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aka_red
Old 01-12-2010, 02:42 AM     Post subject: Spouse Questions. #1 (permalink)  
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Let's say there is a hypothetical scenario where you are unmarried and are looking for a spouse. However, the only information you will have to choose a spouse is a set of 5 true or false questions that you create. What are your 5 questions?
[11:11] <+bikes> bitches love your face
 
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boost
Old 01-12-2010, 03:08 AM #2 (permalink)  
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The Big Lebowski is a movie about bowling, true or false?

You are a devout and dedicated follower of an organized religion, true or false?

You feel you must procreate to have a fulfilling life, true or false?

In soviet russia, car drives you, true or false?

Marcellus Wallace looks like a bitch, true or false?
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bigspenda73
Old 01-12-2010, 03:32 AM #3 (permalink)  
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 1 You enjoy performing oral sex, t/f?
2 You want kids, t/f?
3 You will force religion upon said children, t/f?
4 Tim Duncan is the greatest PF of all time, t/f?
5 Some pop-culture inside joke here
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Ragnar4
Old 01-12-2010, 03:37 AM #4 (permalink)  
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True Or False: It is natural for a woman to gain 200 pounds after getting married and having kids.

True Or False: You're excited to get married because it means it's the last time you'll ever give head.

True or False: Being shaven/trimmed downstairs is a tool to catch a man, not to keep him.

True or False: Buying my own "womans time of the bleeding death part of the month" toiletries is extremely important to me. I would rather die, than let my husband know I even use these items, let alone force him to buy them at 2:30 am on dec 26th in the middle of a blizzard.

True or Falce: Marcellus Wallas looks like a bitch.
The older I get, the more I start wondering; Just what in the hell is going on here?
 
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d0zer
Old 01-12-2010, 04:22 AM #5 (permalink)  
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 1) How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

2) Are you rich and/or extremely horny all the time?

3) How do you feel about drug/alcohol/gambling addictions?

4) Smell my fingers

5) Did you say true/false questions?
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BankItDrew
Old 01-12-2010, 04:30 AM #6 (permalink)  
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 1!) Marcellus Wallace looks like a bitch, true or false?

2) Poker is not a skillful game, true or false?

3) Your faith, traditions, or family, are determining factors for your decisions, true or false?

4) There is no point in watching live sports because you can always catch the highlights after wards, true or false?

5) It is mans obligation to satisfy every woman over 35, under 160lbs, with at least mildly attractive features when given the opportunity, true or false?


Girlfriend: Why are the werewolves more important than living life?!

Girlfriend: Are you on the forums doing the werewolves again?

Girlfriend: Soo... you forgot to run that errand, but you had time to werewolf? Wtf?
 
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XTR1000
Old 01-12-2010, 08:06 AM #7 (permalink)  
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You enjoy being in shape and work hard on your body, t/f?

You enjoy having sex t/f?

You have read more than 20 books in your life t/f?

You have ambitions not to end a house wife t/f?

You have hot friends you wouldnt mind to share a bed with and tape it t/f?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred View Post
xtr stand for exotic tranny retards
yo
 
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flomo
Old 01-12-2010, 12:42 PM #8 (permalink)  
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 1. Marcellus Wallace looks like a bitch, true or false?

2. Can you cook, true or false?

3. Are you a great cook and wizard in the kitchen, true or false?

4. Can you simmer, braise, reduce, dice, broil, roast, whisk, chop, and pan fry, true or false?

5. Do you have female gen--fuck that--Seriously can you cook, true or false?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred View Post
Protect dog
 
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rong
Old 01-12-2010, 02:24 PM #9 (permalink)  
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 1. You agree that your body is purely for my satisfaction and you will keep it looking dam good at all times and convincingly pretend to enjoy any act I decide we should participate in. T/F?
2. "Cos she looked at me funny" is an acceptable reason for domestic violence. T/F?
3. You are a fantasic cook and love spending time in the kitchen preparing feasts for me and my friends, and wont be offended if any of us are too drunk to appreciate it. T/F?
4. You accept that poker, drinking, football and surfing are acceptable reasons for you to leave me the fuck alone alone for as long as I see fit. T/F?
5. Calling you bitch, slut, whore, skank, woman, fatty, or combinations of, is actually quite endearing. T/F?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Micro2Macro View Post
hey guys, if you ever make a snap call on the river when your opponent raises you're fucking retarded.

Fucking. Retarded.
 
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GatorJH
Old 01-12-2010, 02:56 PM #10 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanAronG
1. You agree that your body is purely for my satisfaction and you will keep it looking dam good at all times and convincingly pretend to enjoy any act I decide we should participate in. T/F?
2. "Cos she looked at me funny" is an acceptable reason for domestic violence. T/F?
3. You are a fantasic cook and love spending time in the kitchen preparing feasts for me and my friends, and wont be offended if any of us are too drunk to appreciate it. T/F?
4. You accept that poker, drinking, football and surfing are acceptable reasons for you to leave me the fuck alone alone for as long as I see fit. T/F?
5. Calling you bitch, slut, whore, skank, woman, fatty, or combinations of, is actually quite endearing. T/F?

We have a winner. Thread my end now.
Poker is easy, it's winning at poker that's hard.
 
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wufwugy
Old 01-12-2010, 05:29 PM #11 (permalink)  
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 i dont do t/f, i do essay questions:


explain why jesus doesnt save

explain why reagan was a cunt

explain why fedor by whatever he wants

explain how to cook yakisoba

explain why i will bang your sister
 
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wufwugy
Old 01-12-2010, 05:38 PM #12 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flomo
1. Marcellus Wallace looks like a bitch, true or false?

2. Can you cook, true or false?

3. Are you a great cook and wizard in the kitchen, true or false?

4. Can you simmer, braise, reduce, dice, broil, roast, whisk, chop, and pan fry, true or false?

5. Do you have female gen--fuck that--Seriously can you cook, true or false?
If I had to guess from responses alone, I would figure this to be the only one by somebody who actually knows what marriage is like
 
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GatorJH
Old 01-12-2010, 05:40 PM #13 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wufwugy
Quote:
Originally Posted by flomo
1. Marcellus Wallace looks like a bitch, true or false?

2. Can you cook, true or false?

3. Are you a great cook and wizard in the kitchen, true or false?

4. Can you simmer, braise, reduce, dice, broil, roast, whisk, chop, and pan fry, true or false?

5. Do you have female gen--fuck that--Seriously can you cook, true or false?
If I had to guess from responses alone, I would figure this to be the only one by somebody who actually knows what marriage is like
I've been married 20 years. If the wifey can't cook you can go out to eat. But...................
Poker is easy, it's winning at poker that's hard.
 
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rong
Old 01-12-2010, 05:55 PM #14 (permalink)  
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 And if she looks at you funny? Then what? Huh? No going out then!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Micro2Macro View Post
hey guys, if you ever make a snap call on the river when your opponent raises you're fucking retarded.

Fucking. Retarded.
 
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wufwugy
Old 01-12-2010, 06:08 PM #15 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GatorJH
Quote:
Originally Posted by wufwugy
Quote:
Originally Posted by flomo
1. Marcellus Wallace looks like a bitch, true or false?

2. Can you cook, true or false?

3. Are you a great cook and wizard in the kitchen, true or false?

4. Can you simmer, braise, reduce, dice, broil, roast, whisk, chop, and pan fry, true or false?

5. Do you have female gen--fuck that--Seriously can you cook, true or false?
If I had to guess from responses alone, I would figure this to be the only one by somebody who actually knows what marriage is like
I've been married 20 years. If the wifey can't cook you can go out to eat. But...................
Yeah I figured you're married too. I know several married men whose happiness in their relationship largely hinges on their wife's cooking. I just found flomo's post to be insightful, and the type of thing that bachelors often remain oblivious to.

[/derail]
 
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boost
Old 01-12-2010, 07:37 PM #16 (permalink)  
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stop existing in the 1950's and learn to cook yourself.
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flomo
Old 01-12-2010, 08:37 PM #17 (permalink)  
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 edit*
there is probably some rule against that
even if it is a joke
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Originally Posted by bigred View Post
Protect dog
 
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Galapogos
Old 01-13-2010, 04:40 AM #18 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boost
stop existing in the 1950's and learn to cook yourself.
never


Quote:
Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
 
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Lucothefish
Old 01-13-2010, 08:41 AM #19 (permalink)  
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 Arguments are solved by conceding that I'm right (T/F)

'Homemaker' is the best job in the world (T/F)

Pharmaceutical prescriptions are secondary to sperm ingestion when it comes to curing things (T/F)

Women should always stay faithful to their man (T/F)

It's only classed as cheating if they cook me breakfast in bed (T/F)
<@d0zer> how will you learn if I don't berate you harshly?
 
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Lukie
Old 01-13-2010, 05:25 PM #20 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boost
stop existing in the 1950's and learn to cook yourself.
teach me.

or at least link to that one site that mcatdog i think linked to in that one thread that one time, but that i'm far too lazy to actually look for
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spoonitnow
Old 01-13-2010, 05:42 PM #21 (permalink)  
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 You are bisexual. (T/F)

You would allow me to have sex with other women of my choosing whenever and where ever I choose. (T/F)

You can cook. (T/F)

Poker is a skill game. (T/F)

You will maintain your body and appearance. (T/F)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.

Rule # 1: don't ask questions

Rule # 2: don't ask questions

I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
 
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Warpe
Old 01-13-2010, 07:18 PM #22 (permalink)  
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 1. You live within your means. T/F
2. You are a good housekeeper and enjoy cooking. T/F
3. You enjoy having sex and experimenting in bed. T/F
4. You enjoy reading and try to stay informed. T/F
5. Your mother still has a great figure. T/F



 
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donkbee
Old 01-13-2010, 07:50 PM #23 (permalink)  
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 OK time for a woman in this thread.

1. You have a great sense of humor and are not afraid of being politically incorrect, T/F

2. You do not expect me to do more than 50% of the cooking and other housework, T/F

3. You do not have any debt, T/F
Edit - if the debt is due to student loans and he's graduated and working to pay it off, that's okay. Any other debt is unacceptable.

4. You'd like to start a family one day, T/F

5. You respect the fact that I am currently not religious at all, T/F

This is assuming that I get to see him before I marry him. If I don't even get to see or smell him, replace the last point with "You don't look hideous and you smell good, T/F"



Quote:
Originally Posted by Fnord View Post
Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
 
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a500lbgorilla
Old 01-13-2010, 09:49 PM #24 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by courtiebee
OK time for a woman in this thread.

1. You have a great sense of humor and are not afraid of being politically incorrect, T/F

2. You do not expect me to do more than 50% of the cooking and other housework, T/F

3. You do not have any debt, T/F
Edit - if the debt is due to student loans and he's graduated and working to pay it off, that's okay. Any other debt is unacceptable.

4. You'd like to start a family one day, T/F

5. You respect the fact that I am currently not religious at all, T/F

This is assuming that I get to see him before I marry him. If I don't even get to see or smell him, replace the last point with "You don't look hideous and you smell good, T/F"
True for all. Let's bang.

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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wufwugy
Old 01-13-2010, 10:28 PM #25 (permalink)  
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 ^ha

aboogorilla always delivers
 
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flomo
Old 01-14-2010, 05:25 AM #26 (permalink)  
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 contestants are all answering TRue and they are all trannies

hopefully my trannie can cook
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Protect dog
 
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bigred
Old 01-14-2010, 05:29 AM #27 (permalink)  
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 flomo loves dudes
LOL OPERATIONS
 
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dthorne04
Old 01-14-2010, 06:00 AM #28 (permalink)  
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 w00t
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flomo
Old 01-14-2010, 03:07 PM #29 (permalink)  
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flomo loves dudes that can cook
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred View Post
Protect dog
 
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