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kardmania
Old 12-06-2009, 06:43 PM     Post subject: More Tiger #1 (permalink)  
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What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They’re both in danger of being clubbed by Norwegians!

Based on Tiger’s interests, his new product endorsements will be for Hostess.

This morning, his agent announced that the new nickname for Tiger will either be Cheetah or Lion.

His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks like she really went for the driver.

Did you hear that he inspired a new Kung Fu movie to be released? “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.”

Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.

Tiger just lost his endorsement with Gillette because now they can’t use his ad in which he says, “This was my closest shave yet.”

Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.

Usually Tiger makes it onto the fairway, but he’s in trouble on this round because he put one into the bush.

Did you hear about Tiger’s last outing? He drove into a tree, then ended up with a bad lie.

What kind of club did Elin swing at Tiger? Looks like it was a bitching wedge.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 350 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
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givememyleg
Old 12-06-2009, 06:51 PM #2 (permalink)  
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WHO YA GONNA CALL?!??
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 super duper funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

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dthorne04
Old 12-06-2009, 07:43 PM #3 (permalink)  
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surviva316
Old 12-06-2009, 07:53 PM #4 (permalink)  
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 FacePalm: Apply directly to the forehead.

btw, did anyone see the sports nation the other day where that worthless blonde, southern co-host said that she can't cheer for tiger anymore because she thinks less of him as a person now. NOT because he cheated on his--"that's his own personal business." but because of how he treated the media. so it doesn't make you a bad person to cheat on your wife so long as you're open with the media about it?

my translation, "i don't care about him cheating on his wife because i'm not his wife, so that doesn't affect my personally. but snubbing the media? what a dick"
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Jack Sawyer
Old 12-08-2009, 10:26 PM #5 (permalink)  
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 LOL, if I was Tiger, I'd have so much pussy I'd need a standing order of catfood

But one more time I wonder about these ultrarich guys marrying, particularly in the strange I OWN HALF OF EVERYTHING WE GOT AND I WANT THE HOUSE AND THE KIDS YET YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THEM ALL, MONTHLY PLEASE culture.

Think about it, getting divorced (IN THE USA, not sure about other countries) means you have to PAY your exwife to now screw any man or woman he or she wants, or have multiples at the same time. While your kids are there watching it. And while you are sipping bud light in a twobit apartment.

If I was a pro athlete getting in tons of millions of dollars, the only way I'm marrying is if its with separate goods.
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UG
Old 12-08-2009, 10:44 PM #6 (permalink)  
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-08-2009, 11:10 PM #7 (permalink)  
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I find it humorous that the cheetah (read: cheater) is lion (read: lying) and named Tiger! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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