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Thunder
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10-07-2008, 11:37 AM
Post subject: A Man Desperate To Reconcile With His Wife
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#1 (permalink)
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Flush
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England
Posts: 561
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Always makes me lol so hard.
Dear Audrey:
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during Our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.
Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey”. I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an arse like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.
I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Pontins last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of Lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother' old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It's true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same, please, please, please, let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the Sky remote control is.
John
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flomo
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: mashing potatoes
Posts: 878
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beautiful
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
Protect dog
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XTR1000
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: May 2006
Location: surfing in a room
Posts: 2,188
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true romantic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
xtr stand for exotic tranny retards
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yo
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kingnat
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 827
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5 spades.
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So you click their picture and then you get their money?
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spoonitnow
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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Do you just copy and paste every spam e-mail you get here?
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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wesrman
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Leaf Nation
Posts: 654
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LOL.
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Thunder
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Flush
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England
Posts: 561
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by spoonitnow
Do you just copy and paste every spam e-mail you get here?
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If I did, the forum would be full of ads for Viagra, requests to confirm my credit card details and news that a Nigerian billionaire wants to put $4m in my bank account.
Instead I just post funny/interesting/current affairs stuff - Darwin, Carlin, science etc that I keep on my hard drive, or does the rounds amongst my friends.
However talking of spam and the commune, you - recently - just spam every thread/post I make in this forum. You actually take the time out to post meaningless drivel replies. Even Wesrman commented on this. No idea why you do it but if it makes you happy.....
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wesrman
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Leaf Nation
Posts: 654
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Thunder
Quote:
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Originally Posted by spoonitnow
Do you just copy and paste every spam e-mail you get here?
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If I did, the forum would be full of ads for Viagra, requests to confirm my credit card details and news that a Nigerian billionaire wants to put $4m in my bank account.
Instead I just post funny/interesting/current affairs stuff - Darwin, Carlin, science etc that I keep on my hard drive, or does the rounds amongst my friends.
However talking of spam and the commune, you - recently - just spam every thread/post I make in this forum. You actually take the time out to post meaningless drivel replies. Even Wesrman commented on this. No idea why you do it but if it makes you happy..... |
I always comment on it because as much as i like Spoon, it drives me nuts to see him (or anyone else) piss on everyones threads. There are many, many threads that i think are a waste of time, but for the most part i just dont post in them.
FWIW i think your last 4 posts or so have been hilarious Thunder. 
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Thunder
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Flush
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England
Posts: 561
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Thx Wes.
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wufwugy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,660
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rofl
id like to know if it's true (unlikely) and a back story.
and forget spoon. he's just upset that he's a hillbilly
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spoonitnow
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by wufwugy
rofl
id like to know if it's true (unlikely) and a back story.
and forget spoon. he's just upset that he's a hillbilly
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Oh noes my secret is out *spits*
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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BankItDrew
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Losing Prop Bets
Posts: 2,789
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noice
stupid Audrey
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Girlfriend: Why are the werewolves more important than living life?!
Girlfriend: Are you on the forums doing the werewolves again?
Girlfriend: Soo... you forgot to run that errand, but you had time to werewolf? Wtf?
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wesrman
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Leaf Nation
Posts: 654
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by spoonitnow
Quote:
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Originally Posted by wufwugy
rofl
id like to know if it's true (unlikely) and a back story.
and forget spoon. he's just upset that he's a hillbilly
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Oh noes my secret is out *spits into a spitune* (ding). |
FYP.
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DaddyDeez
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Straight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: missoula, MT
Posts: 113
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you fix too many posts wes
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I post nonconstructive piss
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wesrman
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Leaf Nation
Posts: 654
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by DaddyDeez
you're awesome wes
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FYP.
I know but im lazy and its the easiest way to post whore.
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Loser's Lounge
Posts: 2,322
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by wesrman
Quote:
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Originally Posted by DaddyDeez
you're awesome wes
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FYP.
I know but im lazy and its the worst way to post whore since commune doesn't count. |
FYP
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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wesrman
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Leaf Nation
Posts: 654
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Quote:
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Originally Posted by wesrman
Quote:
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Originally Posted by DaddyDeez
you're awesome wes
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FYP.
I know but im lazy and its the worst way to post whore since commune doesn't count. |
FYP |
LOOOOOOOL
By post whore i meant troll threads. I couldnt care less how many posts i have or id post somewhere other than the commune once in a while..lol.
Good catch though Gal.
How come you arent in the fantasy hockey pool??? 
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Loser's Lounge
Posts: 2,322
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by wesrman
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Quote:
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Originally Posted by wesrman
Quote:
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Originally Posted by DaddyDeez
you're awesome wes
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FYP.
I know but im lazy and its the worst way to post whore since commune doesn't count. |
FYP |
LOOOOOOOL
By post whore i meant troll threads. I couldnt care less how many posts i have or id post somewhere other than the commune once in a while..lol.
Good catch though Gal.
How come you arent in the fantasy hockey pool??? |
I already have too many distractions from real life. Although if I knew I was going to be silenced in Werewolf for eternity I may have joined.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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