Select Page
Poker Forum
Over 1,291,000 Posts!
Poker ForumFTR Community

Messed Up News Quarantine thread

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 76 to 111 of 111
  1. #76
    "This bill will allow them to pierce the nipples of any citizen's first born, and hang them from the nearest lamp post via said piercings!"

    "but-- but-- apple pie!"
  2. #77
    Quote Originally Posted by CoccoBill View Post
    Let's not be sexist here. What you're describing only applies to a distinct subcategory of women, namely the crazy bitches. They're no more than 80% of all women, tops.
    i think it's more about what she is trying to accomplish. sometimes a woman just wants to rant and rave about someone/thing/whatever and doesn't want any advice or alternative perspective. she just wants someone to hear her out and that's it. i do it all the time with the wife. but yeah, there's definitely crazy out there, and not sure i would be able to handle a crazy bitch puking all over me.
  3. #78
    i think i quoted the wrong person, whateva.
  4. #79
    CoccoBill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    2,504
    Location
    Finding my game
    It may all come down to decision-making, whether it's primarily based on logic or feeling.

    Think of the brain as two processors, the left cerebral cortex being a serial processor and the right a parallel processor. The right hemisphere is involved with senses, movement, the current moment, observing the reality. The left hemisphere, on the other hand, thinks linearly, and is concerned about the past and the future, making connections between events, using logic, categorizing and organizing all the information taken in.

    Typically one of these hemispheres for each person is dominant, specifying what is their primary method for processing information. For women (and left-handed males), the right hemisphere is more commonly the dominant one. This means that their primary mode of processing information is based on feeling, sensing and perception, rather than thinking, judging and intuition, as with their left-dominant counterparts.

    This, of course, is all unproven theory. However, it does make sense on a certain level and opens up room for interesting thoughts, though I'm not gonna go there. Either way it's good to remember each person normally has both hemispheres functional, and even though one has executive power, the whole picture is most likely nothing as simple as this. About how this might apply to reality, I'd suggest reading on the Myers-Briggs type indicator:

    Personality Type Information
    Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit.

  5. #80
    CoccoBill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    2,504
    Location
    Finding my game
    Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit.

  6. #81
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    28,082
    Location
    himself fucker.
    Ms Makar lost consciousness after her attackers abandoned her at a construction site and set fire to her.
    Classy bunch of gents.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  7. #82
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    7,667
    Location
    Jack-high straight flush motherfucker
    My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...


    Cogito ergo sum

    VHS is like a book? and a book is like a stack of kindles.
    Hey, I'm in a movie!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYdwe3ArFWA
  8. #83
  9. #84
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    28,082
    Location
    himself fucker.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  10. #85
    BooG690's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    5,090
    Location
    I am Queens Blvd.
    That's how winners play; we convince the other guy he's making all the right moves.
  11. #86
    Rilla, BooG...

    [x] right thread
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  12. #87
    CoccoBill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    2,504
    Location
    Finding my game
    [ ] proud to be a human
    Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit.

  13. #88
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    7,667
    Location
    Jack-high straight flush motherfucker
    My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...


    Cogito ergo sum

    VHS is like a book? and a book is like a stack of kindles.
    Hey, I'm in a movie!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYdwe3ArFWA
  14. #89
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    7,667
    Location
    Jack-high straight flush motherfucker
    My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...


    Cogito ergo sum

    VHS is like a book? and a book is like a stack of kindles.
    Hey, I'm in a movie!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYdwe3ArFWA
  15. #90
    ya, so the suspect flew to paris, got to berlin somehow, got arrested in an internet cafe about 10km from where i am. i could have even been riding public transit with him at the same time! he was allegedly reading news articles about himself when the shop's owner got suspicious and called the police.
  16. #91
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    28,082
    Location
    himself fucker.
    Jake Evans 911 call by Christin Coyne on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free

    Spoiler:
    911 Dispatch: Parker County 911, where is your emergency?
    Jake Evans: Uh, my house.
    911: OK, What’s the emergency?
    Evans: Uh, I just killed my mom and my sister.
    911: What? How did you do that?
    Evans: Uh, I shot them with a .22 revolver.
    911: What is your name?
    Evans: Jake Evans.
    911: Jay Evans?
    Evans: Jake Evans.
    911: Are you sure they’re dead?
    Evans: Yes.
    911: Okay, I want you to stay on the phone with me. Are you alright?
    Evans: Yeah, I’m fine.
    911: Hold on just a minute…where is the gun?
    Evans: Uh, it's on the kitchen counter.
    911: It's a .22?
    Evans: Yes.
    911: Jake, hold on…stay on the line with me.
    Evans: Alright.
    911: Jake?
    Evans: Yes?
    911: Are you on any medication?
    Evans: Uh, no. I’ve been going to the allergist a lot lately with my mom, but no nothing other than that.
    911: How old are you?
    Evans: 17.
    911: You don't take any other kind of medication?
    Evans: I mean, other than like Zyrtec and Advil and you know like Sudafed, for like allergies and headaches, like no.
    911: Is there any reason that you were so angry at your mother and your sister?
    Evans: I don’t know. … It’s weird. I wasn’t even really angry with them. It just kind of happened. I’ve been kind of, uh, planning on, uh, killing for a while now--
    911: The two of ‘em, or just anybody?
    Evans: Pretty much anybody.
    911: Why?
    Evans: I don’t know. Uh, I don’t really like, uh, people’s, uh, kinda attitude. … I think it’s kind of, very, like, you know, emotional. I don't know like verbally rude to each other and stuff like that. I don’t know.
    911: It's OK.
    Evans: It’s just my family is just kind of really I guess this is really selfish to say, to me, I felt they were just suffocating me in a way. I think, obviously I'm like, I’m pretty, I guess, evil…Whatever, I’m sorry.
    911: No, don't be sorry, its alright. I'm listening, you have my undivided attention. Were your mom and sister in their beds?
    Evans: I don’t know. This is going to really mess me up in the future. I told my sister that my mom needed her. She was in her room, and she came out of her room, and I shot her. And she rolled down the stairs and I shot her again. And then I went down and I shot my mom maybe three or four times, but I’ll never forget this.
    911: Ok that's fine.
    Evans: My sister, she came downstairs and she was screaming and I was telling her that I’m sorry but just to hold still – that, you know, I was just going to make it go away, you know. But she kept on freaking out, but she finally fell down and I shot her in the head about, probably, three or four times.
    911: So, they are both downstairs?
    Evans: Yes.
    911: OK, where are you?
    Evans: In the kitchen.
    911: You're not sitting by the gun are you?
    Evans: No, its like 10 or 15 feet away.
    911: That's alright. Where’s your dad?
    Evans: He’s out of town.
    911: Do you know where he is...out of town?
    Evans: Washington, D.C. And, uh, I guess for future reference, I don’t really want to see any of my family members, like visiting or whatever. I don't know how it works or anything but I just don’t want any type of visitors. I don't want to see--
    911: OK. Where do you go to school, Jake?
    Evans: Well, I used to go to Aledo High school, but now I'm just being home-schooled.
    911: Yeah, so it's just you and your sister and your mom and dad in the house, live there?
    Evans: Well no, my dad's out of town
    911: Well, yeah. But normally its just your mom and your sister and your dad and you.
    Evans: Yeah, and my grandpa and grandpa live across the street, and my older sister lives with my grandparents. I have another sister, she's in college. She was going to come out and visit us tomorrow.
    911: OK. You don’t want to hurt yourself, do you?
    Evans: I don't know. I'm a little freaked out about guns now.
    911: Oh, sure. But you don't want to hurt yourself?
    Evans: I don't know. I definitely…you know…I assure you I don't like myself you know. But I'm just so freaked out about guns now. Just to let you know, I hate the feeling of killing someone. (sigh) I’m going to be messed up.
    911: There are people who will help you.
    Evans: Sigh Oh, god.
    911: Well, You just take a deep breath. We have deputies coming, and they’re going to help you. We're here to help you too OK? We’re going to help you, we’re not going to hurt you. OK?
    Evans: I understand if ya’ll want to.
    911: No, we’re there to help you, Jake. Everybody thinks we want to do bad things, but we don't . We want to help people. Right or wrong, we want to help people, and we’re gonna help you. OK, Do you understand that?
    Evans: Yes.
    911: We're also here to help. Where is the kitchen in the house? Is it in the back of the house?
    Evans: Kind to the back, I guess.
    911: OK, we're talking to our sergeant now, he's almost at your house. What I'll probably ask you to do is when we get there is… turn your porch light on. And what he'll probably do is ask you to come out. OK?
    Evans: OK.
    911: You're gonna be alright. You're gonna be alright.
    Evans: Alright.
    911: I'm gonna stay on the phone with you though, and talk with you. And you can talk with me. Is there anything you want to talk about?
    Evans: Not really.
    911: What's your grandfather's, grandparent's last name?
    Evans: Stavens.
    911: Steven's? With a V or a PH?
    Evans: Stavens. S-T-A-V-E-N-S.
    911: OK. What's your grandpa's first name?
    Evans: Jim.
    911: And grandma?
    Evans: Diane.
    911: Is it a gated community? Is there a gate?
    Evans: Uh, yes. You want the password? [Censored]
    911: Do you have a driver's license?
    Evans: No.
    911: What's your date of birth, honey?
    Evans: 1995.
    911: Month?
    Evans: May.
    911: And the date?
    Evans: 22nd.
    911: May 22, 1995?
    Evans: Yeah.
    911: It’s going to be alright, it really is. OK?
    Evans: Alright.
    911: But, I'll stay on the phone with you, they'll be there shortly. Won't be long now. They’ll be there shortly, won’t be long now.
    911: (To radio) 434 received. Paul 434 are you in route to assist?
    Radio (In the background): 10-4…I believe he is. [garbled] Until we get everything secure and the bodies…[Inaudible]
    911: (To radio) 10-4.
    911: Jake, would you mind going to the front door and turning any of the porch lights on, or any other lights you might have?
    Evans: I have turned the front lights on.
    911: (To radio) Paul 414, correction, Paul 404, my caller has turned the front lights on for you.
    Radio: 10-4
    Radio: Target 414, I'm coming from Aledo (garbled). Gonna be almost smack-dab in the middle.
    [More typing by 911 operator...]
    911: Are you okay Jake?
    Evans: Pauses I was thinking of my sister. She was 15. She had a really sweet side. She was kinda racist, kinda rude to me sometimes.
    911: Yeah...
    Evans: Aww, man.
    911: How long ago did this happen?
    Evans: About, uh, about 30 minutes ago. (Breathes heavily)
    911: (Repeats to someone else) About 30 minutes ago.
    911: You’ll be alright, Jake. You'll be alright.
    Evans: I’m really worried about, like, nightmares and stuff like that. [nervous laugh] Are there any types of medications, and stuff?
    911: Well, I think there is. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor but …the justice system-- I’m sure your family will get you the support you need.
    Evans: I don’t mean to sound like a wimp or anything, but this is, wow, I’ve never, like, done anything violent in my whole life, you know.
    911: You don’t sound like a violent person…But, help will be provided for you. Medical and psychological. That will be provided to you OK? So you don’t have to worry about that right now.
    Evans: (deep breathing)
    911: Take deep breaths for me now, you’re doing fine. In through your nose, and out through your mouth so you don’t hyperventilate, okay? And that will slow down your heart rate. I'm sure it's jumping all over your chest.
    Evans: (deep breathing)
    911: Good, that sounds good. You sound a lot calmer right now. Just keep taking deep breaths, It'll keep the anxiety down.
    911: Are there any cars in the driveway, Jake?
    Evans: No.
    911: OK.
    Evans: (Deep breathing)
    911: Deep breaths, honey. In through your nose.
    Evans: I thought it would be quick. [nervous laugh] I didn’t want them to feel pain, that’s why I used a gun, but it’s like everything went wrong. [nervous laugh]
    911: Keep breathing for me. In through your nose, real slow, out through your mouth.
    Evans: Mmmh. (Deep breathing)
    911: There you go, real deep in, real slow and real deep.
    Evans: (Breathing)
    911: Jake, my officers are almost there, would you be willing to walk out on your own?
    Evans: Um, yes,
    911: Yes?
    Evans: Yes, ma'am. I forgot to say before I called, there's a gun on the counter. For some reason, when I put it down, it’s still loaded. Just to let ya'll know.
    911: Okay, that’s fine. As long as it's on the counter.
    Evans: Yeah, it's on the counter, I swear.
    911: Alright, I believe you. They'll be there shortly. I’ll stay on the phone until it’s time for you to walk out. OK?
    Evans: Alright.
    911: Are you on your home phone?
    Evans: Yes.
    911: Is it cordless?
    Evans: Yes. (Deep breathing)
    911: Keep breathing, keep breathing. You're doing good. What color's your house Jake…red brick?
    Evans: Yeah. Brick.
    911: Red brick? Yeah. OK, Jake, what I want you do is, after we get through talking, I want you to put the phone down, leave it in the kitchen, you don't have to hang it up. But I want you to walk outside, but when you’re walking through the house and outside, stay visible, don’t hide behind any furniture. Open the front door…do you have a glass screen door, or a screen door or just a front door?
    Evans: You know, just front door.
    911: When you open the front door, step back and put your hands behind your head and slowly walk outside. OK I mean, keep your hands up in the air, just walk very slowly, and walk outside, but keep your hands visible, alright, sweetie? Go ahead and put the phone down and do it. Just listen to Sergeant Fletcher has to say, he's very appreciative that you're willing to come out on your own. He thinks that's great, alright? And I’ll talk to you later.
    Evans: Alright.
    911: Alright hun, you're welcome.
    Evans: Alright, yeah, bye. (Puts phone down.)
    911: (To someone else) I told him to lay it (the phone) down… the line's open.
    Person: [inaudible]
    911: Or close to it I don't know how big the house is. *[Inaudible]*
    End.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  17. #92
    fuck... is there sauce on that.. are we sure it's real?
  18. #93
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    28,082
    Location
    himself fucker.
    Yeah, if you google the kids name you can see pictures of him with his sister and mother.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  19. #94
    Evans: May.
    911: And the date?
    Evans: 22nd.
    I share a birthday with psychoguy
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  20. #95
  21. #96
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  22. #97
    ........ Fuck. :/

    The sad thing is this story is not unique.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  23. #98
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  24. #99
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  25. #100
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    28,082
    Location
    himself fucker.
    Quote Originally Posted by KoRnholio View Post
    Son...

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/0..._n_892287.html

    Little girl in India kills herself to sacrifice her eye and kidney to her father and brother respectively; both of them were ailing and needed transplants. Her body was cremated before the note detailing her plans was discovered.
    Last edited by a500lbgorilla; 11-08-2013 at 07:33 PM.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  26. #101
    oskar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    6,914
    Location
    in ur accounts... confiscating ur funz
    Quote Originally Posted by KoRnholio View Post
    He does have a point, but you can't help but wonder why he didn't call it quits after the second one. It was already clear then that it wasn't working out.
    I also call BS on the didn't-know-wife-had-plastic-surgery story. No chinese woman looks like that naturally.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  27. #102
    oskar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    6,914
    Location
    in ur accounts... confiscating ur funz
    The title could be straight from the onion.
    In other news: huffingtonpost might not be the last word in quality journalism it's hyped up to be.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  28. #103
    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    Son...

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/0..._n_892287.html

    Little girl in India kills herself to sacrifice her eye and kidney to her father and brother respectively; both of them were ailing and needed transplants. Her body was cremated before the note detailing her plans was discovered.
    goddamn! My wife would hate me and run away crying if I told her that story.

    I'll have to save it for a big argument. "Yeah? I haven't done enough chores lately? Well a little girl in India...!" Argument over.
  29. #104
    The kind of thing that makes it hard not to be racist

  30. #105
    ^ That truly is fucked up. They should throw those kids in jail. Then tell them the game has changed. Instead of "knockout" it's "hide the sausage".
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  31. #106
    I hope someone that has been "Knocked out" see's these guys in the video and goes on a rampage. shooting them in the face. I would

    Hopeful and waiting for the "Knockout goes wrong" videos.
  32. #107
    oskar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    6,914
    Location
    in ur accounts... confiscating ur funz
    They asked them "what is knockout" or something to that effect and edited it so it sounded like they're all on board with hitting people in the face. But I would agree that just the fact that there is a term for that is shocking.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  33. #108
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    28,082
    Location
    himself fucker.
    http://nypost.com/2013/12/22/70-navy...-japan-rescue/

    Sweet Christ. The Sailors on the USS Reagan get hit with radioactive snow from Fukishima, they float on radioactive ocean and therefore drink radioactive water (they drink desalinated water from the sea). They're now stricken with such a strange array of ailments it stretches the imagination to even understand what's happening to their bodies.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  34. #109
    oskar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    6,914
    Location
    in ur accounts... confiscating ur funz
    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-n...-penis-3233208

    Here's some uplifting messed up news!
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  35. #110
    oskar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    6,914
    Location
    in ur accounts... confiscating ur funz
    Last edited by oskar; 07-31-2014 at 02:02 PM.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  36. #111
    oskar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    6,914
    Location
    in ur accounts... confiscating ur funz
    Shotgun accident victim ‘tried to burn down apartment block’ after being banned from pleasuring himself in front of his neighbours

    http://metro.co.uk/2014/02/06/shotgun-accident-victim-tried-to-burn-down-apartment-block-after-being-banned-from-pleasuring-himself-in-front-of-his-neighbours-4293168/
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •