4-of-a-Kind
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,068
|
|
Poker: The Crazy Bitch
Part II in an inspirational series about poker.
There's an old joke about the difference between a slut and a bitch. A slut will sleep with anyone. A bitch will sleep with anyone but you. For the beginner, poker can be like trying to score with some superhot chick so evil she'll sleep with your best friend - or your worst enemy - just to wind you up. Poker is cold-hearted. A love 'em and leave 'em whore. A game where it can seem like every dumbass but you is scoring with her.
Poker is ungentle, like the Buck Cherry song says:
Quote:
You're a crazy bitch
But you f**k so good I'm on top of it
I dream of doing you all night
Scratches all down my back - I keep right on
|
I love this game.
To be good at this game, you gotta like it rough. Here are some lessons I've learned about the crazy bitch we call poker.
1. Poker will screw you over.
Poker was invented by tough-as-nails riverboat gamblers, professionals at taking people's money. NLH is the most highly refined instrument professional poker players have come up with to part the less skillful from their cash - and have them like it. The key to any money-stealing gambling game (like slots) is the high variance. The naive player has a small negative expectation but such high variance that he or she can play for hours and hours and still be ahead, despite horrific play. The high variance masks the overall losing trend. The down side, for the good players at least, is that while they have a small positive expectation, they can also be visited by the high variance and lose for hours and hours, despite heroic play.
You've got to understand this if you're going to win at poker. The pros who invented it did not want poker to be fair in the short term - they designed it to pay off the fish a lot. They did it on purpose, to lure the fish into playing for more money than they should and to keep them playing long after they should have quit. But all that combines to kick you in the balls some nights, even when you're playing well. You have to expect to get roughed up. You have to expect that whore to visit everyone at the table but you some nights. The bad beats keep the fish swimming happily, but they hit you, too. They're the precise part of the game meticulously designed to part people from their money. You gotta get used to it. Heck, you gotta like it - really like it - rough.
2. Poker is a tease - not a slut.
Poker is great at throwing wads of cash at new naive players, making them think that they're good players. Poker is also ruthless at extracting cash from players - most players - over the long run. Think about this: 90% of all poker players lose more money than they win in their lives. Even talented players who start off successfully often move up too high, and find games filled with pros and solid players they can't beat. Instead of moving down a level or two, they donk off all their cash and then some. Happens every day. Know this: poker isn't sleeping around with everyone in the world but you.
At the bottom of its dark and dangerous soul, NLH is about skill. It's a professional gambler's game, where the pros who understand the game make money by playing it well. These pros much prefer stud-style games where the majority of all players' hands are exposed. They don't like the old "draw poker" games where none of the cards are showing. With tons of information about the possible hands available, the game boils down to high quality decisions. NLH has plenty of information available for the skillful to exploit. At the end of the road, only a very few succeed. The rest are chasing a chick who will never give it up for them.
3. Winning at poker is amazing fun.
Almost as good as sex. Well, not really, but it's a thrill. And here's the beautiful thing about understanding the poker bitch: let her work for you. Let that streetwalking whore go attract all the bums and losers to your tables. How many people would be willing play basketball against Michael Jordon - for money - over and over and over? Well, no one in their right mind except maybe a half dozen superstars. But that same talent/skill differential exists in poker, and weak players are lining up to face off against the top players around. To give away their cash.
Why? Because the crazy poker bitch is showing some leg, some cleavage, promising thrills. And when you sit down with a solid bankroll behind you and enough talent and skill and chips in front of you, you profit from this game. And that little hottie who was flauntin' it all over town, bringin' in the johns hopin' to score? Yeah, she's headed home with you tonight.
And the scratches all down your back? Keep right on.
Let's go win some money at poker.
Robb
The author is a poker enthusiast, not a poker expert. And is probably full of crap.
|