seconds later, the cookie.

"Doc, I can't take this another day."

"Not a problem. Come back tomorrow, but bring an apple and a hammer".

So the guy returns the next day with an apple and a hammer. He drops his pants and the doctor shoves the apple up his ass as before.

About a minute passes...

The tapeworm sticks his head out and says, "Hey! Where's my cookie?"

Doctor takes the hammer and --- WHAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!

"There, you're cured."

[jiggajake]

does womens rights count as a joke?

[Renton]

Why does a rancher fuck his sheep at the edge of a cliff?









It's so the sheep will push back.

[mrhappy333]

Why does a rancher fuck his sheep at the edge of a cliff?









It's so the sheep will push back.

erm, this guy I know said if you put them up against a pond, it works also.

maybe thats why every farm has a pond?hmmmmmmmmmmm..

[bigred]

The ultimate dead baby joke.

How do you fit 200 dead babies into a barrell?



A blender.


How you you get them out of the barrell?

Doritos.

[jiggajake]

hahaha amazing big red, ive heard em before but they are still classic....

why dont women wear watches?

theres a perfectly good clock on the stove.

How do you make a nigger drown?
Pop his lips (im black so any black people offended by this shut up)

Why are more black people hit by cars during snow?
they are easier to see.

[animal_chin]

My personal favorite is a classic, but still funny.

Why are black people getting stronger?
















TVs are getting heavier.

[Lukie]

A blonde walks into a library. After some searching around, she goes up to the librarian and she says, "hi, can I have a burger and some fries?"

[that's not the joke you effing morons]

The librarian, stunned, says, excuse me ma'am, this is a library!



So the blonde abruptly apologizes and whispers in her quiet voice, "oh, excuse me, can I have a burger and some fries?"



MWAHHAHAHHAHAHA

[jiggajake]

whats long black and smelly?


the unemployment line

[KingLizard]

A father and his 6 year old son are walking home from school and the boy sees two dogs going at it. The son asks his dad, "what are they doing?". Dad replies "they're making puppies."

Later that evening, the boy wakes in the middle of the night and wanders into his parents bedroom. As he turns on the light, he sees mom and dad going at it. The boy asks his dad "what are you doing?" The dad replies "making babies son."

The boy replies "well roll mom over ... I'd rather have puppies."

[mrhappy333]

This black guy walks into the Unemployment line after he has been on disability and shit his whole life, He tells the guy behind the counter that he is ready to work and wants a Job.
The unemployment officer says he has just the job for him..and explains..

the salary starts at $100,000
He only has to work 3 days a week
It has Full medical benefits
8 weeks vacation per year.
he goes on and on..............

then the Black dude says, Oh common man, your pulling my leg.

and the unemployment officer says,
Well YOU started it..

[mike4066]

What do all of the women in a battered womans shelter have in common?

Not a single fucking one of them listen.

[mike4066]

The ultimate dead baby joke.

How do you fit 200 dead babies into a barrell?



A blender.


How you you get them out of the barrell?

Doritos.

I know i'm susposed to reply with a joke, but that one just took the breath out of me, i'm at a complete loss... nice

[samsonite2100]

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?


As punishment for not finishing its plate of sperm.

[invizyn]

Why is Michael Jackson like Mcdonalds?


They both put 40 year old meat in 10 year old buns.

[swiggidy]

What do you do if your women comes out of the kitchen with a black eye?



Hit her in the other eye

What do you tell a women with two black eyes.



Nothing, you already told her twice.

[Lukie]

So this one time I was playing with this one guy at party 2/4NL. I flopped a set which he bet at and I raised. I heard shouting coming through my monitor! I can't remember exactly, but it sounded something like "OH WOW, NO FEAR, NO FEAR AT ALL!! AHHH GODDAMNIT I'M GOING ALL-IN". Sure enough, all $700 of his chips go in the middle, and my set takes down his king high. tuff_fish left the table soon thereafter.

[bigred]

Way to ruin another thread Lukie. you suck.

[tonyj444]

Woman goes out to a club one night and gets chatting to this guy she's never met before. All night there's really good chemistry between the 2 and although it's not like her, they go back to his place afterwards. As soon as she gets through the door they're all over each other and she has the most wild amazing sex of her life. After they finish she notices in his bedroom all the shelves are stacked full with cuddly toys, arranged in size order, smallest at the bottom, largest at the top. She figures this to be a bit odd and asks the guy what it's all about. He makes a show of considering the question and responds with, "Well, you can take your pick of anything off the middle shelf."

[Greedo017]

Woman goes out to a club one night and gets chatting to this guy she's never met before. All night there's really good chemistry between the 2 and although it's not like her, they go back to his place afterwards. As soon as she gets through the door they're all over each other and she has the most wild amazing sex of her life. After they finish she notices in his bedroom all the shelves are stacked full with cuddly toys, arranged in size order, smallest at the bottom, largest at the top. She figures this to be a bit odd and asks the guy what it's all about. He makes a show of considering the question and responds with, "Well, you can take your pick of anything off the middle shelf."

i don't get it

[jackvance]

in case you're serious.. the guy is allowing the girl to choose a teddybear based on how much points she scored with him (like at a carneval), ie how good the sex was (in this case, mediocre).

[Greedo017]

in case you're serious.. the guy is allowing the girl to choose a teddybear based on how much points she scored with him (like at a carneval), ie how good the sex was (in this case, mediocre).

haha, i get jokes

i got it was supposed to be like at a carnival, i didn't pick up the middle shelf=sex rating part of it cause i didn't connect that carnivals change what prize they give you because of how well you did, i just figured they always give you an eraser.

[swiggidy]

i just figured they always give you an eraser.

Maybe you just suck

[Warpe]

Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.

"No thanks... just give me a few minutes... I'll be fine..." he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of his pants and starts massaging his genitals.

"Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.

"Well... yes... That feels pretty good," he admits. "But my thumb still hurts like hell."

[Warpe]

Did you hear about the two Canadian blondes who froze to death at the drive-in movie?

They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

[Warpe]

Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.
He crawls back up and asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "For having a little pecker."
He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and into the bushes. She crawls back up and says, "What was that for?"
"For knowing there was more than one size."

[Warpe]

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing.

Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.

He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"

She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"

She says, "Well, your name never came up."

[zook]

What's the smartest thing that's ever come out of a woman's mouth?








Einstein's dick.

[Warpe]

If Jesus had a Lay-Z-Boy:

[bigred]

If Jesus had a Lay-Z-Boy:

Too soon?

[Numbr2intheWorld]

Here's a joke i made up myself, tell me if you like it:

3 guys go on a camping trip, one of the guys is completely white trash. It's been a week since they've left their respective families and it's obvious the redneck is becoming very horny.

1 day, 2 of the guys go up to the redneck and tell him "When we were walking yesterday, we found a cabin where this 25 year old girl lives. For $20 she'll do just about anything for you, you should go down it's just a little ways down the road."

The redneck agrees and the 2 guys watch as their friend walks to the cabin, opens the door, steps inside and closes the door behind him. The 2 guys start laughing, because they both know that there is no girl there, there is actually a rabid monkey who will most likely rip him to shreds. Because it's so dark in the cabin, it will probably just be a few minutes before he comes screaming outside in fear.

30 minutes later, the redneck strolls out of the cabin. It's obvious he is hurt, he has scratches all over his body and his clothes are ripped apart. He approaches his two friends and says "wow, i'm gonna come back and do that tomorrow!"

The other 2 guys are confused, 1 guy responds "Wait! there was a rabid monkey in there. You're all scratched up, why would you want to go their again?"

the redneck responds, "Well, the monkey is better than my daughter."

"Don't you mean your wife?" the other guy asks.

and the redneck says "No, my daughter is a little better than my wife."

[swiggidy]

this was in Wired...

These two Middle Easterners come to America. They get separated from each other, and about a year later they get together to see who had become more Americanized. Sot eh first guy says, "I'm picking up my son from baseball practice, and then we're going out to McDonald's. Then I'm going home to watch some NFL football. How about you?"

And the second guy says, "Fuck you towelhead"

[Warpe]

This guy is the waiting room at the hospital while his wife gives birth to a baby. The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says, "I have something I must tell you about your baby."

"What's wrong?" the new father asks.

"Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

"What's that?"

"It means your baby has both male and female parts."

"Oh my gosh!" the guy exclaims. "You mean it has a vagina...and a brain?"

[Pelion]

This one works better in person but here goes...

Q: "how do you sell a rabbit to a deaf guy?"

A: "YOU WANNA BUY A RABBIT???!!!!" - [shouted really loud]

[Silly String]

As stolen from a 2 and a half Men episode:
Jake: "So if girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where would a girl with one leg work?" . . .



"IHOP!"

[zook]

What has 7 arms and sucks?














Def Leppard.

[DP_Troy]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

Flattered, the man replied, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely!”

“This must be a sign from God!” The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

[Toadstool]

if racism offends you, skip this post

A woman has just given birth and the midwife comes in and says to the woman "Do you want the good news or the bad news?"
The woman replies "The bad news" to which the midwife answers "The baby's black." The woman then asks "whats is the good news?" The midwife says "It's dead."

[Warpe]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[DP_Troy]

1. Play Every hand. You never know when the poker gods will bless you with an incredible suck out. Consider all money you lost a sacrifice for your big score.

2. Play Any suited cards. They are a gift from the poker gods and should never be squandered.

3. Call any all in when you hold any of face card. Even with a kicker of 2. Again these are a gift from the poker gods. They shouldn’t be squandered.

4. Always call from the blinds. The poker gods will look kindly on you and give you a good flop.

5. Never let some bluff you out of the pot if you hold any of the following hands. An A with and kicker suited or not. You could catch an A on the river and squash them. That goes for Kx QX and Jx too. Any three to a flush or three to a straight. You never know. They could have nothing and you could catch runner runner.

6. When you catch the only card on the river that would beat the trip aces, or any other hand that had you preflop and all the way to the turn make sure and comment about how good a player you are and how stupid they were for ignoring your mastery at the poker table.

7. Kick and scream when you don’t get your don’t get your 2 outer on the river. Call the player the Anti-Poker God and say he is in league with the forces of evil and should be burnt at the stake.

8. Always check your good hands and bet at the river. If the other players made it that far they will always call you on the river. You will have the best hand as reward for your patience.

9. Any two cards can win. Always remember that. They are words to live by.

10. Never read any poker books or articles. They will only ruin you as a player. Remember. POKER IS ALL LUCK. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

[Sykedupp]

Bill Frist. Thread Over.


-Chris

[Kessler]

1. Play Every hand. You never know when the poker gods will bless you with an .........

<blah blah blah>

..................10. Never read any poker books or articles. They will only ruin you as a player. Remember. POKER IS ALL LUCK. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

This wasn't funny. I want my money back.


-Kes

[nutsinho]

1. Play Every hand. You never know when the poker gods will bless you with an incredible suck out. Consider all money you lost a sacrifice for your big score.

2. Play Any suited cards. They are a gift from the poker gods and should never be squandered.

3. Call any all in when you hold any of face card. Even with a kicker of 2. Again these are a gift from the poker gods. They shouldn’t be squandered.

4. Always call from the blinds. The poker gods will look kindly on you and give you a good flop.

5. Never let some bluff you out of the pot if you hold any of the following hands. An A with and kicker suited or not. You could catch an A on the river and squash them. That goes for Kx QX and Jx too. Any three to a flush or three to a straight. You never know. They could have nothing and you could catch runner runner.

6. When you catch the only card on the river that would beat the trip aces, or any other hand that had you preflop and all the way to the turn make sure and comment about how good a player you are and how stupid they were for ignoring your mastery at the poker table.

7. Kick and scream when you don’t get your don’t get your 2 outer on the river. Call the player the Anti-Poker God and say he is in league with the forces of evil and should be burnt at the stake.

8. Always check your good hands and bet at the river. If the other players made it that far they will always call you on the river. You will have the best hand as reward for your patience.

9. Any two cards can win. Always remember that. They are words to live by.

10. Never read any poker books or articles. They will only ruin you as a player. Remember. POKER IS ALL LUCK. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

is everyone from georgia this retarded