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swiggidy
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12-18-2007, 02:53 AM
Post subject: Fantasy Football: GDIAGF (very, very long)
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#1 (permalink)
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
Posts: 3,777
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I have a large list of pet peeves. Possibly an unhealthy amount. Now that I think about it, I feel kind of polar. If I made a list, 45 of the top 50 are related to how bad people suck at driving and how this likely relates to how bad they suck at life. My dislike for fantasy football easily cracks the top 5.
You might be thinking: "swig, fantasy football is optional, kinda like gay marriage. No one is making you play." Except that's completely false. People talk about fantasy football all the time. If a gay guy obsessively told me about how his husband Larry liked it when he came in his ass and then licked it out, I would get pissed off too.
The time my disdain really sunk in was a couple years ago when Willy Parker (I think) had this sick touchdown at the end of the game to seal a come from behind victory for the Steelers. I work with this guy who is a huge Steelers fan so I say "Hey did you see that game last night?". "Oh, ya. Dude, I was totally down 4 points in my fantasy league and that won me the game." Hold up, you're telling me the team that you propose to love. The team that you've been cheering for all your life just won an important game in an amazing fashion and you're thinking about your fantasy team, fuck off.
A couple years go by and I have a decent rant that generally amuses people, possibly because I get so into it. Then it gets better. I'm going to the Browns v Seahawks game this year. I'm excited, I've grown up with the Browns. It pissed me off that they sucked in Tecmo Super Bowl and I couldn't play them against my friends who were actually good at the game. The driver sends out e-mail "we're meeting at my place at 11:45" (it's a 4p game, 2 hour drive). Almost instant reply "dude, what about our teams".
My head almost assploded. This degenerate fuck invited himself to a game, then bitches about when we're leaving because he wants to check the inactive wire at the last minute. Go fuck yourself asswipe. If you jerk off to your team and lick up the cum because it tastes like fantasy footbal; then stay home and be a cum drinker.
Then today SS has to bitch about the Browns v Bills game finishing 8-0 and him loosing. First off, if you had browns and bills on your team you either drafted shitty or got lucky and had high wavier wire picks. Either way, no skill went into the development of your team. Secondly, don't come into a thread about the NFL and act like we give a shit. It's not the "lets talk about imaginary games related to the NFL thread". Make that thread and I'll never click it, and never bitch. Finally, this is a huge win for the Browns. We haven't had a record this good since ~1933, you should see the end of the above paragraph.
The worst part about all of this is that no one ever converses about FFB. If someone asks "How's your team?" it's just an intro so they can talk about how fucking smart they were picking brady in the 3rd round, or how shitlicking amazing their waiver wire pickup of Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson was after he scored 5TD the week before. It's the same fucktard that asks you about your poker before bombarding you with bad beats.
Moral of the story: If you ever meet swig IRL and want a death stare, either start talking about your fantasy football team, or style yourself a fohawk.
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
Posts: 7,964
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man i was crushing the FTR league all season then romo/owens combo dont do shit yesterday and i lose first game of playoffs
god damn im getting a new hairstyle now too
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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mullet ftw
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LOL OPERATIONS
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wufwugy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,660
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1. [ ] fantasy football rules
2. beat: fantasy football exists
3. ?????
4. don't profit
5. ld.o
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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can i get those steps in an executive summary?
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LOL OPERATIONS
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ensign_lee
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The University of TEXAS at Austin
Posts: 2,237
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I understand and completely empathize.
it annoys me as well when people are talking about fantasy football when I'm talking about REAL football. But thus is life. What ya gonna do?
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PapalRage
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Flush
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Notre Dame
Posts: 309
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so i drafted tom brady in the 3rd round and picked up Tampa's D from free agency this past week to win by 6 and head to the finals. wait, what was this thread about?
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ndultimate.
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zook
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,676
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Swigs: You've summarized the many reasons I've never participated in fantasy football. And with so much more anger! Thumbs up.
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mcatdog
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 3,654
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A+++ rant.
I played fantasy football once a couple of years ago, and it sucked and I'll never do it again. Watching football on Sunday is usually one of the most fun things I do all week, but it just wasn't fun with stupid fantasy bullshit on my mind. So I quit the league in the middle of the season which pissed off my friends but I didn't care because I was already pissed off at them for talking about their damn teams all the fucking time.
Usually when someone starts talking about their fantasy team I pretend to be interested and look for an exit strategy, maybe I should just come right out and tell them I don't give a shit about their fantasy team.
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Frink
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Florida gulfcoast
Posts: 33
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Heh. Fantasy football geeks and their inane blatherings are NOTHING compared to fantasy baseball geeks and their inane blatherings. Spend a few days with someone heavily into fantasy baseball and you'll be waxing nostalgic for those "good times" you had with fantasy footballers. :P
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I have no sig. Quit looking down here.
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givememyleg
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WHO YA GONNA CALL?!??
Administrator
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: ISHPERMING MISHIGEN
Posts: 5,041
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most fantasy football players know a lot about sports... except how to play them
a couple of my friends get hardcore about their league every year, you wouldnt like them swigg. when we play poker it's all they talk about, can't wait til this shit is over.
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Get your own badge! Click profile at the top and FTR Badge from the left nav.
"The Dragon in My Garage" by Carl Sagan
I say onto you, I've felt the dragon! I felt the touch of his tail, the breath of his fire, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the dragon exists!
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kingnat
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 827
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What do you think of real life football fans of a particular team who are now cheering for their team to lose because they want a higher draft pick?
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So you click their picture and then you get their money?
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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I actually just read your post. Head assploded is a very underrated line. What a dbag though, "what about my team"? PUNCH TO THE FACE.
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LOL OPERATIONS
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drmcboy
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DrButtInski
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 9,602
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Yeah I quit after a couple years, maybe 2002-2004? There may be a skill edge but it's like 50.000001 over some moron who looks at a magazine during the draft and the structure of most leagues even minimizes that since they emphasize week to week over the long haul.
Then you have the un fun-ness of guys playing against your team and/or having to root for players/teams you hate. Plus, once poker came along the money just seemed silly.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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what does gdiagf mean?
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LOL OPERATIONS
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givememyleg
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WHO YA GONNA CALL?!??
Administrator
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: ISHPERMING MISHIGEN
Posts: 5,041
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pharneox (11:33:09 AM): what does gdiagf mean?
givememyleg (11:33:36 AM): go die in a grease fire?
pharneox (11:33:50 AM): um?
givememyleg (11:33:54 AM): i think!
pharneox (11:33:58 AM): wtf why
givememyleg (11:34:11 AM): i know not
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Get your own badge! Click profile at the top and FTR Badge from the left nav.
"The Dragon in My Garage" by Carl Sagan
I say onto you, I've felt the dragon! I felt the touch of his tail, the breath of his fire, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the dragon exists!
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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i didn't believe you, cry about it
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LOL OPERATIONS
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LimpinAintEZ
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Flush
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: working myself up to FTR fullhouse status while not giving 1 solid piece of advice
Posts: 591
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i totally understand Swigg - I am a fantasy junkie and I openly admit it...But I do also realize that it's not the be all & end all - I talk a TON of smack in both my leagues (not FTR cause nobody talks there lol) and it's fun - But I try not to obsess over it - Like I don't buy the StatTracker and try to get my family home to see where my matchups are during mid-game etc...I just check scores at the end of the night - I also don't talk to people about it who I know aren't interested in it....lets just face it that some people have NOTHING going on in their life and that is when fantasy sports come into play - The people who take it that seriously are most likely people you don't want to associate with anyway - I think it's called "asburgers" disease or something...Basically someone talks about their own things endlessly, despite nobody showing any interest at all - you don't want those people in your life anyway....that is going nowhere -
I have a fantasy story that will sum it all up - next post -
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bode
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Straight Flush
Join Date: May 2006
Location: slow motion
Posts: 4,270
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i missed this thread the first time. you summed up my exact thoughts (although with a bit more passion) towards FFB. The FTR pick'em league this year is the first ive ever played and i stopped picking after a few weeks.
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Quote:
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eeevees are not monies yet...they are like baby monies.
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LimpinAintEZ
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Flush
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: working myself up to FTR fullhouse status while not giving 1 solid piece of advice
Posts: 591
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so here is the fantasy story i will never forget LOL -
I was in a matchup a couple years ago in NBA fantasy and was behind in 3's in a matchup...My opponent had brent barry of the sonics at the time...He went up for a game winning 3 shot against the Spurs - now I knew that the 3ptr would cost me a win, but as a sonic fan, I still rooted for Brent to make the 3 (plus I had delivered a pizza to him before and he's a cool guy). So I jumped up and celebrated as it went in and my supersonics won the game, but I lost my fantasy matchup....I realized then that the real game was the most important thing and that fantasy sports was just a hobby.....
enlightening huh? lol -
oh and it was SWEET to beat gabe this week in football...I didn't draft a quality RB and had to pick up guys off waivers...I shouldn't have even made the playoffs and knocked off the best team all year - That's pretty cool - but i'm not obsessed or anything 
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GatorJH
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: HotLanta
Posts: 3,179
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Adam, Don't hate, appreciate - Jerry
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Poker is easy, it's winning at poker that's hard.
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Silly String
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Full House
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: KC, MO
Posts: 1,434
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Swigs, you're such a purist. You make me laugh. Didn't realize the rules of the weekly NFL thread.
I did redeem myself with an actual NFL take and a good fight story, yo.
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Playing live . . . thanks alot Bin Laden.
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swiggidy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
Posts: 3,777
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Silly String
Swigs, you're such a purist. You make me laugh. Didn't realize the rules of the weekly NFL thread.
I did redeem myself with an actual NFL take and a good fight story, yo.
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ya, nothing personal. You were just in the right/wrong place at the wrong/right time. You should feel honored to forever be immortalized in my anti-fantasy football rant. I've already shared the addition with 2 people 
Bonus points:
too much focus on 3rd receivers & backup running backs because the starters are LDO.
yeah, it was die in a grease fire, I couldn't think of anything that wasn't insanley vulgar. Title changes are teh ghey otherwize it would be "Deep thoughts, by Swig: Fantasy Football"
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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vqc
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,427
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by LimpinAintEZ
But I try not to obsess over it - Like I don't buy the StatTracker and try to get my family home to see where my matchups are during mid-game etc
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in in a fantasy hockey league.
I bought stat tracker.
It has been detrimental to my life.
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Trikflow77
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: im so asian
Posts: 1,460
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i love FF and will be winning the FTR league, sorry LimpinAintEZ. There is a skill to it, its fun, and it actually makes me watch more sports than i already do. Look at the teams in the FTR league that made the playoffs, they all did well adapting during the season and keeping a solid team week in and week out. That being said, i would be super pissed if someone did that to me swigg.
oh yeah..........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA gabe, i was looking forward to whooping your ass in the superbowl.
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mcatdog
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 3,654
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This is one of my favorite threads ever on FTR so I'm bumping it in honor of the NCAA Tournament. I'm not much of a college sports fan in general because the pro game is a million times better. But I have to admit the first weekend of the tournament would be pretty exciting IF EVERYONE WOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR FUCKING BRACKETS. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR BRACKET EXCEPT YOU. I love watching sports and talking about sports but if you try to talk about an NCAA tournament game there's a 100% chance that someone will mention who they took in their $2 pool that if they come in first they might have enough money to go to TGI Friday's. I don't give a shit about your pool, I don't give a shit that you've probably never seen the majority of these teams play and picked your teams by which team's name sounds cooler, talk about the game ffs.
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UG
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,855
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by mcatdog
This is one of my favorite threads ever on FTR so I'm bumping it in honor of the NCAA Tournament. I'm not much of a college sports fan in general because the pro game is a million times better. But I have to admit the first weekend of the tournament would be pretty exciting IF EVERYONE WOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR FUCKING BRACKETS. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR BRACKET EXCEPT YOU. I love watching sports and talking about sports but if you try to talk about an NCAA tournament game there's a 100% chance that someone will mention who they took in their $2 pool that if they come in first they might have enough money to go to TGI Friday's. I don't give a shit about your pool, I don't give a shit that you've probably never seen the majority of these teams play and picked your teams by which team's name sounds cooler, talk about the game ffs.
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LOL Mcatdog, nice post. I completely agree. Talking about your bracket is like talking about a bad beat. Everyone has a story to tell and I don't want to hear about it, dammit.
Also: Swiggidy does GDIAGF stand for "Goddammit, I am gay. FUCK?" Just wondering.
<3 Swiggidy
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givememyleg
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WHO YA GONNA CALL?!??
Administrator
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: ISHPERMING MISHIGEN
Posts: 5,041
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lol. gay as fuck.
i had to sit through this allllllllllllllll night long at my home game.
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Get your own badge! Click profile at the top and FTR Badge from the left nav.
"The Dragon in My Garage" by Carl Sagan
I say onto you, I've felt the dragon! I felt the touch of his tail, the breath of his fire, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the dragon exists!
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WildBobAA
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lol i dunno
Posts: 1,811
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OMG WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS JOIN THE NCAA POOL
W
T
F
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WildBobAA
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lol i dunno
Posts: 1,811
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by mcatdog
TGI Friday's
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QFT, the Jack Daniel's grill gives me a boner
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swiggidy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Waiting in the shadows ...
Posts: 3,777
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a+ bump, totally agree. This guy I work with has told me 3 times the story about how he won a pool last year by basically picking the seeds. Then yesterday he mentioned it was a 4 PERSON POOL. Him, wife, and a friend couple. If it wasn't work I would have told him he's an idiot.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by UG
Also: Swiggidy does GDIAGF stand for "Goddammit, I am gay. FUCK?" Just wondering.
<3 Swiggidy
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Not bad. Actually when I saw the bump, I had no idea. Good thing we have leg.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by givememyleg
pharneox (11:33:09 AM): what does gdiagf mean?
givememyleg (11:33:36 AM): go die in a grease fire?
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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mcatdog
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 3,654
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Bumping this thread again. I went to a sports bar to watch the Colts today and I got stuck next to this jackhole who told me over and over again what a fucking genius he was for drafting Arian Foster. He shouldn't be too excited because it was just the Colts defense that Foster did that against, but I digress, this thread isn't about my tilt at every running back getting 200 yards against the Colts, it's about how much fantasy football is the worst and so are the people who play it.
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drmcboy
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DrButtInski
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 9,602
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fantasy football - where every story is a bad beat story, you just might not know it.
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bigspenda73
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pwnsylvania
Posts: 7,546
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Mike, you'd rather we discuss the game?
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