Bikes thanks alot for your comments, really appreciate them. Griffey thanks for pointing out the variance aspect of this, that's pretty daunting 9 months of possible bad run :/ - but it's really useful to have a grasp of the type of scale we're talking about. Dozer thanks for wishing me gl man. Stargrinder, not quite over just yet! Courtibee thanks for your thoughts I've realised recently how true it is that this game is all about discipline. Jyms, Muzzard and Spoonitnow - thanks for reading and posting your thoughts on the correct routeway to moving up in poker, I know my tendency to go for a riskier strategy in getting where I want to be with poker flys in the face of normal poker strategy, yet each of you that are really focussed on 'abc bankroll management and no shortcuts to moving up in stakes' still kindly give me your time. Thanks everyone I do totally appreciate all of your comments and insights, it's making my current journey all the more enjoyable to be sharing it here.
Here is where things are at 1AM Thursday morning (2/3/2011): -
For those that think I am shy of hard work believe me I have been working very hard lately, before I started playing on this live poker op yesterday I spent like 3 weeks studying a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy book - like really studying it, making detailed notes printing them out, doing all the excercises with a view to building my mental strength while playing. Of course this is the tip of the iceberg re: how much i've worked at my game, in the past 4 years I've done so much to improve. I've had coaching which I paid for from MTT pros, coaching from cash players. Most of my money has gone into my game but it's because I just feel that it will be so worth it if I get to where I imagine I can do with my game.
With the CBT experiements I've been conducting recently as part of the CBT book I've been using - I've reinacted what happens in my mind when I start to spew chips, delved into that to try to find out what 'meanings' I'm attaching to the situation pre spewing chips, to find out what my underlying thinking errors are and worked hard to embed better thinking. I seriously think if I could just play the way I 'know I should' play all the time I would be a real prospect at poker. My problem is so far I've found that almost impossible to do consistently.
Why am I playing live poker?
When I first started playing live poker I noticed I found it much easier to play disciplined poker. For someone with discipline issues it's far easier to start talking to yourself about how bad your opponent is and sliding a slider as you raise and reraise, than it is to sit surrounded by people in the cool light of day and act like a monkey. This is the main reason why I have tried to pursue live poker in this latest effort at breaking through.
I thought about 5nl yesterday, if I'm playing excellently and made 1bi a day, we're talking about £1500 in a year.. it's just so far away from where I want to be. Also I prefer the single table dynamic where you can really study your opponents instead of multi-tabling which I think is the only way to make any meaningful progress in the micros. I find it hard to get inspired and excited about playing at that level
I don't mean excited in the emotionally needy way.. i.e i want to feel excited playing because I'm playing poker for some kind of rush that's not it, I mean in the respect that i wake up thinking, what can I do today to improve my game, how can I move myself closer to my goals of making it in poker to secure the reward of freedom to travel to the world and be financially free enough to enjoy life to the full without worrying about how much money I'm spending. When I'm winning half significant sums of money those goals and aspirations seem to come alive, I just don't get that playing 5nl no matter how many bi's I win.
Thirdly I just really enjoy playing live, I enjoy the conversations you get to have, I enjoy watching games unfold, I enjoy the atmosphere in a live card room. You just don't get that playing in a corner of your house / bedroom.
They are the main three reasons I would love to make it playing live.
Summary of today
Today after I bought a jacket I needed for £30 (current one was broken) - I was left with £180. so just under 1bi for 200nl.
I only had about 4-5 hours sleep last night, and didn't get a chance to check in here to read the comments before I went to work this morning. I decided while at work when I had finished I was going to go back to the poker room and just see what I could do, if I could make some kind of progress. I thought it was worth the risk to me to risk my £180 I had left (I had already paid all my bills for the month, rent, and bought my travel etc and food) - on the prospect of getting my poker plans back on track, because the alternative was to just have £180 and when I looked at it like that it seemed like an easy decision. The possibility of the life I'm trying to build for myself from poker is infinitely more valuable to me than £180.
On the way to the cardroom I was thinking hard about my best strategy. I knew I had to be on my game (and of course need luck with 1bi) - but I had to do everything I could to give myself the best chance of success, or I would be facing at least a month until I could play again. I decided on shortstacking, because this would effectively give me 3bis instead of 1 (3x50's) - I've never shortstacked before but it seemed like a no brainer given the amount of money I had.
I cashed 150 pound for chips and sat with 50 at the table, I waited for a while and then got a position I thought had to be a good spot, a fairly loose player raised to £10 from ep, and mp(ish) called, I shoved my 50 from the SB with 77. My thinking was that I have some fold equity and at worse I thought I'd be flipping on average. They both ended up calling me and one of them had QK pf, which connected with the flop and that was the first 50 down.
I rebuy with my second £50. About ten hands later I pick up TT, this time there's a £5 straddle, and 4 callers, I'm in LP this time and shove. I get called by AJ and it hits the flop and now I'm down to my final 50.
At this point I was still feeling calm, still trying my hardest to remain focussed and just play as well as I could. My next spot came when we had a raise to 6 (from same guy that called my 77's with QK earlier) and he was called by two other people I have position again and shoved my 50 over them with AQ(o). First guy calls me and his pf callers folded. He turns over A8 flop misses both of us and... turn is a blank... and river is.... blank and my AQ holds. Now I have just over £100 in front of me. I managed to build this up to £180 over the course of next 30-40 minutes or so.
Now I have all my bankroll on the table. I knew I had to change this situation. So I entered a small (20 runner) £15 rebuy turbo sng. They have a rule if you go to another table you have to take all your chips you can't take any away but I knew if I played the sng, I could start again when I bust. I played that for 1.5 hours, played well and ended up finishing after the addon period. I had just used 1 buy in and 1 addon so £30. During the break of this tournament I took a walk outside in the fresh air, reminding myself to just play well, and not let myself start playing outside of my best play.
Last buy in (£50)
After the sng I cashed £150 (about all I had left spare cash wise for this entire month) for chips and went to another cash table, so far I'm about even (profit from cash game at start of session paid for sng). I sat down with 50 and went into shortstack mode. Thankfully this time my initial 50 survived, and despite being on a very tight table I managed to get it up to about 120. I then moved tables as that table was pretty solid. Cut a long story short I managed to get that 120 up over the course of the next 2 hours or so to 470. So when I subtracted my £50 bi, I was up just over 2bi's. I had this feeling I should go (it was getting late) and I played another hand, I then remembered this was the same feeling I had yesterday before I started spewing all my chips away. So next hand I left. I'm very pleased with my discipline.I left because I knew it was the right thing to do even though I wanted to win more money, so this is progress. I now have £600.
I'm not too sure how to proceed now, I think it would probabally be best to shortstack and try to grind a bi or 2 up from a shortstack buy in, until I've done it enough to have maybe 10bi's? then start buying in full? Not sure what you guys think.
Thanks for reading everyone, gl at the tables