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a500lbgorilla
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12-08-2006, 01:35 PM
Post subject: Biggest beat of all time: Im going to commit premeditated...
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#1 (permalink)
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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murder.
I have had the class from hell. Absolute, dogshit hell. I was scheduled to have one of my favorite teachers for this, Aero/hydrodynamics. Unfortunately, Marchman, an old sarcastic bastard who grades hard but teaches well, was out this semester as he eases into retirement. In was Roger Simpson, a bat shit crazy old man with no control over voice inflection.
Where to begin...
He gives quizzes instead of tests and the questions on the quizzes are a suprise for everyone. No one knows what the fuck to expect on any of these. On our 6th and final quiz, the first question asked about downwash velocitys due to attached vortices, a subject we hadnt even completely treated. Everyone consistently bombs the quizzes, so i figure curve'll save me.
His lectures are terrible. He has absolutely no idea how to translate ideas to other people. If you asked him what lift was, instead of saying "a force created by the difference between pressures on the upper and lower surface of a wing that physically lifts it up." he would say "Lift is defined by the Kutta Joukowski Theorem as the spanwise integral of the freestream velocity, freestream denisty and the attached circulation as a function of spanwise position."
He also babbles on and on about who the fuck knows during lectures.
His homeworks never reflect the material on the quizzes and are often so long and drawn out, no one can solve them as they are routinely assigned on a wed and due that fri.
All this was fine becuase i figured i was ahead of the curve and would probably get a B+ in the course until I got back my project which was an average 40 and i got an 11% becuase the TA couldnt read some of my output graphs (given to me directly from a program given directly by the prof) and he refused to read or grade any of my results or analysis.
And then Simpson says "Ive never been forced to curve one of my classes before, and Im not going to start now. Do well on the final, and you'll be rewarded."
Great, I need a C- for my prereqs for most of next semester. If I dont get a C-, it will basically cost me an extra semester of 11+ grand that I dont have. And the only chance I have at saving my semester is to cram from now until the Aero final and damn the rest of my grades.
I swear, if I had even a 50/50 chance at killing this man and getting away with it, I would do it. And I'm no where near joking.
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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also, i cant seem to get my hands on any weed until after finals... so relaxing at any point is out of the question.
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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elipsesjeff
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Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 4,900
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You could complain to the dean.
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Miffed22001
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Marry Me Cheryl!!!
Posts: 8,181
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been there done that.
All ill say is good luck. You need it, but if you do the work you always pass (assuming you arent dumb to start with) 
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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When I was in college, I had a teacher that pulled some shit like this on a big final project I did. This was a project that constituted a huge percentage of my grade. My actual score, as graded by the TA, was ~95 out of 100. The teacher decided to discount it to something close to ~15 out of 100 because of some technicalities about the structure of her class.
I took it to the dean, and he reversed the teacher's decision. My final grade, which was going to be a C-, turned into a solid A.
The moral is, take it to the dean. The worst that can happen is he does nothing and all you lose a couple hours trying.
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NWNewell
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Flush
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kennedy Space Center, FL
Posts: 283
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Chalk another on up for the "I'm glad to be done with college" column!
We all get those classes and teachers. And it blows!
My only advice is...
Does he give pop quizzes or grade attendance? If not.... I had two teachers like that for three different classes and I found it easier to skip the classes and just spend that time teaching myself crap from the book, on-line lecture notes, (anyone else’s notes who are willing to share) etc. I found it way more efficient and easier to just teach myself. Now granted, these classes are still a weak area of engineering for me, but I got through the classes so much easier than I would have by wasting my time in his class while his terrible lectures just confused me.
Complaining to the dean won't get you anywhere this semester (unless it is for a specific grade on a specific test/assignment that you feel was unfair... but complaining just becuase he sucks, won't get you far). If enough people complain over several semesters, maybe he will not be asked to teach a following semester. But it is pretty rare, that they will remove a teacher or do anything about it in the middle of a semester.
Good luck, man!! I can sympathize!!!
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by NWNewell
But it is pretty rare, that they will remove a teacher or do anything about it in the middle of a semester.
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my story happened after the class had already ended, since the final project wasn't even graded until after the class was over. I never tried going to the dean partway through the semester, so I don't know how that goes.
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jyms
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Tilting Mod
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,836
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Quote:
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also, i cant seem to get my hands on any weed until after finals... so relaxing at any point is out of the question.
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Quote:
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You could complain to the dean.
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How the fuck will that help 
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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He also doesnt have online notes. This is how i have no idea what will be on the final. Just gotta read an understand the entire book.
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Trainer_jyms
Quote:
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also, i cant seem to get my hands on any weed until after finals... so relaxing at any point is out of the question.
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Quote:
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You could complain to the dean.
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How the fuck will that help |
Guess it depends on where your Dean gets his funding. For example:
From here
Quote:
Office of the Dean
The Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health
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From here
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Bloomberg was still a mayoral candidate when New York magazine last year asked him whether he had ever inhaled from a marijuana joint. Came his reply: "You bet I did. And I enjoyed it."
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Alright, he's going to be in his office all day. I figure I'll borrow my roommate Walther P44 handgun and give him 3 or 4 rounds on his trip to his car. It'll be far from secluded, but it's really fucking cold out and windy out so I might be able to get away without anyone noticing or hearing.
Wish me luck!
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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jyms
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Tilting Mod
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,836
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Put a potato over the barrel it'll help with the noise. And use one round and mortally wound him. Let him suffer a bit. He doesn't deserve to die that quickly. Four rounds would be unsatisfying later at home when washing your clothes, hands and face. When your done come back and kill some $400NL for an hour or two, you will be on fire and hyper aggro.
GL
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
Posts: 7,964
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shit man dont kill him!
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by gabe
shit man dont kill him!
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I can't stop now. This needs to be done.
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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gabe
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: trying to live
Posts: 7,964
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ok then gl
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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drop out of school and play poker for a living. Get back to me on which is easier.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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I sent him an email telling him that im completely satisfied with my grade and how the class was run. I finished by telling him I wasn't planning on killing him today.
So, his guard should be down. And could this technically count as an alibi?
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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Warpe
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Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 3,905
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http://www.fortliberty.org/military-...silencer.shtml
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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this is what real ballas use:
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NWNewell
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Flush
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kennedy Space Center, FL
Posts: 283
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
And could this technically count as an alibi?
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Or evidence of premeditation.... all depends on how good the DA is.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
this is what real ballas use:
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More balla than beating him to death with a large cut of premium red meat?
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Warpe
http://www.fortliberty.org/military-library/make-silencer.shtml
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Quote:
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If you wish to shoot full auto you must double the quantity of internal parts and use an aluminium pipe covered with neoprene sleeve, remember that metal dings.
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Hmm, a fully-automatic silenced weapon...
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
this is what real ballas use:
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funniest lukie post...ever
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LOL OPERATIONS
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lukie
this is what real ballas use:
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More balla than beating him to death with a large cut of premium red meat? |
definitely, instead grill the filet mignon, eat it, and make sure to take a giant dump on his face before you leave.
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kingnat
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 827
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ZOMG! What's that thing on your arm!?!
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So you click their picture and then you get their money?
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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That's awesome Nat.
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LOL OPERATIONS
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drmcboy
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DrButtInski
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 9,602
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lol
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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i lol'd
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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haha nice nat..
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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I did it.
Professor Murdered
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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Good work. Congrats.
I see it says his house was set on fire. You use the old gas leak+ spark trick?
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b-rabbit
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Straight
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 207
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
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all jokes aside.
poison him.
if hes old, they probably won't do an autopsy.
its the best way.
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do the right thing.
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Lukie
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: back with a vengeance
Posts: 3,307
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just ask boost, he's killed plenty of people and he's still roams free (or so we're lead to believe!)
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Good work. Congrats.
I see it says his house was set on fire. You use the old gas leak+ spark trick?
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Nope, I strangled him to death. Real shotty reporting...
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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b-rabbit
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Straight
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 207
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Quote:
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Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Good work. Congrats.
I see it says his house was set on fire. You use the old gas leak+ spark trick?
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Nope, I strangled him to death. Real shotty reporting... |
i can't believe you didn't take my advice. although, i bet strangling him was more satisfying than the ol' poison apple trick
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do the right thing.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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I once shot a man in Reno.
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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thenonsequitur
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 637
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But I didn't shoot no deputy.
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!Luck
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Full House
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Under a bridge
Posts: 1,367
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Rilla,
I know what you are feeling long time ago I was in a cacl 2 class and it was insane. My grade was an actually 10% higher than everyone else’s. Thus, I felt that I was assured an A in the class. Turned out I got the only B in the class. There were two people who received a c and the rest were worst than that. At that point grades were very important to me and I complained to the teacher arguing that the grade distribution between in this section of cacl was non comparable to other sections of the same class eventually leading to me calling his actions un-ethical and thus violating some school policy. Let me tell you this did not work. On I went to the dean he kept saying that we let our teachers set grading policies, which I thought was outrageous. Anyways, now I am gainfully employed and I think of that class every time they ask me to donate money to that school.
Please, I realize the irony in the statements above.
In this case the best revenage is living well.
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