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Warpe
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08-15-2006, 06:20 PM
Post subject: Fruit Flies {graphic images}
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#1 (permalink)
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
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So I go to my ex-brother-in-law's place (after working out  ), and a group of us are sitting around the table for dinner. In the middle of the meal, I notice there's a couple of fruit flies flying around our heads and point them out to our host. He's gay, btw.
He says, "Damn. I hate those things. I wonder what's attracting fruit flies?"
I pause for a moment, then say, "Well, duh."
His partner spat his drink all over the table, he laughed so hard.
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Rondavu
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08-15-2006, 06:26 PM
Post subject: Re: Fruit Flies
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#2 (permalink)
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,053
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warpe
So I go to my ex-brother-in-law's place (after working out ), and a group of us are sitting around the table for dinner. In the middle of the meal, I notice there's a couple of fruit flies flying around our heads and point them out to our host. He's gay, btw.
He says, "Damn. I hate those things. I wonder what's attracting fruit flies?"
I pause for a moment, then say, "Well, duh."
His partner spat his drink all over the table, he laughed so hard. |
That's a bit of subtle edgy genius right there.
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It's not what's inside that counts. Have you seen what's inside?
Internal organs. And they're getting uglier by the minute.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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How did I miss this post? Good stuff. You forgot to add the part about all these hot chicks checking you out but then later just becoming friends.
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LOL OPERATIONS
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theDEEPdish
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Straight
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: in a van by the river
Posts: 236
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your sister got divorced cause her husband was gay?
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BobbySalami
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Flush
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Limbo
Posts: 433
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^^^It appears that way?^^^
But that is some funny shit right there no matter how you cut it.
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If you wanna turn your daddy parts ORANGE eat some cheetos and watch some porn!
Currently sucking at life!
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by theDEEPdish
your sister got divorced cause her husband was gay?
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or did you brother get divorced because it just wasn't working out?
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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did you contract gaids from the vaporized saliva/soda mixture?
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
Posts: 7,964
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ha, lets turn this into a thread where we post our funniest moments of the day!
ill post one as soon as i turn funny in real life
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Quote:
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Originally Posted by theDEEPdish
your sister got divorced cause her husband was gay?
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or did you brother get divorced because it just wasn't working out? |
The brother of my ex = ex-brother-in-law
Funny thing though...my uncle's wife left him for another woman, but that's another story. My uncle, the minister, btw.
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BobbySalami
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Flush
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Limbo
Posts: 433
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Holy shit, thats crazy. Warpe's thread of awesomness anyone?...
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If you wanna turn your daddy parts ORANGE eat some cheetos and watch some porn!
Currently sucking at life!
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Another story...
In a previous life I used to work in Churchill, Manitoba - "The Polar Bear Capital of the World". Polar bears den in the area in the summer and then congregate near the shore in the fall waiting for the ice to form on Hudson Bay so they can go seal hunting.
I worked shifts at the airport which is a mile or two from town, and we had a shift-change vehicle that brought the new shift in and took the old shift out.
At the end of one fall evening shift we were on our way back to town and passed a polar bear lumbering along the side of the road. No biggie - we saw them all the time. Then we notice that the bear was following a trail of human footprints in the snow. Sure enough, a couple of hundred yards further on, we see a guy who worked for one of the airlines walking in the same direction.
We pull up and roll down the window.
"Want a ride?"
"No, I'm okay. It's a nice night. But thanks anyway!"
"Look behind you."
He turns around and squints into the snow for minute. Then he got in. His face was absolutely white.
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
Posts: 7,964
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givememyleg
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WHO YA GONNA CALL?!??
Administrator
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: ISHPERMING MISHIGEN
Posts: 5,042
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warpe
"Want a ride?"
"No, I'm okay. It's a nice night. But thanks anyway!"
"Look behind you.".
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looooooooool
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Get your own badge! Click profile at the top and FTR Badge from the left nav.
"The Dragon in My Garage" by Carl Sagan
I say onto you, I've felt the dragon! I felt the touch of his tail, the breath of his fire, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the dragon exists!
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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man... fuck lukies thread, this thread needs to make it to a gazillion pages, cuz your stories kick ass.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
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WARPE'S THREAD OF AWESOMENESS
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LOL OPERATIONS
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Anonymous
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you ex brother is a fruit?
Polar bears dont eat humans
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by L4 Johnny
Polar bears dont eat humans
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Um...no. Polar bears are the most likely species to kill humans for food, as they are at the top of the food chain in an environment where they have no natural predators and their diet is by neccessity 100% meat. They assume anything they encounter is potential prey.
Inuit (Eskimo) hunters have many stories of being actively stalked by polar bears, and many more of hunters who have been killed. When I was in Churchill, one person was killed in the middle of town.
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jyms
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Tilting Mod
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,836
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you beat me to it warpe. I guess only a canadian would know that. How about responding to his other question. Since you haven't answered that yet. LOL
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by L4 Johnny
you ex brother[-in-law] is a fruit?
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congrats for getting the punchline
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
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I played my semi-regular game with the boys from work last night. The cards hit me pretty good early, I triple up, then lose it all after I misplay one hand badly and buddy boats up on the river on another. So I go to rebuy and get handed the standard $10 stack we all start with. Big money, this game.
"Give me another one, please."
"What for?"
I point to the bigger stacks at the table.
"I need to have those guys covered."
"Geez, you're getting serious. C'mon man, this is just a friendly game."
"Then hand me another one of them stacks, reeeeal friendly like," I say, in my best gunslinger voice.
I got my chips. I got most of theirs, too. GG me.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Well played, sir.
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Miffed22001
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09-16-2006, 12:18 AM
Post subject: Re: Fruit Flies
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#22 (permalink)
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Marry Me Cheryl!!!
Posts: 8,181
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warpe
So I go to my ex-brother-in-law's place (after working out ), and a group of us are sitting around the table for dinner. In the middle of the meal, I notice there's a couple of fruit flies flying around our heads and point them out to our host. He's gay, btw.
He says, "Damn. I hate those things. I wonder what's attracting fruit flies?"
I pause for a moment, then say, "Well, duh."
His partner spat his drink all over the table, he laughed so hard. |
This is a beautiful use of the english langauge.
I laughed so hard. :P
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by L4 Johnny
Polar bears dont eat humans
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***WARNING!!! GRAPHIC IMAGES!!!***
***DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!***
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
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oh my god.
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irishiain
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 29
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Holy shit
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stupid people make my brain sad
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donkbee
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WELP
Join Date: May 2005
Location: so close but so far
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Can I put a *disgusting* tag in the subject??
The leg/foot pic is by far the worst.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fnord
Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
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badandy519
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Straight
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: mckinney, tx
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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Those pictures were awesome.
I think this one was my favorite:
lol, gotcha!
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donkbee
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WELP
Join Date: May 2005
Location: so close but so far
Posts: 3,604
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******
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fnord
Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by courtiebee
fucker
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amirite?
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
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god dammit warpe!!!
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
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that ankle looks ripe for some rotisserie action.
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donkbee
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WELP
Join Date: May 2005
Location: so close but so far
Posts: 3,604
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
Quote:
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Originally Posted by courtiebee
fucker
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amirite? |
Shh, I'm trying to avoid more strikes.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fnord
Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Damnit, I was eating. Guess I'll finish my meal later.
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Damnit, I was eating. Guess I'll finish my meal later.
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haha, I was too at the time. I can honestly say that it didn't affect me in the least. The only thing that I find I generally having a hard time watching are nasty sports injuries-- basically whenever a leg, arm, back, etc., twists or breaks in a way it was obviously not meant to, I always have to look away in discust. A foot with a massive chunk bitten out didn't seem to bother me, though.
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
A foot with a massive chunk bitten out didn't seem to bother me, though.
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Um...actually, that particular file was named "GunDamage" when I received it. Story goes that this guy was able to grab his hunting rifle which was in the tent with him and shoot the bear, but he must've put a shot through his own ankle during the struggle.
That's one tough friggin' camper. Guy looks like he's an Inuit.
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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honestly... porn grosses me out when Im eating. I dont remember how I found this out, I think I might have just finished downloading something with some hot chick in it, opened it but then felt disgusting.
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DaNutsInYoEye
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 1,921
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warpe
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
A foot with a massive chunk bitten out didn't seem to bother me, though.
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Um...actually, that particular file was named "GunDamage" when I received it. Story goes that this guy was able to grab his hunting rifle which was in the tent with him and shoot the bear, but he must've put a shot through his own ankle during the struggle.
That's one tough friggin' camper. Guy looks like he's an Inuit. |
I was wondering about that. Didn't make sense for his achilles to be intact if the wound was caused by a bite.
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TheXianti: (Triptanes) why are you not a thinking person?
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by boostNslide
honestly... porn grosses me out when Im eating. I dont remember how I found this out, I think I might have just finished downloading something with some hot chick in it, opened it but then felt disgusting.
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That's because you're a homosexual. (insert lukie seriously)
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LOL OPERATIONS
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Miffed22001
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Marry Me Cheryl!!!
Posts: 8,181
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
Quote:
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Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Damnit, I was eating. Guess I'll finish my meal later.
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haha, I was too at the time. I can honestly say that it didn't affect me in the least. The only thing that I find I generally having a hard time watching are nasty sports injuries-- basically whenever a leg, arm, back, etc., twists or breaks in a way it was obviously not meant to, I always have to look away in discust. A foot with a massive chunk bitten out didn't seem to bother me, though. |
Ill have to see if i can find a picture of a soccer player called David Busst breaking his leg a few years back.
Honestly, its the most horrific thing you'll see in regards to sports injuries. Theirs no blood, its just what actually happens to his leg as it breaks thats zomghorrible.
And warpe, you are one sick motherfucker, but those pics are cool. I looked on with grusome awe or some shit like that :P
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pantherhound
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Flush
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Love me for a season
Posts: 492
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[quote="Miffed22001"]
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
Ill have to see if i can find a picture of a soccer player called David Busst breaking his leg a few years back.
Honestly, its the most horrific thing you'll see in regards to sports injuries. Theirs no blood, its just what actually happens to his leg as it breaks thats zomghorrible.
And warpe, you are one sick motherfucker, but those pics are cool. I looked on with grusome awe or some shit like that :P
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i remember that one. His entire leg was severed and was contained in his sock, schmeichel took one look and vomited profusely behind the goal.
Did anyone in england see that nature programme with the polar bear and the penguins et al? Unbelievable footage. My favourite part was the polar bear swimming across the Antarctic to find food when the ice had melted, then trying to attack that pack of giant walruses as a last ditch attempt to live. I felt sad for the old thing.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Pay4myCad!!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Oklahoma, at some point in the next 15 yrs... Apparently
Posts: 82
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First section of this thread was funnier than sh*t.
Second half made me wonder if "Double Chocolate Dream Cookies" are going to be just as tasty the second time around.
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Of course I have bad days...
Sometimes I'll go a whole day without quads.
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by pantherhound
My favourite part was the polar bear swimming across the Antarctic...
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wrong end of the planet
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Miffed22001
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Marry Me Cheryl!!!
Posts: 8,181
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
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yummy. 
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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I had my first ever hot air balloon ride yesterday. There were 5 balloons all told, and we were in the last one to go up. There was a slight north wind so we took off from the north side of the city and flew to the south. Our flight path took us right by our football stadium where the Grey Cup, the CFL championship game, was on. Our path also took us directly over the airport, and we got to watch as the Snowbirds, Canada's military aerobatic team, taxiied out and took off in formation to do a flyby of the stadium.
Absolutely awesome experience. Also, you wouldn't believe the number of dogs that bark at you when you fly over them in a hot air balloon.
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ensign_lee
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The University of TEXAS at Austin
Posts: 2,237
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what...the fuck?!?!
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jyms
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Tilting Mod
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,836
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Nice one Warpe. Quality Canadian BUMP.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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should we start a bigred and warpe's thread od randomness, it would easily be better than any other thread of the same name
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LOL OPERATIONS
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donkbee
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WELP
Join Date: May 2005
Location: so close but so far
Posts: 3,604
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warpe
Our flight path took us right by our football stadium where the Grey Cup, the CFL championship game, was on.
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Go Lions!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fnord
Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
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