grinding a few donkaments today - nothing like last week - and struggling with some irrational (although understandable) fear regarding cash play.
the past 12 months were just sooo horrendous for me that no matter how big my edge is, or how big i feel it is, i deal with some serious apprehension, some serious fear every time i sit down for a session. this is magnified when i sit at nl200, even though i m working with a 60 BI roll right now.
if i want to take the most +ev approach, i should be playing tons and tons of nl200 cash but i m just not sure i m mentally ready for a few 5 bi losing sessions. this is clearly weak and paranoid thinking, but it has just happened so often that the animal irrational me still fears it.
i could force myself to play exclusively at nl200 starting RIGHT NOW but i think the approach i ll take is a slow build. i ve been mixing in nl200 sparingly since starting this operation and i would like to be back to playing exclusively at nl200 and plo100 really soon.
this week i ll gun for 2k hands of nl200 by friday and hopefully i can play well, run better and my cherry will be repopped and i ll be back in a fearless mindset where i can play my best, regardless of the variance.
i m also gonna put a lot more effort into a really healthy lifestyle this week in order to be at my 100% at the tables. crossfit tuesday and thursday, light workouts on off days, and eating healthy throughout. gogogo.