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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-15-2005, 09:29 PM     Post subject: Cheer me up. #1 (permalink)  
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Suffering severe burnout from school. Cheer me up.

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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LeFou
Old 12-15-2005, 09:56 PM #2 (permalink)  
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a500lbgorilla walks into a bar.

















and does whatever the fuck he wants to do
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Old 12-15-2005, 10:08 PM #3 (permalink)  
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Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
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MortenTA
Old 12-15-2005, 10:14 PM #4 (permalink)  
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25 Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants"

Note to any non-Brits reading this. It's far funnier if you use the British meanings where pants = underpants, not trousers.

A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

I used to bulls-eye womb-rats in my pants back home.

TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.

Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your sister!

Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.

Attention. This is Lando Calrissian. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.

I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.
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LeFou
Old 12-16-2005, 12:43 AM #5 (permalink)  
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Okay, dick jokes have it all over walks-into-a-bar, so...

Some movie titles that might be fun nicknames for one's penis:

Gladiator
American Beauty
The Deer Hunter
What Women Want
American Psycho
Eraserhead
The Two Towers (if you have two)
O Brother Where Art Thou? (if you don't have any)
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boost
Old 12-16-2005, 12:59 AM #6 (permalink)  
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hah good thread.

**hugs rilla**
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Lukie
Old 12-16-2005, 01:46 AM #7 (permalink)  
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 Steelers 21, Bears 9
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Old 12-16-2005, 01:47 AM     Post subject: Re: Cheer me up. #8 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Suffering severe burnout from school. Cheer me up.
Watch some porn. Especially the lesbian variety.
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-16-2005, 01:47 AM #9 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Steelers 21, Bears 9
Big Ben's Thumb. Lig damage.

He's only got like 1 more season in him. :(

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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Lukie
Old 12-16-2005, 01:49 AM #10 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Steelers 21, Bears 9
Big Ben's Thumb. Lig damage.

He's only got like 1 more season in him.
Think of the miracles of modern day medicine. He may be one of those guys that are just always injured in the NFL, but I think it's too early to tell yet.
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-16-2005, 01:50 AM #11 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Steelers 21, Bears 9
Big Ben's Thumb. Lig damage.

He's only got like 1 more season in him.
Think of the miracles of modern day medicine. He may be one of those guys that are just always injured in the NFL, but I think it's too early to tell yet.
WE NEED HIM TO WIN FOOTBALL GAMES

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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Lukie
Old 12-16-2005, 01:50 AM #12 (permalink)  
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 *pats the furry 'ol rilla on the back*
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Lukie
Old 12-16-2005, 01:51 AM #13 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Steelers 21, Bears 9
Big Ben's Thumb. Lig damage.

He's only got like 1 more season in him.
Think of the miracles of modern day medicine. He may be one of those guys that are just always injured in the NFL, but I think it's too early to tell yet.
WE NEED HIM TO WIN FOOTBALL GAMES
damnit rilla, i was only trying to help. lol.
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badandy519
Old 12-16-2005, 01:52 AM #14 (permalink)  
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just go win a 180 man on Stars and cheer yourself up
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-16-2005, 01:54 AM #15 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badandy519
just go win a 180 man on Stars and cheer yourself up
I can't even money those things.

You people don't know anything!!!!

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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Xianti
Old 12-16-2005, 02:37 AM #16 (permalink)  
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-16-2005, 02:52 AM #17 (permalink)  
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He skinned and ate the puppy?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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donkbee
Old 12-16-2005, 05:55 AM #18 (permalink)  
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 rilla, i you. now stop being sad, it's making me sad too



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Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
 
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Lukie
Old 12-16-2005, 06:30 AM #19 (permalink)  
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http://mostemailed.xidus.net/index.php?tt=40328&l=3
hahahah.. that shit is great.
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journey075
Old 12-16-2005, 09:10 AM #20 (permalink)  
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steelers are this season's superbowl champs. promise.
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DoGGz
Old 12-16-2005, 12:00 PM #21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by journey075
steelers NEXT season's superbowl champs. promise.
They won't even make it this year!
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journey075
Old 12-16-2005, 12:06 PM #22 (permalink)  
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...you wont even make it this year.
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worldbeater03
Old 12-16-2005, 02:24 PM #23 (permalink)  
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steelers gotta go thru Indianapolis to get to Detroit, and The Colts win in Indy!!!!! COLTS WIN THE SUPERBOWL!!!
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cardsman1992
Old 12-16-2005, 02:33 PM #24 (permalink)  
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indeed world beater!!!!!!! COLTS FINALLY WIN!!!!
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gabe
Old 12-16-2005, 02:33 PM #25 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeFou
Okay, dick jokes have it all over walks-into-a-bar, so...

Some movie titles that might be fun nicknames for one's penis:

Gladiator
American Beauty
The Deer Hunter
What Women Want
American Psycho
Eraserhead
The Two Towers (if you have two)
O Brother Where Art Thou? (if you don't have any)

that line is funny
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-16-2005, 02:45 PM #26 (permalink)  
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It'll be great when the Steelers do to indy what the Patriots did to the Steelers 4 seasons ago.

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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cardsman1992
Old 12-16-2005, 02:50 PM #27 (permalink)  
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hey 'rilla,
Don't think this is your boys' year...they will have to fight tooth and nail just to make the playoffs...and the colts are on a roll. And they don't have to play outside in the cold (that has been there weakness)....

Are you legal? If so, we could wager a beer on it....
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Xianti
Old 12-16-2005, 11:23 PM #28 (permalink)  
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Gab15
Old 12-16-2005, 11:30 PM #29 (permalink)  
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''Cheer me up'' dude your such a sad nerd
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JoseyWales
Old 12-17-2005, 12:06 AM #30 (permalink)  
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a500lbgorilla
Old 12-17-2005, 12:47 AM #31 (permalink)  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cardsman1992
hey 'rilla,
Don't think this is your boys' year...they will have to fight tooth and nail just to make the playoffs...and the colts are on a roll. And they don't have to play outside in the cold (that has been there weakness)....

Are you legal? If so, we could wager a beer on it....
Being seeded number 1 only hurts the Steelers. I'm pretty sure we can only win being seeded 6th or worse :P

Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
 
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boost
Old 12-17-2005, 11:10 AM #32 (permalink)  
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e=mc^2


OH MY FUCKING OGD ITS MY BIRTHDAY... ERR ITS SIX IN THE AM BNOW BUT IM STILL DRUNK SO ITSN STILL MYB IRTHDAY BITHCES! HAHAHAHA
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