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Reidak
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02-05-2007, 09:56 PM
Post subject: the friends zone
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#1 (permalink)
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 566
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Im posting this with the assumption people know what im talking about. I'll explain briefly: females have men they know in 2 categories: friends, and potential lovers. However, its always hard to know where you stand when your a guy, but once you face facts its not hard to figure out.
Anyways my question to all our resident "ballas" on the site.
How do you get out.
Basically, i made the mistake of listening too much, letting myself slip into the friends zone and im mad because I had a lock on this girl too. Ive got other girl friends, I dont mind letting this one go for a while - but shes got too much potential to forget about.
Ive heard the best thing for this is to just cut contact. We share some classes so I can't do that. Basically im thinking of not answering phone calls most of the time, not seeing her as much as i do now, don't let her take emotional dumps on my chest about her problems.
Any other recommendations? Am i on the right track?
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Warpe
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http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmit...ng_advice.html
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jyms
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Tilting Mod
Join Date: Feb 2006
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Let her know you don't need any friends. You need "friends'. Not in so many words, but go through the motions, ask her out, make a move. Don't do the friends thing, coffee, lunch, hanging out during the day, studying. Do the I wanna F**k things, dinner, late night drinking, slow dancing and making moves.
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Ash256
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4-of-a-Kind
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http://www.laddertheory.com/
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ash256
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I read that a month ago or so with a friend, a good laugh.
Right now im the intellectual whore.. my plan is to climb down the friends ladder, walk along the edge of the abyss, and then hopefully get on the real ladder.
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
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Just ask Lukie-- oh. err no don't.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Just ask Lukie-- oh. err no don't.
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am i missing an inside joke or something?
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UG
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,855
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Sounds like you need to distance yourself from this girl. Get another girlfriend and make her jealous. If there's anything there she'll come around. Once you have another girlfriend one of two things will happen:
1) She'll be really happy for you and actually mean it (which sucks because there's no chance)
or
2) "She'll be really happy for you" but actually start to see you in a different way, then she'll start to want you as more than just a friend.
In the end it's all a big game, really, at least in my experience.
Honestly, though, these types of situations usually don't work out with the two parties involved falling madly in love and staying together forever. Again, just my experience, though.
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bigspenda73
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pwnsylvania
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You're fucked, there is no turning back, sorry.
Next time don't be a pussy
Last resort, if you don't care about this one being a friend get together, get drunk, and try to hook up. That's about it. You're have about a 99:1 chance of this being anything b/c girls know off the bat if they wanna fuck you or be friends with you.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, plenty of other chicks out there. Best thing to do is prolly go fuck her best friend. Yep, that's what I'd try to do. Of course, it's cuz I can.
You read that entire post? Ok, that's the mindset you need to bang these girls and not be friends with them. Throw feelings out the window, whip your shit out, and say "lets go"
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UG
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,855
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigspenda73
You're fucked, there is no turning back, sorry.
Next time don't be a pussy
Last resort, if you don't care about this one being a friend get together, get drunk, and try to hook up. That's about it. You're have about a 99:1 chance of this being anything b/c girls know off the bat if they wanna fuck you or be friends with you.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, plenty of other chicks out there. Best thing to do is prolly go fuck her best friend. Yep, that's what I'd try to do. Of course, it's cuz I can.
You read that entire post? Ok, that's the mindset you need to bang these girls and not be friends with them. Throw feelings out the window, whip your shit out, and say "lets go"
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QFT most definitely.
I sorta said the same thing, mostly, but I think this drives the point home a little better. 
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Loser's Lounge
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigspenda73
You're fucked, there is no turning back, sorry.
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Pffft such a myth. If you don't know how to go from friend to guy-she's-fucking you obviously suck at stealing girls from their boyfriends.
Jishu, be more flirty with her, let her know you think she's hot, WITHOUT BEING CREEPY. That is so key. If you can get along with girls and you don't have some hirrod disfigurement you can hook up with any girl you want just by being flirty without the creepyness.
And don't turn on the faggyness when you hang out with her. Still be a guy. Tell her guy jokes or adventures you and your friends went on. Make sure she knows you're a guy but not an asshole.
The thing UG suggested about seeing another chick doesn't make her want you. It's just a good way to test if she wants you. And you can figure that out just by talking about a hot chick.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 566
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All this good advice. And yeah, the biggest thing I'm taking away from this is stay out of the friends zone to begin with. I realize how futile all the shit i was doing before, where I thought I was making progress I was just digging the hole deeper. Anyways I think the easiest thing for me to do is to get a girlfriend and let the chips fall where they may. If I bag the one I want thats cool, but I forget who said it but theres alot of other girls out there. Im on tunnel vision right now.
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Numbr2intheWorld
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Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,561
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Make sure she knows you're a guy but not an asshole.
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No be an asshole, girls like that. haha
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swiggidy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Massimo
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Make sure she knows you're a guy but not an asshole.
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No stick it in her asshole, girls like that. haha |
FYP
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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koolmoe
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Drowning in prosperity
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My wife and I were good friends in high school - my best friend had a huge crush on her. She and I nearly hooked up fall semester of our senior year, but things went a little awry and we went back to being best friends (or so I thought).
Around Christmas, we had a phone conversation about whether I should go on a date with this semi hot (but very popular) chick who basically dropped some blatant hints to a friend of mine that she wanted to go out with me.
A week later, my future wife called me up and invited me over to a girls-only New Years Eve party she and some friends were having. I was making out with one of the other girls. When my makeout partner went to get another drink, my future wife seized the opportunity to sit in my lap and make it clear that she wanted me. Other girl comes back, gets pissed, hilarity ensues. I end up in bed with both of them later that night. Those were the days.
I'd go with the jealousy thing.
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Poker is freedom
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
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koolmoe, teach me your ways?
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LOL OPERATIONS
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koolmoe
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2004
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Aren't you gay?
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Poker is freedom
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Jishu
If I bag the one I want thats cool, but I forget who said it but theres alot of other girls out there. Im on tunnel vision right now.
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Fuck that, that's quitting. It's awesome to hook up with the chick you have yourself set on. Then your head is clear and no regrets or "could I have?" thoughts.
Like I said, easy to get out of the so called "friends zone"
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Loser's Lounge
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Okay just finished reading the rest of the thread and scratch anything I said. Do like koolmoe does.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by koolmoe
Aren't you gay?
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It's a joke...
Oh, and jishu, fuck her best friend or maybe her sister. Girls love that.
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LOL OPERATIONS
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Numbr2intheWorld
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Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,561
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Conclusion, just ask the girl you want to fuck if you should screw this other girl. Then a 3-sum happens. GG
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Setzy
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Flush
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 399
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Friends LADDER.
Anyway it's damn near impossible to get off of. Read that ladder theory.
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Save your stories 'cuz they're all the same..
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UG
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,855
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigspenda73
You're fucked, there is no turning back, sorry.
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Pffft such a myth. If you don't know how to go from friend to guy-she's-fucking you obviously suck at stealing girls from their boyfriends.
Jishu, be more flirty with her, let her know you think she's hot, WITHOUT BEING CREEPY. That is so key. If you can get along with girls and you don't have some hirrod disfigurement you can hook up with any girl you want just by being flirty without the creepyness.
And don't turn on the faggyness when you hang out with her. Still be a guy. Tell her guy jokes or adventures you and your friends went on. Make sure she knows you're a guy but not an asshole.
The thing UG suggested about seeing another chick doesn't make her want you. It's just a good way to test if she wants you. And you can figure that out just by talking about a hot chick. |
I would agree with you, it sounds like a good arguement, but this won't work. The whole "without being creepy" part screws him. She already sees him like a brother, or hell, maybe as another *female* who just happens to have a penis. If he changes the way he acts with her and starts hitting on her it's going to come off as creepy....no doubt about it.
It's time to make her jealous in some way shape or form. It's time to remove himself from the friendship by doing other stuff. Dating another girl would be best, but even just going out with the guys and drinking or being lazy and playing playstation with your friends all day will make her see you as less of a friend, less of a woman really.
Hopefully he's not past the point of no return. I'm afraid he might be, or else he wouldn't be asking questions about it on the intertron.
If he is, hopefully he learns his lesson from this failed quest.
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 566
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Alright, ive run into a sort of dilemma. Basically during school today I did my best to ignore her, i still answered her in short with a yes or a no or a bried sentence if she asked me anything. Anyways in the hall i was walking towards class and I saw her but didnt make eye contact or anytihng, I was walking at my pace and she was a bit slower and tugged on the back of my sweater arm and she told me to slow down, I said this is how i normally walk. In class I was doing my best not to make conversation and she asked me if i wanted to talk and I just shook my head a bit and went over to talk toa buddy. She called tonight about an hour ago and she told whoever picked up for me to call her back.
Basically im trying to detach from her for a bit to show her im not a fucking doormat for her shit, or the guy she can always rely on if shes not doing anything; In short - her dependant bitch.
Now she can get emotional and self conscious easily, whats my play now. We talked everyday, hung out alot.. etc etc. Am i doing a little too much of the ignoring, should I let her back in and do the jealousy thing. hold out a bit longer. return her call?
Basically im asking this on the internet as I can't really talk about it with my boys as they all know her and I don't want to make this shit front page news because that is exactly what will happen,, and I think it sbetter if i can get feedback from different people with different opinions.
Where do i go from here? have i made a mistake?
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jyms
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Tilting Mod
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,836
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Wait till she asks whats wrong. Tell her you 'can't talk now, can we go for dinner later". At dinner, her mind is on you, what's wrong and how can she help. String her along, make her impatient. When she's begging, give her a little gift, earrings, a bracelet any decent piece of affordable jewelry, tell her you like her as more than friends. It's done, you have her or you don't. After that, nothing will change if she rebuts. If she ever wanted to be with you, it's now or never.
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
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*sigh* You're making kid mistakes now man. No decent girl puts up with this shit. Girls don't go for guys bcause they're asses. They go for guys that are asses because aside from that, they are also fun and exciting and interesting to them. By just being a flat out dick you're pushing her away as there's no reason to be interested in you. The only girl this will get you are the ones that are so unbelievably self-conscious that they want to win you to prove something to themselves. And that will end once they have proven to themselves they can get you.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 566
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
*sigh* You're making kid mistakes now man. No decent girl puts up with this shit. Girls don't go for guys bcause they're asses. They go for guys that are asses because aside from that, they are also fun and exciting and interesting to them. By just being a flat out dick you're pushing her away as there's no reason to be interested in you. The only girl this will get you are the ones that are so unbelievably self-conscious that they want to win you to prove something to themselves. And that will end once they have proven to themselves they can get you.
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Thats exactly what I was worried about. I think my best bet in this situation is to see other girls, see how this one reacts, and go from there.
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UG
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,855
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
*sigh* You're making kid mistakes now man. No decent girl puts up with this shit. Girls don't go for guys bcause they're asses. They go for guys that are asses because aside from that, they are also fun and exciting and interesting to them. By just being a flat out dick you're pushing her away as there's no reason to be interested in you. The only girl this will get you are the ones that are so unbelievably self-conscious that they want to win you to prove something to themselves. And that will end once they have proven to themselves they can get you.
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QFT.
Being a dick to her, not talking and/or making eye contact with her, is totally not the way to go. With the way you've told this story you just need to come out and be up front with her about it. You're not at a point where you can really play head games with her because you've already lost the game. She's got you. You sound totally consumed by her. Best case scenario is that you come right out with your feelings and give it to her straight.....and who knows, maybe she feels the same?
That's all you've got, because faking not liking her or trying to be an ass, well, she'll see right through that and won't want any sort of relationship with you.
Chances are it won't work, it sounds like you're in too deep at this point with being friends. But from the way you've worded it this seems like your best shot.
If it doesn't work out, just chalk this up as a lesson learned.
Also, girls don't necessarily always like asses. It's true, but only to an extent. I wasn't an ass by any means and I had my fair share of females in college. I was probably seen as "fun and exciting," like Galapogos mentioned, but I was, I think more importantly, seen as a "challenge" by girls. Girls had to do some work to get *me.* Girls like that challenge, they definitely don't go after the guy they *know* they can have.....they call those people their really good guy friends, or something like that.
That probably sounds like a cocky statement, and probably is....I was pretty cocky in college, or at least projected that image. In this case you have not, so she may *never* see you that way. I hate to burst your bubble, but like the old comercial states: "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Jishu
Thats exactly what I was worried about. I think my best bet in this situation is to see other girls, see how this one reacts, and go from there.
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That can probably work too, but it sounds like you're in way over your head with this girl and you may have passed the point of no return. Either telling her straight up or seeing other people is your best bet...
Good luck.
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 566
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Yeah, I was kind of hoping otherwise but im in too deep now, I let myself fall into the friends zone and I think this ones a lesson for sure. I can't force it, so ill just say if it happens it happens.
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Irisheyes
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: over there
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sneak up on her from behind when she's not lookin and smack yuor willie in her crack. uyou will know when you have hit gold because she will slap uyou in the face , chicks dig dat shit. Go smack a hoe youn'g one wit the force of men.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
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I dunno, I've been good friends with people I hooked up with later. I don't think the friend zone is a death sentence. See some other people but don't just assume it's dead with her. Oh, and bang her sister.
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LOL OPERATIONS
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Irisheyes
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: over there
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If big red posted a semiseriois response then thi must be too serious a thread for me I retract my former statement.
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Reidak
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Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 566
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigred
I dunno, I've been good friends with people I hooked up with later. I don't think the friend zone is a death sentence. See some other people but don't just assume it's dead with her. Oh, and bang her sister.
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Shes got a brother.
Im hoping your right about the death sentence thing.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
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I dated a girl for 3 years who was originally a good friend of mine senior year of high school. People are friends with each other because there's something in that person that attracts them. I don't think there is any real death sentence.
Don't be a dick to her though. Say you had a bad day if she asks. Sometimes there's things more important than your dick, like a good friend...and who knows maybe she'll come around.
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LOL OPERATIONS
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Numbr2intheWorld
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Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,561
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigred
I dunno, I've been good friends with people I hooked up with later. I don't think the friend zone is a death sentence. See some other people but don't just assume it's dead with her. Oh, and bang her sister.
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Friend zone isn't a death sentence.
You're really screwing up with the ignoring her thing. Your just acting like a depressed, pussy, attention whore. It is complicated to deal with these things though, because usually the people who are giving the advice have never dealt with this before or don't know how the hell they got out of it.
There's a girl from my hometown that i had the same thing with. We were in the "friends zone" for a long time. Then i left home and went off to college, talking to her occassionally. Then one day we were talking and she pretty much just told me she wanted to fuck.
Strange how that works... any thoughts on it guys?
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Massimo
Strange how that works... any thoughts on it guys?
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Do her or send her to me, what thinking is needed, you "depressed, pussy, attention whore."
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LOL OPERATIONS
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StageWhisper
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: WA
Posts: 90
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lol @ boys
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I'm just a girl, you should push.
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Loser's Lounge
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigred
I dunno, I've been good friends with people I hooked up with later. I don't think the friend zone is a death sentence.
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This is so true. Everyone keeps talking about "falling" into the friends zone. It's not some bottomless pit you can't get out of. It's more like the wrong side of the road. You just have to wait or find a spot when the traffics right to cross. And if you don't know how to cross the street, let this be a lesson not to slowplay.
And if I do say so myself that wrong side of the road analogy is some quality shit to come up with off the top of my head! :P
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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Numbr2intheWorld
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Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,561
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigred
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Massimo
Strange how that works... any thoughts on it guys?
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Do her or send her to me, what thinking is needed, you "depressed, pussy, attention whore." |
LOL. i meant any thoughts on why this sudden change occured...
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swiggidy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
Posts: 3,777
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigred
I dunno, I've been good friends with people I hooked up with later. I don't think the friend zone is a death sentence.
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This is so true. Everyone keeps talking about "falling" into the friends zone. It's not some bottomless pit you can't get out of. |
Agreed. I ended up dating my best friend from High School for 3 years (it started with us hooking up one night at a party).
When I meet girls now I try and approach it as being friends. If she's at least moderately interesting (in a I want to hook up with you sense) I'll throw in some flirty sexual innuendo type comments to see if she bites. If not I say let it fall into the friend zone. They you meet her friends and hook up with them. This works well for me.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
let this be a lesson not to slowplay.
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I like this better than the road analogy.
Did you intentionally mis-spell Galapagos?
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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euphoricism
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Your place or my place
Posts: 3,610
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Oh for fucks sake.
http://www.fastseduction.com/archive...ve_mystery.zip
Download it. Read every post. Theres only 3000 or so of them. This guy is the king.
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swiggidy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
Posts: 3,777
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^^ it starts good, but...
In "Opening Lines" he suggests asking the girl to pull your finger and either actually farting or making the noise? Seems like a terrible idea to me.
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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Numbr2intheWorld
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Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,561
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by swiggidy
^^ it starts good, but...
In "Opening Lines" he suggests asking the girl to pull your finger and either actually farting or making the noise? Seems like a terrible idea to me.
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I just read a bit of this, but i've seen many similar things.
It also seems a little ridiculous to me too. I know guys who are amazing with women and they don't do this shit. It seems more directed at an olderish audience (and by older i mean out of college)
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Numbr2intheWorld
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Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,561
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by swiggidy
When I meet girls now I try and approach it as being friends. If she's at least moderately interesting (in a I want to hook up with you sense) I'll throw in some flirty sexual innuendo type comments to see if she bites. If not I say let it fall into the friend zone. They you meet her friends and hook up with them. This works well for me.
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Great point. You meet a lot of hot girls by just being friends with mediocre ones.
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Galapogos
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Loser's Lounge
Posts: 2,322
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by swiggidy
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Originally Posted by Galapogos
let this be a lesson not to slowplay.
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I like this better than the road analogy.
Did you intentionally mis-spell Galapagos? |
That analogy applies more to early on in the relationship.
Galapogos is an old Smashing Pumpkins song. Back when I first came across the internet I was a little super fan of theirs and thought Galapogos was a cool sounding name. I've just stuck with it since mainly for consistancy.
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Originally Posted by sauce123
I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
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euphoricism
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Your place or my place
Posts: 3,610
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Originally Posted by swiggidy
^^ it starts good, but...
In "Opening Lines" he suggests asking the girl to pull your finger and either actually farting or making the noise? Seems like a terrible idea to me.
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Its not. Be "cutsie". The "press my elevator button" is my favorite. Always gets a smile.
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Ash256
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,760
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Jishu
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Originally Posted by Ash256
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I read that a month ago or so with a friend, a good laugh.
Right now im the intellectual whore.. my plan is to climb down the friends ladder, walk along the edge of the abyss, and then hopefully get on the real ladder. |
I'm a fuckin cuddle bitch. 
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swiggidy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
Posts: 3,777
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by euphoricism
Its not. Be "cutsie". The "press my elevator button" is my favorite. Always gets a smile.
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Please explain
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Originally Posted by Ash256
I'm a fuckin cuddle bitch. |
How does this happen? I love cuddling and I've slept with several girls where nothing happened (usually involves passing out), but it was always a one time thing. If I'm sexually interested in her I can't sleep so it's even more terrible.
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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IMO, this whole discussion is way too based-on-logic for the subject matter. I believe that intuitive judgment plays a huge role here, and that's something that is based primarily on your own experience, and on the particular individual(s) involved (that's something that people on a forum outside your circle of live friends can make few accurate judgment calls about). Take 65% what "feels" right, add in 25% the advice you get here, and throw in a 10% random factor. That's your solution.
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euphoricism
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Your place or my place
Posts: 3,610
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I disagree, its just like poker. Or maybe poker is just like life. In any case, theres a definite skill factor and a definite luck factor. In the long run, the skilled will prevail.
Swiggidy:
The "press my elevator button" is one of Mystery's favorites. When approaching a female who happens to be sitting you hold out your palm, ask her to 'press your elevator button' and then you slowly sit down and make a "bsssshhzzzttt" kinda sound. Then you do a man-giggle and say your neice/nephew loves that one.
Its an icebreaker.
Read everything by mystery in the zip file I posted above. I promise his stuff works. He's got a definite step-by-step plan in which yes, the first step is "crash and burn as much as possible". It sucks, but once youre over the fear of rejection, EVERYTHING is easier.
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05-26-2012, 03:08 PM Australia Legalized Online Poker coming up in next 6 to 12 Months
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