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Dumbest poker shit heard while playing live

  
 
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yourfather
Old 06-26-2009, 05:44 PM     Post subject: Dumbest poker shit heard while playing live #1 (permalink)  
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If this should be in Tales of Poker or w/e please move it.

Feel free to add stupid shit that you've heard.

I never really make threads but this idiotic very fat man last night had some great quotes that ended up tilting me a bit cuz he said each one 12 times. He looked like the bad guy from Captain Planet and ate chocolate souffle and alot of cheez its. I believe he is somewhat of a regular.

"I don't believe in this whole value betting thing" - after checking behind river w 99 on kk98A board. I mean, guy could have AK right??

"This poker thing is just bingo, 50% poker and 50% bingo" He would not shut the fuck up about bingo.

"I don't really believe all your percentage things. I got a flush draw on the flop, maybe I hit it, maybe I dont. I do know there are 4 of each card."
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mrhappy333
Old 06-26-2009, 06:54 PM #2 (permalink)  
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swiggidy
Old 06-26-2009, 07:08 PM #3 (permalink)  
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 Everything is 50/50, either it happens or it doesn't.
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mrhappy333
Old 06-26-2009, 07:14 PM #4 (permalink)  
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Jason
Old 06-26-2009, 07:35 PM #5 (permalink)  
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  • I hate pocket aces. (After losing with pocket aces.)
  • I hate pocket kings. (After losing with pocket kings.)
  • I hate pocket jacks. (After losing with pocket jacks.)
  • I hate pocket tens. (After losing with pocket tens.)
  • I have to call - I'm getting 2 to 1. (Said by someone who knows nothing about ratios, pot odds, or their equity.)
  • I have to call - pot odds. (Said by someone who knows nothing about ratios, pot odds, or their equity.)
  • I put you on that hand. (Said by someone who told me what hand they put me on AFTER I showed my hand.)
  • My favorite hand is Jack/Nine offsuit.
- Jason
 
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b1eedb1ack
Old 06-26-2009, 07:43 PM #6 (permalink)  
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I've got to agree with Jason. Some of the dumbest things you hear are in regards to his last bullet point. "My favorite hand is so & so." Complete nonsense. It becomes even more non-sensible the worse the hand gets.
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KoRnholio
Old 06-26-2009, 07:43 PM #7 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swiggidy
Everything is 50/50, either it happens or it doesn't.
OMG this so much... Last year in Vegas some drunks sits at 1/2 NL a couple seats to my right, during the shuffle he announces that he is going to shove blind from UTG first hand. He gets his cards, it appears that he looks at them, then says all in. I have KK and do a little hollywood ("how much is it to me?") and call.

He spikes his ace on the river. Oh well. Then he starts bragging "duh well either I hit my ace or I don't, 50/50!". That tilted me way more than the $200. I had to buy dinner with the sklanskies that night.
Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
 
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meeloche
Old 06-26-2009, 07:56 PM #8 (permalink)  
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 Great Idea for a thread!

From my recent vegas trip:

Multiway pot preflop retard #1 leads retard #2 calls on QsJs2 turn is a blank retard 1 overbet shoves for 2 times the pot retard 2 folds. Retard 1 turns over 222 then goes into some big rant about how he didn't want to let the other retard see the river for free and that he would let him see the turn but not the river. He then says that he wanted to make sure he folded all his draws cause the board was too drawy.

Expert
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meeloche
Old 06-26-2009, 07:59 PM #9 (permalink)  
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 oh another one:

3 bet pot 2 way. flop is like 256 rainbow the guy who 3 bet cbets other guy re raises small. cbetter folds guy who rr shows QQ and says later that he was raising to see if he was beat. He then says if the other guy came over the top then he'd be able to fold.

Expert



 
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drmcboy
Old 06-26-2009, 09:16 PM #10 (permalink)  
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 Jennifer Tilly- "I THOUGHT YOU HAD POCKET KINGS"

http://www.kickasspoker.com/poker-fo...illy-donk.html

/thread
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mrhappy333
Old 06-26-2009, 09:35 PM #11 (permalink)  
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awesome!^^
3 3 3 I'm only half evil.
 
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yourfather
Old 06-26-2009, 09:40 PM #12 (permalink)  
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Huge nit who is also a dealer says "I don't like to play AK really, someone else could have AA or KK."
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shoneec
Old 06-26-2009, 09:57 PM #13 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drmcboy
Jennifer Tilly- "I THOUGHT YOU HAD POCKET KINGS"

http://www.kickasspoker.com/poker-fo...illy-donk.html

/thread

OMFG.


Listen to this. We played a home game a few weeks ago. A freezeout with 5000 in starting stacks. I got shortstacked, arround 1800 chips and i pushed all in with Jc9c and the guy who was a chip leader with some 17k flipped 3c2s and was like "I have to call you. I have chips!". And he made the straight to 5 on the river.

He clarified the call by the "fact" that he had chips to call and that he WANTED TO KICK ME OUT of the table. With 32o. Pro move.
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meeloche
Old 06-26-2009, 10:40 PM #14 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drmcboy
Jennifer Tilly- "I THOUGHT YOU HAD POCKET KINGS"

http://www.kickasspoker.com/poker-fo...illy-donk.html

/thread
the best part of this video is phil ivey's face.

Also good is phil helmuth folding qq with 15bb
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bjsaust
Old 06-26-2009, 11:47 PM #15 (permalink)  
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Man, whenever I see stuff like that I keep wondering why I'm at small stakes and someone like that is famous playing high stakes.
Just playing to improve.
 
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LawDude
Old 06-27-2009, 12:02 AM #16 (permalink)  
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In addition to the gems already posted:

1. "Any 2 cards can win"-- usually said after someone cracks my pocket queens with 95 offsuit.
2. "Why do you verbalize your raises? Aren't you afraid that it's a tell?"
3. In no limit, when it is clear that an opponent hit his flush or straight and the player should fold-- "I have to call, how can you throw away [pocket aces] [trips] [two pair] [top pair]?"
4. When a tight opponent has been betting the bleep out of a hand on every street and clearly has the goods, and the player calls down with bottom pair-- "I thought he might be bluffing".
5. When a player wins a hand with 72 or 93 or some other hand that should never or almost never be played-- "but they were SUITED". Or, alternately, "but I had POSITION".
6. Asking for a setup to change a player's luck.
7. Abusing the dealer because the player is card dead or takes a bad beat.
8. All discussion of the jackpot whatsoever.
9. "I should have played my T4o" (said after hand that was raised pre-flop and flop was TT4).
10. Invoking "I want to see that hand" to see an obvious bluff.
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BankItDrew
Old 06-27-2009, 07:03 AM #17 (permalink)  
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 "Give her credit, she made it possible to read phil ivey. It's the one time you will look at him at a table and know exactly what he's thinking."


Girlfriend: Why are the werewolves more important than living life?!

Girlfriend: Are you on the forums doing the werewolves again?

Girlfriend: Soo... you forgot to run that errand, but you had time to werewolf? Wtf?
 
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dutch96
Old 06-27-2009, 01:52 PM #18 (permalink)  

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Last nights session was pretty funny as well, playing tight all night seemed as one side of the table was practically card dead and the calling station fishes on the other side were catching everything.... Decent player raises out 2nd UTG... most of us fold with the 2 calling stations flat calling the raise... board comes 9c 2s 5h... first raiser bets out 3/4 pot.. one calling station calls other folds.... turn 8s.... bettor raises again, & again calling station flat calls...... river 7 calling station goes all-in.... table laughs... original bettor exclaims WTF just happened??? Two players say out load " obviously he has J T " original bettor says " I have to call I have two pair " Of course station shows J T.
So much for being a decent player.... nothing worse than a calling station fish that is now loaded, Playing & catching any 2 cards.....
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b1eedb1ack
Old 06-27-2009, 05:34 PM #19 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LawDude
6. Asking for a setup to change a player's luck.
But it IS the cards' fault! All that is keeping those players from being winners are identically colored decks. The bastards just won't shuffle correctly.
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mmmaaarrrccc
Old 06-28-2009, 01:31 AM #20 (permalink)  

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Happened to my brother a few weeks ago, $1/$2:
About 4 limpers, someone popped it up, my brother moves in for $80 with KK. Folds around to the raiser, "I have to call... I have value". Shows J7s, catches running straight cards. Always fun.

"I once folded aces before the flop, I knew the guy was gonna beat me"

I raise preflop, guy calls. He leads out on the flop, I move all in. "How much have you got?" he asks, "More than you". "No, how much? You're only doing it because you have more chips than me"

"Any two suited cards are playable"

My personal favourite: "My Ace-King suited didn't even hit! Not even a King! That's bullshit!"
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linaker
Old 06-28-2009, 03:33 AM #21 (permalink)  
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The OP reminds me of a story I read in a poker book. A guy joins a table and is showing off his hand reading skills, telling people what he put them on, but only after they showed their hands. ie Ace King wins the pot - he says I put you on Ace King.

Anyway, the bragger raises pre flop and gets 3 bet so he pushes AI and his opponent calls. The bragger turns over KK and his opponent flips over AA. Apparently he said - I put you on Aces.
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Beck
Old 06-28-2009, 06:54 AM #22 (permalink)  
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"If you have to think this long you should call."
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caddie444
Old 06-28-2009, 07:07 AM #23 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shoneec
Listen to this. We played a home game a few weeks ago. A freezeout with 5000 in starting stacks. I got shortstacked, arround 1800 chips and i pushed all in with Jc9c and the guy who was a chip leader with some 17k flipped 3c2s and was like "I have to call you. I have chips!". And he made the straight to 5 on the river.

He clarified the call by the "fact" that he had chips to call and that he WANTED TO KICK ME OUT of the table. With 32o. Pro move.
Harrington would have called this too... His good ol' 10-1 Rule




My favorites:

1. After CALLING an all in on the river with 68 offsuit on a 9-7-4-2-A board, "I thought he was bluffing" or the better "I was bluffing"

2. Opponent proclaims confidently "FLUSH!" and tables 5 red cards

3. After folding to a huge river bet on a 10-J-Q-K-A rainbow board... "I think you got me"

4. (Said Seriously) "This game is half skill, half luck, and half patience"


Don't complain; Just work harder - Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)
 
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BankItDrew
Old 06-28-2009, 07:24 AM #24 (permalink)  
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 "I was getting 2 to 1."

- when in fact, villain was not getting 2 to 1, nor would villain be making the correct call if they were getting 2 to 1.

This tilts me to no end.


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mmmaaarrrccc
Old 06-29-2009, 10:49 AM #25 (permalink)  

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Quote:
Originally Posted by caddie444
1. After CALLING an all in on the river with 68 offsuit on a 9-7-4-2-A board, "I thought he was bluffing" or the better "I was bluffing"
I remember seeing something similar happen on one of those bad celebrity poker shows. The board was like xx888, and one guy had the 8, other dude moves all in and guy with quads sat there for literally 3 minutes... finally calls when everyone goes "what the hell were you thinking about?" he replies "I WAS BLUFFING!"

I was telling a bad beat story to some of my friends who play a bit of poker... something like aces cracked by 34 or something. I finish the story, and my friend goes "Well, were lots of low cards coming out on previous hands? If there is a trend of low cards, you should play more low cards." My other friend was actually serious and was agreeing with him.
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Vinland
Old 06-29-2009, 06:45 PM #26 (permalink)  
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 Home game, Was down to 4 big blinds and the blinds were huge...I was the BB next hand and it was basically an allin festival by that point.
I got 78s and shoved pre...
He called w/ ATo and I ended up with a straight.

Player got pissed and said my shove was stupid....

I suppose I should have waited for a better spot?
I confess in quicksand
 
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dejection08
Old 06-29-2009, 07:41 PM #27 (permalink)  

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1/2 NL at the MGM an old guy that never raises. " I would fold Aces Pre flop to you if you raised, because You never know what the flop will be"
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BBaller151
Old 06-30-2009, 05:25 AM #28 (permalink)  

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If your gonna bluff make sure you have the best hand. Said by a guy i play poker with in a league.
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ATOTHEC101
Old 06-30-2009, 06:12 PM #29 (permalink)  
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LOL I KNEW YOU HAD AK.
"This sure beats Super Mario Bros.!" is my ejaculation catch phrase.
 
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The Izebox
Old 06-30-2009, 07:18 PM #30 (permalink)  
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Playing at foxwoods, (5/10). Some old woman raises PF with JJ, gets 2 late callers, flop comes JJ5 with one spade. She checks, MP checks and the LP raises with KQ offsuit. Old lady pushes for like 900 more, MP calls and LP calls.

MP shows suited junk with two spades
Lp shows his three to a str8
Old lady shows her quads.

I shit you not, one of the guys with the three card draws say to each other, "I had to call, I had the str8 draw" and the other says "i know, me too, I had the flush draw"
Me? I always tell the truth.

Even when I lie.
 
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