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vqc
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04-03-2005, 11:01 AM
Post subject: How many five year olds could you take on?
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#1 (permalink)
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,427
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ok, I just read this at the 2+2 forums, I dont kno if its been posted here before (Ill check the search function in a second), But it is ridiculously amusing.
The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?
The specifics:
- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.
I personally thingk I could take on at least 30. Im only like 5'5", if even.
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Legendash
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Full House
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Crypto 6max 100NL
Posts: 611
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I'm not sure i could knock a 5 year old unconscious,this question is somewhat unpalatable. how do you know he's unconscious and not dead, i imagine it's a fine line with 5 year olds.
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"[This theory] is only useful for helping to calculate your luck odds. If you have a good read that you have a numerical advantage against your opponent, that your hand is "luckier"..."
Copyright, Youngdro 2007.
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ake
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Straight
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Compton - L.A
Posts: 138
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Yeah..if they die, do they still count? I bet about 30-40. But you'd have to cover your jewels with one hand all the time and swing with the other. 
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Aceofone
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Flush
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 497
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LOL, you guys have NO idea.
I used to box and one of the exercises was sparring against 3 eight year-olds. Now, I admit that an 8 year old is relatively stronger than a 5 year old, but they were trained to fight. And they could kick my ass.
1 kid was easy, 2 was doable, but 3, the fists come so fast from so many directions that you just get pummeled. 
Personally I think I could take 7-8, tops.
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I could take 1.
2 if I'm feeling lucky.
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Sykedupp
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Flush
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 550
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I could probably take 5.... If they have training in hand to hand... then they know the basics of "everybody attack at once" ... you coudnt take 30.
-Chris
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by soupie
That is the beauty of poker, it doesnt matter how they play, you can always devise the perfect defense and counterpunch hard.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Do the have testicles big enough to hurt?
I could probably take 10. Many more would just be too many at once.
If I was given a year to condition myself, I could probably take them all (80-100).
-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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Sykedupp
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Flush
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 550
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Do the have testicles big enough to hurt?
I could probably take 10. Many more would just be too many at once.
If I was given a year to condition myself, I could probably take them all (80-100).
-'rilla
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Yes but your only given an hour. And everybody is wearing a cup (look at 1st post)
All you cheapos... No crotch shots allowed.
-Chris
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by soupie
That is the beauty of poker, it doesnt matter how they play, you can always devise the perfect defense and counterpunch hard.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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I'd still kick them in the cup. Those things hurt when you get rammed hard enough.
If they're heads arn't that high from the ground, I would probably end up missing the cup and whacking them in the eye anyway. (My aim is off)
-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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ake
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Straight
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Compton - L.A
Posts: 138
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I missed the part with the cup, so I'll change my from 30 (1 hand) to 60 (2 hands) 
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™
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Straight
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 144
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At least 100. (without breaking a sweat that is)
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ensign_lee
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The University of TEXAS at Austin
Posts: 2,237
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First, I'd like to say that this is a somewhat morbid subject.
That being said, I think 5-10? I can't really remember what a 5 year old looks like. I have the image of an 8-10 year old in my head and I could probably only take 2, maybe 3 of them.
Seriously, if they're even remotely trained in the "attack all at once" type of thing, you're screwed. You can't block EVERYTHING. something's gonna get through.
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™
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Straight
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 144
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Even if one of them gets through, what can they do? Im sorry but ive been hit by much worse than a five year old.
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Sed
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Full House
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Wastin' away again in margaritaville....
Posts: 1,102
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the thing i would be worried about is getting a few of them little bastards attached to my legs and then getting toppled, dogpiled and passing out.... I suppose that with less than 10 or so you could get up but any more than 15 that would be a real worry. I wouldn't be too worried about their punches.
- sed
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Gatlin Dan
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Flush
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wild Bill's Backyard
Posts: 504
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if they get to your legs your done. Once you go down, it's all over. Your agility is one thing you have that five year olds don't.
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ake
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Straight
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Compton - L.A
Posts: 138
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Pick one up by the legs and do the tornado, bam!
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
Posts: 7,964
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Only 4 (maybe 5) could attack you at once. So if you could take 5, you could take 40 if you are in good shape.
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ensign_lee
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The University of TEXAS at Austin
Posts: 2,237
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by gabe
Only 4 (maybe 5) could attack you at once. So if you could take 5, you could take 40 if you are in good shape.
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what do you mean? They could all just JUMP on you.
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Legendash
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Full House
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Crypto 6max 100NL
Posts: 611
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yeah, once 5 have clung to you another 5 cling on and then 10 more start beating you, i'm sure a 5 year old jumping on your head could do some damage
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"[This theory] is only useful for helping to calculate your luck odds. If you have a good read that you have a numerical advantage against your opponent, that your hand is "luckier"..."
Copyright, Youngdro 2007.
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FyrFytr998
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Milford,Ct.
Posts: 1,412
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Being former preschool gym teacher. I have first hand knowledge of the "hordes" power. About 7 were able to take me down with a good bumrush And 11 total had me crying for mommy. Especially when they're working off a sugar high from lunch time. Just imagine getting wrestled by crackhead Yodas. Scary enough for you?
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Greedo017
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
Posts: 1,461
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yes, but i'm willing to bet you weren't trying to kill them as fast as you can.
this question depends a lot on how organized the little kids are. i mean, assuming this is a good sized gym, and you start not-surrounded, i don't see why i couldn't take down as many as you could throw at me until i got exhausted. 25+ easy. the only problem would be if they were very organized. they could line up in a row almost and just dive at my legs, and then have someone dive at my knees, then waist, etc. until i got knocked down. the only question is, if you were lying on the ground being pummeled by 5 year olds, couldn't you still take out like 25 just by kicking and punching away?
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DaNutsInYoEye
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 1,921
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Quote:
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the only question is, if you were lying on the ground being pummeled by 5 year olds, couldn't you still take out like 25 just by kicking and punching away?
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I have little doubt that 10+ 5 year olds could bum rush me and subdue me at least temporarily. The thing is though that they have to knock you out. If they managed to get me on the ground and I was in the fetal position, I really don't think their punches/kicks would be enough to make me lose consciousness. If you have ever boxed or wrestled seriously you know that an all out attack tires you out very quickly. I think I'd be able to withstand the initial onslaught and take those little shits down once they tired out.
You also have to consider that one solid punch or kick to the head of little Suzie or Billy is going to incompacitate them. You can maybe teach a kid to fight somewhat in 24 hours, but you can't teach them pain tolerance. Five year old's bones break much easier than mine and if someone is potentially trying to kill me you can bet your ass I'm still going to fight as well as I can even with broken ribs, arm, etc. If I had the chance I'd also try ripping the femur of a kid and start cracking skulls. All that said... I think I could realistically take 20-25 kindgergardners.
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TheXianti: (Triptanes) why are you not a thinking person?
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FyrFytr998
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Milford,Ct.
Posts: 1,412
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Yeah, but what about the mongloid 5 year old that looks 10 and puts you in the Cobra Clutch? I ticket to lala land please, lol.
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Iconoclastic
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Flush
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 324
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Can't you just break their necks one by one?
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What's the difference between a large cheese pizza and a poker player?
A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.
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vqc
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,427
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as ur grabbing ones head, the rest would bum rush you.
i like the tornado
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Greedo017
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
Posts: 1,461
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haha, just thought of a twist on this scenario. I'm sure most of you are thinking of guys. what if there were 20 girls with long nails also there? You couldn't last nearly as long if you were bleeding significantly, or got your eye gauged.
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i betcha that i got something you ain't got, that's called courage, it don't come from no liquor bottle, it ain't scotch
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Greedo017
haha, just thought of a twist on this scenario. I'm sure most of you are thinking of guys. what if there were 20 girls with long nails also there? You couldn't last nearly as long if you were bleeding significantly, or got your eye gauged.
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Eye gouging would be the only way.
If the just clawed at you, it would take some time to get deep enough where the bleeding doesn't stop on it own.
-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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Laeelin
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,137
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Wow, I take it most of ya'll are not parents.
I just have a 3 year old, and I can tell you 2 things:
1) Your underestimating how much strength a child has, and how much damage they can do by a lot. If you have never had tears of pain in your eyes after horsing around with a 3 year old then you’re not a parent. Don’t assume that they are so helpless.
2) Kids have more energy than a tornado. Your going to be wore out before they even start feeling tired.
That said, 1 would be easy, but 4+ would start being really really hard, 10 wouldn’t break a sweat taking down any of us. (Remember they are trained in group fighting)
Remember the movies of the cow being took down by piranha?
You’re the cow.
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Gatlin Dan
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Flush
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wild Bill's Backyard
Posts: 504
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Laeelin
Remember the movies of the cow being took down by piranha?
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The eye-opening experiences of the discovery channel
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Hehe, Google this topic name, see the sheer amount of forums it's been posted on. I was shocked when I saw all the different forums this very question has been posted on.
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vqc
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,427
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ya i saw this on 2+2 (originated) and the first post there was in like january. It has spread very quickly. I was surprised that it hadnt been posted here before.
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SmackinYaUp
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: B N L
Posts: 1,725
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I think the correct wording of the question is not
"How many 5 year olds can you knock out in one hour?"
but
"How many 5 year olds could Michael Jackson knock up in one hour?"
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Sykedupp
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Flush
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 550
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by SmackinYaUp
I think the correct wording of the question is not
"How many 5 year olds can you knock out in one hour?"
but
"How many 5 year olds could Michael Jackson knock up in one hour?"
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ROFLCOPTER!
-Chris
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by soupie
That is the beauty of poker, it doesnt matter how they play, you can always devise the perfect defense and counterpunch hard.
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storm75m
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Flush
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: 6MAX-NL - Houston
Posts: 401
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you guys are some sick bastards!!!
and you're underestimating a day of training for all of these little guys, hell yeah they're going to be organized, and believe me they're going straight for your temple when they get a shot.
I'm trainied in martial arts, and you would have to do a hell of a lot of moving (so they can't jump you), with a few knockouts in between, to even get past 10. (Guess I'm a sick bastard as well since I'm thinking about strategy...) But like someone said, you would probably be killing many of them. Would be fun though!! (I'm going str8 to hell)
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Lack of Discipline and Over-Confidence... The root of all poker evil.
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Surf_Thug
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Straight
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 215
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lol
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Currently Playing 8 Tables of 25NL 10-Max.
Or
2 Tables of 100NL 10-Max
Current Bankroll: $625
Goal: To stop pulling $$$ out of my bankroll and build it up to 1k.
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eeeee
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 906
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Starting positions would be important. With a little room to move around, and a cup, you should be able to disable several before being overwhelmed -- throat, eye, knee, shoulder dislocations, nose, throw down and step on the neck while fleeing, knocking heads together. Disabling them with twists and blows would be easier than specifically knocking them out. Biting would be the main concern, as one good clamp down from a kid slows down adult fleeing strategies and would allow the rest to catch up. Five year olds are pretty small and have low pain tolerance, but can be coached.
If they pick starting positions, with a coach, I could take 6 (from a pool of 12). If I pick starting positions, I figure I could do 12 or more.
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I'm a know-it-all.
No, really.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Alright. I took the experiment to the field.
I went to a local Karate class and just started beating up kids. I got through about 6 before one of the little bastards bit my Achieles' tendon. I managed to convince the doctor at the ER that we all just "fell down some stairs." But the cops were a little less lennient on the matter.
I'm still confident I could worked through atleast 6 more before they got me.
-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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Superior
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 37
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I would just slide tackle them and let the domino effect do the rest.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Superior
I would just slide tackle them and let the domino effect do the rest.
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Do you remember how hard it was to "Line up!" when you were 5 years old.
-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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ChezJ
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Full House
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Washington, D.C.
Posts: 1,456
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is this supposed to be an analogy for playing AA against a field of brainless calling stations?
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eeeee
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 906
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Alright. I took the experiment to the field.
I went to a local Karate class and just started beating up kids. I got through about 6 before one of the little bastards bit my Achieles' tendon. I managed to convince the doctor at the ER that we all just "fell down some stairs." But the cops were a little less lennient on the matter.
I'm still confident I could worked through atleast 6 more before they got me.
-'rilla
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See?!? It's the biting that can get'cha!
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I'm a know-it-all.
No, really.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by ChezJ
is this supposed to be an analogy for playing AA against a field of brainless calling stations?
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Nope, just the unrelenting slaughter of children.
-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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eeeee
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 906
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
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Originally Posted by ChezJ
is this supposed to be an analogy for playing AA against a field of brainless calling stations?
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Nope, just the unrelenting slaughter of children.
-'rilla |
ROFL!!!!!!!11
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I'm a know-it-all.
No, really.
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Greedo017
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
Posts: 1,461
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i think i decided the best idea is just to run them over. I definitely think the Law of Dominoes applies here. then maybe try some psychological warfare on them. ram one of them, grab him as you're running, then give him a nice piledriver. i bet that evil priest in indiana jones and the temple of doom would be a good ally for the psychological part too.
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i betcha that i got something you ain't got, that's called courage, it don't come from no liquor bottle, it ain't scotch
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Greedo017
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
Posts: 1,461
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i just one upped myself, who needs the evil priest from indiana jones to scare little kids just get a catholic one! ba-dum-ching
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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-'rilla
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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vqc
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,427
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holy shit hahahahahahahahahaha.
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eeeee
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 906
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
-'rilla
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I'm a know-it-all.
No, really.
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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5 year olds weigh.. what.. like 40? 50 lbs?
You have to think smart, firt off how many can you fit in the alotted area, but still have room to run? if they all come at you at once, thats no problem; as long as you have somewhere to run. 5 year olds arent too fast, and they arent too smart, eventually you will have a faster one out in front, thats when you quickly STOP, grab the lil fucker, and toss him back into the crowd. There now youve taken out a couple, maybe damaged some more. now you have the advantage, they are all in front of you, none behind you (they where chasing you and you turned around). Also they have all haulted do to the chaos of having one of thier own used against them. Now they are coming at you again in full force, what do you do? start kicking. Kick as many as you can, as close to the temple as possible. This is a GUARANTEED knock out for a 5 year old, and if you are lucky youll leave some long lasting brain damage. Thatll teach the lil fuckers a thing or two. Now, eventually this tactic will cease to work because they will surround you, and start to bite your ankles, once this has happened you are going down. Therefore you must know when enough is enough, and make sure not to get encircled. When you feel that they are closing in, start running again, pick out the leader and toss him into the crowd, rinse and repeat.
Oh, and dont for get the last 3, these will be fun. Now you are pumped with adreniline and pissed the fuck off from all the ankle bites you got the one time you got over-zealous and keep on kicking, letting them surround you. You manage to get out of it, but you are pissed none the less. there are 3 left, and youre 'run-stop-N-toss' tecnique is no longer effective. Heres what you do: grab the first one and toss him as high as he can go (gyms typically have high cealings.. see if you can get him high enough to hit the cealing. For the second one, grab his ankles and swing him around, slowly moving closer to a wall as you swing, I think you get the idea. For the last one, nothing less of a full out piledriving will do. If you are unsure of how this move is performed, see image below.
And that my freinds is how you take out as many lil snotty nosed 5 year olds as you want, given enough running space of course.
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Greedo017
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
Posts: 1,461
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excellent
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