| Author |
Message |
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 11:29am Post subject:
|
 |
|
Full House
Joined: 12 Jan 2005
Posts: 1461
WPP: 122
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
|
|
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
Ripping it back off.
What's red and white and sits in the corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 11:33am Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 02 May 2006
Posts: 3727
WPP: 62
Location: looking for a coach
|
|
| Trainer_jyms wrote: | What do you tell a women with two black eyes.
Nothing, you already told her twice. |
classic |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 11:33am Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
Posts: 708
WPP: 97
Location: South Bend IN
|
|
| KY_Ace wrote: | What is this obsession with dead babies???
I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies?? |
I have to agree here as well. I dont know how anyone can find these even remotely funny. Its somewhat disturbing if you ask me. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 12:24pm Post subject:
|
|
|
HABITUAL LINE-STEPPER
Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 5253
WPP: 73
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA
|
|
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
Chill the fuck out, read this.
| George Carlin wrote: | Ohhh, some people don't like you to talk like that. Ohh, some people like to shut you up for saying those things. You know that. Lots of people. Lots of groups in this country want to tell you how to talk. Tell you what you can't talk about. Well, sometimes they'll say, well you can talk about something but you can't joke about it. Say you can't joke about something because it's not funny. Comedians run into that shit all the time.
Like rape. They'll say, "you can't joke about rape. Rape's not funny." I say, "fuck you, I think it's hilarious. How do you like that?" I can prove to you that rape is funny. Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. See, hey why do you think they call him "Porky," eh? I know what you're going to say. "Elmer was asking for it. Elmer was coming on to Porky. Porky couldn't help himself, he got a hard- on, he got horney, he lost control, he went out of his mind." A lot of men talk like that. A lot of men think that way. They think it's the woman's fault. They like to blame the rape on the woman. Say, "she had it coming, she was wearing a short skirt." These guys think women ought to go to prison for being cock teasers. Don't seem fair to me. Don't seem right, but you can joke about it.
I believe you can joke about anything. It all depends on how you construct the joke. What the exaggeration is. What the exaggeration is. Because every joke needs one exaggeration. Every joke needs one thing to be way out of proportion. | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 12:32pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 1340
WPP: 125
Location: Nest of Douchebags
|
|
| dsmrolla06 wrote: | | KY_Ace wrote: | What is this obsession with dead babies???
I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies?? |
I have to agree here as well. I dont know how anyone can find these even remotely funny. Its somewhat disturbing if you ask me. |
No one's asking for opinions on jokes, just jokes.
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 12:39pm Post subject:
|
|
|
One Pair
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 24
WPP: 79
|
|
| dsmrolla06 wrote: | | KY_Ace wrote: | What is this obsession with dead babies???
I have a pretty raunchy sense of humor, I don't even get too offended by racist jokes, or religious jokes as long as they're al in good fun but DEAD BABIES WTF!!!! I supose some people thinK it's funny because it's unexpected but C'mon man, DEAD BABIES?? That's some depressing shit. Can you imaging waiting 9 months for your child to be born and it dies?? With the 100s of viewers on this forum, that's likely happened to one of them, babies do die and those babies have parents. Is it too much to ask that you joke about everything except dead babies?? |
I have to agree here as well. I dont know how anyone can find these even remotely funny. Its somewhat disturbing if you ask me. |
if one thing is ok to make fun of...everything is ok to make fun of, so just for our dead baby haters, heres a surplus:
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
and finally....
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 12:42pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 1340
WPP: 125
Location: Nest of Douchebags
|
|
You took them from the same site as me!!!
Crap, I need a joke....Rilla's SEX LIFE LOLOLOLO |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 12:54pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Straight
Joined: 24 Dec 2004
Posts: 236
WPP: 263
|
|
A guy keeps losing weight no matter how much he eats. He goes to the doctor. The doctor examines him and says, "You have a tapeworm."
"Is that a serious problem?"
Doctor says, "No, come back tomorrow and bring an apple and a cookie."
The guy returns the next day with an apple and a cookie.
Doctor says, "Drop your pants and bend over on the examination table."
The guy does so and the doctor quick shoves the apple up his ass. The guy lets out a groan but the doctor tells hm to hold still. About 30 seconds later the doctor shoves the cookie up his ass, to the sound of the man groaning uncomfortably.
"Is that it?", ask the man.
Doctor says, "No, come back again tomorrow with an apple and a cookie."
The guy does this and the uncomfortable process is repeated, first the apple and then 30 seconds later, the cookie.
"Okay, I'm I cured now?"
"No, come back tomorrow. Same deal, bring an apple and a cookie."
And the painful processes plays out for a third day; first the apple and 30 seconds later, the cookie.
"Doc, I can't take this another day."
"Not a problem. Come back tomorrow, but bring an apple and a hammer".
So the guy returns the next day with an apple and a hammer. He drops his pants and the doctor shoves the apple up his ass as before.
About a minute passes...
The tapeworm sticks his head out and says, "Hey! Where's my cookie?"
Doctor takes the hammer and --- WHAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!
"There, you're cured." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 1:08pm Post subject:
|
|
|
One Pair
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 24
WPP: 79
|
|
| does womens rights count as a joke? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 1:15pm Post subject:
|
|
|
HABITUAL LINE-STEPPER
Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 5253
WPP: 73
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA
|
|
Why does a rancher fuck his sheep at the edge of a cliff?
It's so the sheep will push back. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 1:58pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Posts: 858
WPP: 114
Location: Hartford, CT
|
|
| Renton wrote: | Why does a rancher fuck his sheep at the edge of a cliff?
It's so the sheep will push back. |
erm, this guy I know said if you put them up against a pond, it works also.
maybe thats why every farm has a pond?hmmmmmmmmmmm.. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 3:51pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 1340
WPP: 125
Location: Nest of Douchebags
|
|
The ultimate dead baby joke.
How do you fit 200 dead babies into a barrell?
A blender.
How you you get them out of the barrell?
Doritos. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri, 18 Aug 2006, 11:29pm Post subject:
|
|
|
One Pair
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 24
WPP: 79
|
|
hahaha amazing big red, ive heard em before but they are still classic....
why dont women wear watches?
theres a perfectly good clock on the stove.
How do you make a nigger drown?
Pop his lips (im black so any black people offended by this shut up)
Why are more black people hit by cars during snow?
they are easier to see. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat, 19 Aug 2006, 12:34am Post subject:
|
|
|
Straight
Joined: 17 Jun 2006
Posts: 144
WPP: 154
Location: On the grind slavin' daily.
|
|
My personal favorite is a classic, but still funny.
Why are black people getting stronger?
TVs are getting heavier. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat, 19 Aug 2006, 1:32am Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 3248
WPP: 167
Location: at the gym
|
|
A blonde walks into a library. After some searching around, she goes up to the librarian and she says, "hi, can I have a burger and some fries?"
[that's not the joke you effing morons]
The librarian, stunned, says, excuse me ma'am, this is a library!
So the blonde abruptly apologizes and whispers in her quiet voice, "oh, excuse me, can I have a burger and some fries?"
MWAHHAHAHHAHAHA |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat, 19 Aug 2006, 1:32am Post subject:
|
|
|
One Pair
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 24
WPP: 79
|
|
whats long black and smelly?
the unemployment line |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat, 19 Aug 2006, 2:34pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Flush
Joined: 08 Dec 2005
Posts: 296
WPP: 90
|
|
A father and his 6 year old son are walking home from school and the boy sees two dogs going at it. The son asks his dad, "what are they doing?". Dad replies "they're making puppies."
Later that evening, the boy wakes in the middle of the night and wanders into his parents bedroom. As he turns on the light, he sees mom and dad going at it. The boy asks his dad "what are you doing?" The dad replies "making babies son."
The boy replies "well roll mom over ... I'd rather have puppies." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 9:25am Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Posts: 858
WPP: 114
Location: Hartford, CT
|
|
This black guy walks into the Unemployment line after he has been on disability and shit his whole life, He tells the guy behind the counter that he is ready to work and wants a Job.
The unemployment officer says he has just the job for him..and explains..
the salary starts at $100,000
He only has to work 3 days a week
It has Full medical benefits
8 weeks vacation per year.
he goes on and on..............
then the Black dude says, Oh common man, your pulling my leg.
and the unemployment officer says,
Well YOU started it.. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 4:47pm Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 20 Dec 2003
Posts: 1943
WPP: 78
|
|
What do all of the women in a battered womans shelter have in common?
Not a single fucking one of them listen. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 4:58pm Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 20 Dec 2003
Posts: 1943
WPP: 78
|
|
| bigred wrote: | The ultimate dead baby joke.
How do you fit 200 dead babies into a barrell?
A blender.
How you you get them out of the barrell?
Doritos. |
I know i'm susposed to reply with a joke, but that one just took the breath out of me, i'm at a complete loss... nice |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 7:19pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 21 Dec 2005
Posts: 858
WPP: 77
Location: Your loosing, lolololololololololol
|
|
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
As punishment for not finishing its plate of sperm. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 10:28pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Two Pair
Joined: 04 Aug 2005
Posts: 42
WPP: 321
|
|
Why is Michael Jackson like Mcdonalds?
They both put 40 year old meat in 10 year old buns. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 10:34pm Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Posts: 3273
WPP: 106
Location: Not too busy singing, just monkeying around
|
|
What do you do if your women comes out of the kitchen with a black eye?
Hit her in the other eye
| Trainer_jyms wrote: | What do you tell a women with two black eyes.
Nothing, you already told her twice. | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 11:21pm Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 3248
WPP: 167
Location: at the gym
|
|
| So this one time I was playing with this one guy at party 2/4NL. I flopped a set which he bet at and I raised. I heard shouting coming through my monitor! I can't remember exactly, but it sounded something like "OH WOW, NO FEAR, NO FEAR AT ALL!! AHHH GODDAMNIT I'M GOING ALL-IN". Sure enough, all $700 of his chips go in the middle, and my set takes down his king high. tuff_fish left the table soon thereafter. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun, 20 Aug 2006, 11:41pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 1340
WPP: 125
Location: Nest of Douchebags
|
|
| Way to ruin another thread Lukie. you suck. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon, 21 Aug 2006, 11:02pm Post subject:
|
|
|
One Pair
Joined: 28 Apr 2005
Posts: 18
WPP: 646
|
|
| Woman goes out to a club one night and gets chatting to this guy she's never met before. All night there's really good chemistry between the 2 and although it's not like her, they go back to his place afterwards. As soon as she gets through the door they're all over each other and she has the most wild amazing sex of her life. After they finish she notices in his bedroom all the shelves are stacked full with cuddly toys, arranged in size order, smallest at the bottom, largest at the top. She figures this to be a bit odd and asks the guy what it's all about. He makes a show of considering the question and responds with, "Well, you can take your pick of anything off the middle shelf." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon, 21 Aug 2006, 11:44pm Post subject:
|
|
|
Full House
Joined: 12 Jan 2005
Posts: 1461
WPP: 122
Location: wearing the honors of honor and whatnot
|
|
| tonyj444 wrote: | | Woman goes out to a club one night and gets chatting to this guy she's never met before. All night there's really good chemistry between the 2 and although it's not like her, they go back to his place afterwards. As soon as she gets through the door they're all over each other and she has the most wild amazing sex of her life. After they finish she notices in his bedroom all the shelves are stacked full with cuddly toys, arranged in size order, smallest at the bottom, largest at the top. She figures this to be a bit odd and asks the guy what it's all about. He makes a show of considering the question and responds with, "Well, you can take your pick of anything off the middle shelf." |
i don't get it |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue, 22 Aug 2006, 12:40am Post subject:
|
|
|
4-of-a-Kind
Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 2753
WPP: 83
|
|
| in case you're serious.. the guy is allowing the girl to choose a teddybear based on how much points she scored with him (like at a carneval), ie how good the sex was (in this case, mediocre). |
|
|
|
|
|
FTR11 at Carbon Poker: $50 Money-Added Tourney - Jan 11th
