Will this shit ever stop?

Im so tilted and upset right now. It´s my first day into semester break and was so excited to have time to really grind again and I get smacked right in the face. Fucking HM missed the HHs, but I just had AA<KK pfai, JJ<44 on J47 and 99<QQ on 934 witin 20 minutes, along with a couple of smaller beats and some spew I dropped 5 BI in no time, shortly before I had this month in the green again. FML. I know, variance blah blah but this fucking variance shit going on for months is driving me fucking insane. Im thinking about quitting again in the back of my head, but theres no way I can´t beat these games. Seriously, wtf is going on?

This post sounds so fishy and stupid even to myself, but I can´t see where this is grind is going to take me? How am I supposed to stay motivated and focused to play well, when I get shit no matter what I do?

I do study and analyze. I do eat and sleep well. I follow decent BRM. I do workout and do have a social life outside poker. I am aware of when I do well and when I suck. I see what my opponents are doing and adjust accordingly. I do not let specific hands during a session have an impact on my state of mind. And still all I get is a kick in the balls in the end. 18 BI below ev over 80k hands yadda yadda (and thats only the ai coolers). Im not far from seriously considering riggedness. I never believed in doom-/boomswitches, but fuck, what else is this suposed to be?