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if, if's and buts...

  
 
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Chopper
Old 01-16-2008, 01:19 PM     Post subject: if, if's and buts... #1 (permalink)  
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my grandfather used to say some really funny things. sayings, if you will. stuff from generations ago. i'm sure you've heard some, too...lets have 'em!!

- if, ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we could throw a party.
- if birds had radios up their asses, there'd be music in the air.
- if frogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their butts when they jumped.

- if cockroaches carried uzi's, ducks wouldn't fuck with them.
- if everyone liked everything, everyone would be after your grandmother.

i got a million of them, but i want to hear any you heard when you were younger.
LHE is a game where your skill keeps you breakeven until you hit your rush of random BS.

Nothing beats flopping quads while dropping a duece!
 
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Frink
Old 01-16-2008, 01:30 PM #2 (permalink)  
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I never heard any amusing phrases growing up. All I heard were the "finish your dinner because there are children starving in India" type moral lessons.

One sticks out in particular. I was complaining because my parents would not buy me a pair of Nikes that I wanted.... so my father said "I used to feel sorry for myself because I did not have new shoes; until I saw a man without any legs." Naturally I said "So what", "if he has no legs, he does not need any shoes." Big mistake there. Got grounded for two months and my parents "volunteered" me to help at a homeless shelter on the weekends during that time.
I have no sig. Quit looking down here.
 
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wesrman
Old 01-16-2008, 02:33 PM     Post subject: IF #3 (permalink)  
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It's not from my childhood, but it fits in, i think..

If my aunt had a package,
she'd be my uncle.
 
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Galapogos
Old 01-16-2008, 03:13 PM     Post subject: Re: if, if's and buts... #4 (permalink)  
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Galapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really nice
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chopper
- if, ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we could throw a party.
My grandpa's version: if, ifs and buts were candies and nuts, it'd be Christmas all year 'round.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
 
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ProZachNation
Old 01-16-2008, 03:14 PM #5 (permalink)  
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my dad has a million of them that I have heard a million times, mostly when hes making fun of me

-smooth move exlax
-you're so bright I'll call you son

damn I can't remember anymore right now
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Originally Posted by mrhappy333
I didn't think its Bold to bang some chick with my bro. but i guess so... thats +EV in my book.
 
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pgil
Old 01-16-2008, 03:17 PM #6 (permalink)  
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ain't ain't a word

there's no such thing as a 'yabut' used whenever someone would say "ya, but....." around my grandpa
"If you can't say f*ck, you can't say f*ck the government" - Lenny Bruce
 
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wesrman
Old 01-16-2008, 03:22 PM     Post subject: Fun and games #7 (permalink)  
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It's all fun and games, until someone loses an eye.
Then it's a party.
 
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Galapogos
Old 01-16-2008, 03:30 PM #8 (permalink)  
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Galapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really niceGalapogos is just really nice
 "That's what horses eat."

^^ what my dad would cut you off with it you started a sentence with "Hey"


Quote:
Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
 
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Chopper
Old 01-16-2008, 03:42 PM #9 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galapogos
"That's what horses eat."

^^ what my dad would cut you off with it you started a sentence with "Hey"
not to get off-topic, but along these lines...

my stepfather would blatantly say, "NO," if someone ever said, "do me a favor..." he would say, "thats no favor. youre just to chicken shit to ask me to do something directly. now, look me in the eye, dont be a weasel, and tell me what you want me to do for you."

i always thought it was a bit overboard, but i do kind of see the deeper meaning in that.
LHE is a game where your skill keeps you breakeven until you hit your rush of random BS.

Nothing beats flopping quads while dropping a duece!
 
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Silly String
Old 01-16-2008, 09:03 PM #10 (permalink)  
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Wow, that guy must have been an asshole.
Playing live . . . thanks alot Bin Laden.
 
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pankfish
Old 01-16-2008, 10:46 PM #11 (permalink)  
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Piss in one hand and wish in the other. See which one fills up first.

I don't care if you have to hair lip every cow in TX. ( i don't know what that means. I don't think my dad does either)

If you don't ..... your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower. (pretty sure it was from movie)

Then of course the old excuses are like assholes.

A bunch more. i'm trying to put it all behind me.
<Staxalax> I want everyone to put my quote in their sigs
 
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spoonitnow
Old 01-16-2008, 11:47 PM #12 (permalink)  
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 Growing up around my dad and his family was great for this sort of thing.

One day I turned my hat back while doing something because it was getting in the way and my dad was like "Turn your hat around like a white nigger."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.

Rule # 1: don't ask questions

Rule # 2: don't ask questions

I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
 
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Chopper
Old 01-17-2008, 02:16 AM #13 (permalink)  
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i had a 6th grade teacher that said things like...

- i'm as serious as a heart attack.
- turn that work in immediately...if not, sooner.
LHE is a game where your skill keeps you breakeven until you hit your rush of random BS.

Nothing beats flopping quads while dropping a duece!
 
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Jack Sawyer
Old 01-17-2008, 06:02 AM #14 (permalink)  
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Jack Sawyer will become famous soon enoughJack Sawyer will become famous soon enough
 es ke busca haya, es ke haya wanta


rough translation:

he who searches for finds, he who finds has to stand (tolerate it)
My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...



Quote:
VHS is like a book and a book is like a stack of kindles.
Hey, I'm in a movie!
http://youtu.be/lGdnIrRKDTI
 
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Chopper
Old 01-17-2008, 01:21 PM #15 (permalink)  
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which of the languages you speak is that, Jack?

gotta be a "romance language," as buscar (to look) i can recognize. but, the pronoun (ke), i dont.

Dutch/Portuguese or one of the Curacaon dialects?
LHE is a game where your skill keeps you breakeven until you hit your rush of random BS.

Nothing beats flopping quads while dropping a duece!
 
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Aces
Old 01-17-2008, 05:28 PM #16 (permalink)  
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From my Papa:


If being nosy:
You mind your business, I'll mind mine
We'll both get along, won't that be fine

If asking what something was that was ovbiously none of your business
Chicken butt. Want a bite, for your appetite?

I'll have to think of some others...
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Jack Sawyer
Old 01-17-2008, 07:19 PM #17 (permalink)  
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Jack Sawyer will become famous soon enoughJack Sawyer will become famous soon enough
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chopper
which of the languages you speak is that, Jack?

gotta be a "romance language," as buscar (to look) i can recognize. but, the pronoun (ke), i dont.

Dutch/Portuguese or one of the Curacaon dialects?

Curacao dialect Papiamento, which literally translated means "talking", you are right on

I have no idea why people insist on writing it though, very hard to follow when written, very easy to confuse the meaning of any given sentence when its written
My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...



Quote:
VHS is like a book and a book is like a stack of kindles.
Hey, I'm in a movie!
http://youtu.be/lGdnIrRKDTI
 
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Chopper
Old 01-17-2008, 08:31 PM #18 (permalink)  
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Rabbit, get your ears in your own garden!

and, who can answer this one? self hi-five for you if you do...

Whats up?...Chicken Butt...(you fill in the rest)
LHE is a game where your skill keeps you breakeven until you hit your rush of random BS.

Nothing beats flopping quads while dropping a duece!
 
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Pythonic
Old 01-17-2008, 11:35 PM #19 (permalink)  
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As soon as my grandfather parked the car he would say, "ok everyone out of the pool"
Never bet on a white man in the heavyweight division!
 
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Chopper
Old 01-18-2008, 04:01 AM #20 (permalink)  
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ahhh,

two signs immediately pooped into my head......oops, i meant popped...lol

- we dont swim in your toilet. please dont pee in our pool"

- SWIMMING _OOL IN BACK
please notice our sign. please note there's no P in it. lets keep it that way.
LHE is a game where your skill keeps you breakeven until you hit your rush of random BS.

Nothing beats flopping quads while dropping a duece!
 
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