Poker Forum

Over 1,246,000 Posts!

REGISTER
Subscribe to FTR web feed
Already Registered?      Username:    Password:   Remember      Forgot Password

Poker Forum

  > 

FTR Community

  > 

A letter to Dr. Laura

  
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
bode
Old 10-31-2008, 06:13 PM     Post subject: A letter to Dr. Laura #1 (permalink)  
bode's Avatar
Straight Flush

Join Date: May 2006
Location: slow motion
Posts: 4,270
bode is an unknown quantity at this point
Send a message via Skype™ to bode
 This is cherry picked from Raptor's blog, but he pulled it from somewhere else. I cant even due justice to the hilarity, so i wont. just read it.


Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15 :19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My brother has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan, Katie PS: I am most interested in the obvious loophole regarding the enslavement of those north of the border. I have done my best to build a career off of this Biblical teaching. Please join me in supporting a new initiative based upon God's will. I also plagiarized this letter from someone far more clever and less time constrained than I.
Quote:
eeevees are not monies yet...they are like baby monies.
 
Reply With Quote

Play for FREE and practice your game at...

Join the FTR Poker Forum to disable these banners and start posting!
bode
Old 10-31-2008, 06:16 PM #2 (permalink)  
bode's Avatar
Straight Flush

Join Date: May 2006
Location: slow motion
Posts: 4,270
bode is an unknown quantity at this point
Send a message via Skype™ to bode
 it wont let me rate my own thread, but this clearly deserves 6.5 stars.
Quote:
eeevees are not monies yet...they are like baby monies.
 
Reply With Quote
BankItDrew
Old 10-31-2008, 06:21 PM #3 (permalink)  
BankItDrew's Avatar
4-of-a-Kind

Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Losing Prop Bets
Posts: 2,789
BankItDrew will become famous soon enough
 *begins slow clap*


Girlfriend: Why are the werewolves more important than living life?!

Girlfriend: Are you on the forums doing the werewolves again?

Girlfriend: Soo... you forgot to run that errand, but you had time to werewolf? Wtf?
 
Reply With Quote
GatorJH
Old 10-31-2008, 07:02 PM #4 (permalink)  
GatorJH's Avatar
4-of-a-Kind

Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: HotLanta
Posts: 3,179
GatorJH will become famous soon enough
Send a message via AIM to GatorJH
Quote:
Originally Posted by BankItDrew
*begins slow clap*
stands and joins Drew
Poker is easy, it's winning at poker that's hard.
 
Reply With Quote
al yell
Old 10-31-2008, 07:10 PM #5 (permalink)  
al yell's Avatar
Flush

Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 515
al yell
Send a message via MSN to al yell Send a message via Skype™ to al yell
Quote:
Originally Posted by GatorJH
Quote:
Originally Posted by BankItDrew
*begins slow clap*
stands and joins Drew
gives appreciative head nod with nonchalant smirk.
When Push Comes To Shove
 
Reply With Quote
Ragnar4
Old 10-31-2008, 07:23 PM #6 (permalink)  
Ragnar4's Avatar
Full House

Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Billings, Montana
Posts: 1,284
Ragnar4 will become famous soon enoughRagnar4 will become famous soon enough
Send a message via MSN to Ragnar4
I would give it 5 spades if I hadn't already seen this particular exchange in a movie where the Sheen father was running for President and dispensed these same items on an unsuspecting reporter.

But 4 spades is good.
The older I get, the more I start wondering; Just what in the hell is going on here?
 
Reply With Quote
a500lbgorilla
Old 10-31-2008, 07:29 PM #7 (permalink)  
a500lbgorilla's Avatar
JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
a500lbgorilla is a name known to alla500lbgorilla is a name known to alla500lbgorilla is a name known to alla500lbgorilla is a name known to alla500lbgorilla is a name known to alla500lbgorilla is a name known to all
Send a message via AIM to a500lbgorilla
You just gotta have faith.

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
Reply With Quote
bode
Old 10-31-2008, 08:02 PM #8 (permalink)  
bode's Avatar
Straight Flush

Join Date: May 2006
Location: slow motion
Posts: 4,270
bode is an unknown quantity at this point
Send a message via Skype™ to bode
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragnar4
I would give it 5 spades if I hadn't already seen this particular exchange in a movie where the Sheen father was running for President and dispensed these same items on an unsuspecting reporter.

But 4 spades is good.
link to youtube clip or something?
Quote:
eeevees are not monies yet...they are like baby monies.
 
Reply With Quote
Jack Sawyer
Old 10-31-2008, 10:14 PM #9 (permalink)  
Jack Sawyer's Avatar
4-of-a-Kind

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Old School
Posts: 2,535
Jack Sawyer will become famous soon enoughJack Sawyer will become famous soon enough
Quote:
Originally Posted by bode
link to youtube clip or something?
http://gods4suckers.net/archives/200...ypo-christian/


now that is pure pwnage
My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...



Quote:
VHS is like a book and a book is like a stack of kindles.
Hey, I'm in a movie!
http://youtu.be/lGdnIrRKDTI
 
Reply With Quote
Reply
Latest Poker News
KoRnholio Old 05-26-2012, 03:08 PM    Australia Legalized Online Poker coming up in next 6 to 12 Months
According to an email sent out by Mark Bryan, a gaming analyst at Merrill Lynch, the Australian government plans to legalize online poker sometime in the next six to 12 months. This move will coincide ...

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:10 AM.

Contact Us - Archive - Top

FTR Testimonials

All content
© FlopTurnRiver.com 		Advertising  |   Partners  |   Testimonials  |   T&C  |   Contact Us  |   FTR News & Press  |   Site Map  |   Search FTR

Full Tilt  |   Titan Poker  |   UltimateBet  |   Poker Stars  |   Ladbrokes Bonus  |   Sportsbook  |   Cake Poker  

Play Texas Holdem Online, Online Texas Holdem Strategy, & Poker Forum
This is not a gambling website.