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spoonitnow
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09-25-2010, 09:52 PM
Post subject: Being an Asshole
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#1 (permalink)
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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When I get behind a school bus, I like to shoot the kids getting off the bus a bird and make them get all worked up and pissed off.
I like to cuss a lot around little kids, hoping that one day some parent has to hear, "Mommy, what's a cocksucker?"
What kind of asshole stuff do you guys do?
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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Play for FREE and practice your game at...
Join the FTR Poker Forum to disable these banners and start posting!
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philly and the phanatics
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,109
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pushing my friends into strangers when we are walking through places
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WeaselT
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Flush
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Winter Park
Posts: 300
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I like to yell at bicyclers who like to ride on the side of the road, instead of the BIKE PATH right next to the road. sometimes get right up behind them and lay on the horn in my car. gives me a laff but fuck those spandex wearing grape smugglers who think they are above a sidewalk or bike path. pretty sure its asshole move tho..
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Hawk
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Flush
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 367
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spoonitnow
I like to cuss a lot around little kids, hoping that one day some parent has to hear, "Mommy, what's a cocksucker?"
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I have a friend who is a Kindergarten teacher. A couple years ago a kid in her class asked what "man-juice" was. I still lol when reminded of this.
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aka_red
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: house
Posts: 903
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i constantly lie to people.
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kmind
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Not Giving In
Posts: 4,240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeaselT
I like to yell at bicyclers who like to ride on the side of the road, instead of the BIKE PATH right next to the road. sometimes get right up behind them and lay on the horn in my car. gives me a laff but fuck those spandex wearing grape smugglers who think they are above a sidewalk or bike path. pretty sure its asshole move tho..
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I do this and have had 3 bikers turn around and chase me.
I lie a lot too...to friends  .
I have sex in other people's beds/couches without telling them. I'm not sure if that qualifies.
I used to be a pretty big asshole in high school but have toned it down a bit.
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Monty3038
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 788
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Ok, mine is pretty much something I should probably be arrested for. When someone is an asshole driver, cuts me off, flips me off, something, especially if older, smaller, or female, I get in the lane behind them and follow them for a few turns, until they become alarmed and then turn off. I've many times followed someone to their driveway and cussed them out from the road. Pretty much a road rage thing... I think it's pretty much illegal.
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Illfavor
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Denton, TX
Posts: 1,152
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monty3038
Ok, mine is pretty much something I should probably be arrested for. When someone is an asshole driver, cuts me off, flips me off, something, especially if older, smaller, or female, I get in the lane behind them and follow them for a few turns, until they become alarmed and then turn off. I've many times followed someone to their driveway and cussed them out from the road. Pretty much a road rage thing... I think it's pretty much illegal.
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<3 this
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Ich grolle nicht...
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Donachello
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TROLOLOLOLOL
Posts: 849
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illfavor
<3 this
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+100000
I lol'd so hard
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[00:29] <daven> dc, why not check turn behind
[00:30] <DC> daven
[00:30] <DC> on my hand?
[00:30] <daven> yep
[00:30] <DC> because I am drunk
[00:30] <daven> nice reason
[00:30] <daven> no further questions
[00:30] <yaawn> ^^Lol
Problem officer...?
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aka_red
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: house
Posts: 903
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Sweet
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UG
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,855
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I drive 8-10mph over the speed limit, always, and if you ride my ass...I...........drive..............slower. Absolutely NOT in the fast lane, though, on highways I get my ass over if you want to get by.
Also if you do something stupid while driving I will not just toot my horn a little bit, I'll actually lay on the motherfucker and try to make eye contact with you while lipping/saying "YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID" so you know you are fucking stupid.
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d0zer
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Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,519
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Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces, while handicapped people make handicapped faces...
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Micro2Macro
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: http://three-pair.com/
Posts: 4,463
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UG
I drive 8-10mph over the speed limit, always, and if you ride my ass...I...........drive..............slower. Absolutely NOT in the fast lane, though, on highways I get my ass over if you want to get by.
Also if you do something stupid while driving I will not just toot my horn a little bit, I'll actually lay on the motherfucker and try to make eye contact with you while lipping/saying "YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID" so you know you are fucking stupid.
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fuck yeah! and here I thought I was the only one doing this
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"Once we reach a certain level of mastery, we see there are higher levels and challenges. If we are disciplined and patient, we proceed. At each higher level, new pleasures and insights await us--ones not even suspected when we started out. We can take this as far as we want--in any human activity there is always a higher level to which we can aspire."
Check out my blog here!
"You are a degenerate Gaam-balur"
http://www.philgalfond.com/lets-make-some-changes/
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!Luck
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Full House
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Under a bridge
Posts: 1,367
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At a house party this girl was fighting with what was obviously her boyfriend. Few minutes the girl and I are dancing and it gets raunchy. This continues for a good part of the night. Later on she says something like "thiis fun, but I just wanted to make my BF jealous". Right before I leave, i see her straddling her bf on one of those big recline chairs. So I slap her ass...............
He wasn't too happy.....
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kiwiMark
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nu Zuland bru
Posts: 939
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csb
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Micro2Macro
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Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: http://three-pair.com/
Posts: 4,463
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Quote:
Originally Posted by !Luck
Later on she says something like "thiis fun, but I just wanted to make my BF jealous".
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god chicks like that are fucking wack
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"Once we reach a certain level of mastery, we see there are higher levels and challenges. If we are disciplined and patient, we proceed. At each higher level, new pleasures and insights await us--ones not even suspected when we started out. We can take this as far as we want--in any human activity there is always a higher level to which we can aspire."
Check out my blog here!
"You are a degenerate Gaam-balur"
http://www.philgalfond.com/lets-make-some-changes/
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dranger7070
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Wake up in the mornin feelin' like P. Diddy
Posts: 2,524
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Your line should have been, "if you really wanted to make him jealous you should probably gag on my dick right here." Or something to that extent.
It's something I try not to do personally (but admit it, sometimes it happens) but cockblocking is probably the biggest asshole move in the history of mankind.
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Hawk
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Flush
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 367
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UG
I drive 8-10mph over the speed limit, always, and if you ride my ass...I...........drive..............slower. Absolutely NOT in the fast lane, though, on highways I get my ass over if you want to get by.
Also if you do something stupid while driving I will not just toot my horn a little bit, I'll actually lay on the motherfucker and try to make eye contact with you while lipping/saying "YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID" so you know you are fucking stupid.
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This is me, except I don't really consider it an asshole thing to do. Its the proper response to the asshole on your ass (lol where else is an asshole gonna be? yuk yuk yuk)
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supa
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Full House
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 986
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Splitting lanes on a really loud motorcycle scaring the crap outta unsuspecting motorists while my wife on the back kicks off the mirrors of anyone who merges to close.
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“Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”
Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0zer
start using your brain more and vagina less
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Monty3038
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Full House
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 788
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Quote:
Originally Posted by supahaole
Splitting lanes on a really loud motorcycle scaring the crap outta unsuspecting motorists while my wife on the back kicks off the mirrors of anyone who merges to close.
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I've almost killed two of the 'star boyz' in our area when they did this, because they weren't seen when changing lanes. One on one wheel and one trying to catch the others who exited the highway... really a risky move. I rode for years and never tried this shit.
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Keith
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,336
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spoonitnow
When I get behind a school bus, I like to shoot the kids getting off the bus and make them get all worked up and pissed off.
What kind of asshole stuff do you guys do?
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fyp
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BennyLaRue
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Full House
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 646
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When I make a sandwich for someone, I don't cut the crusts off, even if I know they don't like crusts.
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wufwugy
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,660
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My entire kingdom for the ability to be a cunt to people...
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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As I've gotten older, I've pretty much abandoned all road rage. I really never get mad at people on the road and just kinda chuckle when someone rages at me. So much wasted energy.
However, back in my "I'm invincible" days, I loved to brake check people. Essentially a brake check is employed when someone is riding your ass and you just do a quick harsh pump of your brakes then mash the gas. Following the brake pump with flooring it makes it really unlikely that they actually hit you, but it forces them to SLAM on the brakes. The "best" outcome of this was a big chevy or ford panel van.. the look of pure panic on the guys face and then the van damn near spun out at high speed.
I still find the story funny, but ffs.. I was a little asshole!
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philly and the phanatics
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,109
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at tennis matches i like to rustle around in my seat, or sometimes cough ...you should see everyones faces its priceless
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sah_24
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3-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: laclede mo
Posts: 52
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YouTube - Denis Leary - Asshole (Dirty Version)
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philly and the phanatics
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Full House
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,109
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also pissed in a cup and topped it off with foam from a keg and got some random little kid to chug it rofl...
.also rolled a joint of like blunt guts and pubes and put a little weed near the mouth piece so if anyoen looekd itd be green and let someone else spark it/pass it around until i started dying laughing....
i pissed on the mouthpiece of our school water fountain...
i used to spit in peoples drinks when they werent looking just to fuck with them...
i woudl throw trash at random people walking down the street
kinda the same as the last one but me and my friends would do drive by eggings (exactly like it sounds, you drive by people while throwing eggs at them)
i used to answer my phone while i was in the middle of fucking some girlfriend i had (lol hard to believe why we broke up )
list goes on
long story short im going to hell
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StarGrinder
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Full House
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UTG (aka USA)
Posts: 683
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+1 to the brake pump, but it takes an asshole to ride on your bumper, so does this really make us an asshole for doing it?
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philly and the phanatics
long story short im going to hell
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You am not, which is why some of these people need desperately to get even.
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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spoonitnow
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Your not, which is why some of these people need desperately to get even.
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knot*
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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a500lbgorilla
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JESUS TAKE THE KEYBOARD
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: This room is a good place to be
Posts: 8,379
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gay
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Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely.
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bigred
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PROFESSIONAL TROLL
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nest of Douchebags
Posts: 2,184
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On airplanes I'm tired of the jackass in the row behind me who thinks he can stand over our row and push past our row to get off the plane. I've gotten in the habit of throwing an "accidental elbow" to their chest as I "swing" my bag over the shoulder. We both know he was trying to get past me (even though I have right of way) so he can't be too outwardly mad at for me for my "accidental" mashing of his collarbone.
Also, 9/10 times it's an Indian dude. I don't want to sound racist but what is the deal with that?
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LOL OPERATIONS
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StarGrinder
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Full House
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UTG (aka USA)
Posts: 683
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Meh they're just in a hurry to GTFO the plane before some asshole cries terrorist.
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supa
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Full House
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 986
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
On airplanes I'm tired of the jackass in the row behind me who thinks he can stand over our row and push past our row to get off the plane. I've gotten in the habit of throwing an "accidental elbow" to their chest as I "swing" my bag over the shoulder. We both know he was trying to get past me (even though I have right of way) so he can't be too outwardly mad at for me for my "accidental" mashing of his collarbone.
Also, 9/10 times it's an Indian dude. I don't want to sound racist but what is the deal with that?
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Infidel!
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“Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”
Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0zer
start using your brain more and vagina less
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donkbee
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WELP
Join Date: May 2005
Location: so close but so far
Posts: 3,604
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
I've gotten in the habit of throwing an "accidental elbow" to their chest as I "swing" my bag over the shoulder.
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I "accidentally" elbow people all the time in concerts when I'm on the floor and some asshole is trying to push their way in front of me to get closer to the stage. I especially like elbowing girls, they annoy me the most because they think they can squeeze past everyone and get away with it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fnord
Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StarGrinder
+1 to the brake pump, but it takes an asshole to ride on your bumper, so does this really make us an asshole for doing it?
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I believe that it is a clear moral fallacy that "because they were in the wrong, I can be in the wrong and not be wrong."
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Illfavor
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Full House
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Denton, TX
Posts: 1,152
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I just use words.
I'm not sure what the fuck is with people doing unbelievably reckless things with 3,000lb high speed death machines but w/e, natural selection.
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Ich grolle nicht...
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rong
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Beachside
Posts: 1,196
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philly and the phanatics
also pissed in a cup and topped it off with foam from a keg and got some random little kid to chug it rofl...
.also rolled a joint of like blunt guts and pubes and put a little weed near the mouth piece so if anyoen looekd itd be green and let someone else spark it/pass it around until i started dying laughing....
i pissed on the mouthpiece of our school water fountain...
i used to spit in peoples drinks when they werent looking just to fuck with them...
i woudl throw trash at random people walking down the street
kinda the same as the last one but me and my friends would do drive by eggings (exactly like it sounds, you drive by people while throwing eggs at them)
i used to answer my phone while i was in the middle of fucking some girlfriend i had (lol hard to believe why we broke up )
list goes on
long story short im going to hell
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We have a winner.
You Sir, are a cunt!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Micro2Macro
hey guys, if you ever make a snap call on the river when your opponent raises you're fucking retarded.
Fucking. Retarded.
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dranger7070
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Wake up in the mornin feelin' like P. Diddy
Posts: 2,524
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Man, y'all are a bunch of assholes.
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Sprayed
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: GO BUCKS!
Posts: 3,057
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This is the worst fucking thread I've ever seen. Go fuck yourselves.
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spoonitnow
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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I answer the phone while boning all the time, idk what the big deal is about that
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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Sprayed
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: GO BUCKS!
Posts: 3,057
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprayed
This is the worst fucking thread I've ever seen. Go fuck yourselves.
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See what I did there.
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spoonitnow
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprayed
See what I did there.
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Bam.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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Chelle
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Two Pair
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: in the kitchen
Posts: 40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spoonitnow
I answer the phone while boning all the time, idk what the big deal is about that
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or you text.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bigspenda73
I'm scared of IRC, everytime I go in there Chelle tells me she's going to fuck my dad in the ass.
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dranger7070
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4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Wake up in the mornin feelin' like P. Diddy
Posts: 2,524
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[ ] good sex
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spoonitnow
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Straight Flush
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: IRC Chat Room
Posts: 5,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chelle
or you text.
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or i send pictures
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ripptyde
I only have 2 simple rules when I am coaching a new student.
Rule # 1: don't ask questions
Rule # 2: don't ask questions
I have no interest in discussing strategy with a protege'. Your job is to remain quiet and listen. I have a very systematic approach that I will share with the right candidate and I promise that I will turn you into a force of nature and show you elements of the game of poker that you never knew existed.
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Keith
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Full House
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,336
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does chelle text back?
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boost
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Full House
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 706
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illfavor
I just use words.
I'm not sure what the fuck is with people doing unbelievably reckless things with 3,000lb high speed death machines but w/e, natural selection.
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ya, pretty much this. Like I said, I was young and thought I was invincible. I no longer have any interest in instigating aggressive behavior while on the road, but that also includes giving people the finger or swearing at them. Its nearly the most -ev choice you can make short of just ramming them with your car. If you think that you're "teaching them a lesson", you're just fooling yourself.
Nowadays if I am going to be an asshole, it is typically when someone comes at me trying to make me the ass of a joke. Most of the time I just play along and welcome the joke and laugh with everyone. But if I'm in the right mood I'll take their attack as a license to give it back to them, and I'll be ruthless. But I'll do it in a calm and collected way, not letting them get a rise out of me.
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UnbelievableJeff
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BANNED
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reading, UK
Posts: 19
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I get bad road rage. Just today some Polish dude cut me up a roundabout (really bad, if I wasn't on the ball he would've sideswiped me). I beep the horn and flash my lights at him and w/e.
Anyway, turns out we were both going to same shopping centre, so I follow him into the car park and park next to him. He stays in his car but his awful looking fat Polish wife gets out. I just say, keeping my cool as best I can, "your husband is an awful driver", she gives me the finger, and I walk off towards the entrance.
Before I even get to the entrance this Polish guy bolts out of his car after me, bumps into me and goes "hey what the fuck did you say to my wife asshole". I just say "I told her that you are an awful driver and then she gave me the finger, which is a public order offence. You cutting me up is careless driving. That's 2 criminal offences to you and none to me, and I've taken your registration down, so I would suggest you leave".
Only needed one thing from shop, came out about a minute later and their car was gone. Using words to great effect ftw 
That said, I really need to stop myself getting road rage...
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kiwiMark
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nu Zuland bru
Posts: 939
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How are you ever expecting anything but a csb
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