friend on AIM says he's gonna kill himself

i know him exclusively from internet, and i know him pretty well for what the internet can provide, but that's highly limited as we all know.

he has long stricken me as being bipolar or something similar, but he refuses to medicate himself. over the last few months he has more and more being on the low end. things like ridiculously furious and depressed all the time. i dont know the whole story, but a big part we have discussed extensively is his relationships with women. for some reason he is amazingly territorial and jealous to point that he has many times said he wanted to break up with a woman whom he loves simply because he cannot take the anger he has over the jealousy he has for her. i too am a very jealous person, but i dont understand how it could be this bad.

there is at least another issue with him that he hasnt told me, which he will possibly tell me if he answers his phone tonight. he is 20 years old and his dad died 3ish years ago. he still hurts tremendously from his dad's death, he was the type of person who loved high school and has not yet adapted to adult life, and he has a lot of failing relationships.

for a long time he has had only one or two things 'to live for'. things like parkour and his niece. so he is clearly unhappy. he has been telling me about suicide more often lately, and we have discussed it. he told me today that the last few days have gone downhill really fast and he's gonna kill himself on jan 2nd which is his birthday and he figures there's poetry somewhere in there.

he said he felt he owed telling me this because we've grown quite close the last few years (even though just via instant messaging), and ive always been there to try to help him. part of me thinks that he just wants attention, but part of me knows that people 'like him' do kill themselves, and nothing he's done strongly suggests that he wouldnt. i do not know him well enough to lean one way or the other.

our relationship is a very frank one. ive told him things along the lines of how he's super young and, as i have, he'll grow out of it; and things like strong will and perseverance and life isnt just puppies and icecream and anything worth having is worth fighting for. but ive also been through the deepest pits of depression and i told him that if suicide is what he's truly gotta do then it's truly what he's gotta do. if and when he grew out of it he would regret it, but i cannot fault somebody for killing themselves over depression because it's such an amazingly terrible thing to be depressed. i personally would not have gotten out of mine had i not gotten basically lucky imo.

anyways dont know if he's gonna do it, but because we're friends im gonna take him seriously until shown that i shouldnt. im gonna call him in a couple hours, he'll prolly be drugged out of his mind and may not answer, and he said i could call him for an explanation, implying he didnt wanna talk about it, but fuck that i'll talk at him if i get the chance.

so what i wanna know is if anybody has a good handle on this type of situation and knows what i should do, or just any ideas i guess. if he does disappear i will shed a tear, and i dont wanna.

you should get his ip and contact police.

Just in case anyone is wondering, he's not talking about me.

he's calling out for help, you've got to do everything you can. if you know his last name try to find his parents, or friends of his, something. police works too if you know his location....sucks bro, sorry you're going through it.

jeez... This is definitely a really though situation. I think a lot of people might tell you to try and contact his family or even the police. Im not completely sure this is the wrong move, however I just dont see what being locked up against your will in the mental wing of a hospital will solve. I think youve either got to see the light, or not. You cant be forced to open your eyes though.

I definitely appreciate your view on suicide. I dont think very many people can grasp the depths of depression. Most people are under the impression that its something you just need to snap out of, something that just takes a little will power. I guess its understandable to see it that way if youve never dealt with serious depression.

Anyways... if it is at all possible Id say take a trip and go see your friend. It would mean a lot to someone I would think if their long time interweb friend came out to meet them face to face. If thats out of the question, definitely give him a call, maybe make plans to meet up. I think making plans in the not too distant future can be enough to keep someone going.

post video link please?

the best way is to show him hes needed. one way is with family (like his niece) and saying things like "you want your niece to go through what you went through when your dad died?" Get him to see that suicide isnt something that only affects him.

*Disclaimer: This could get long. Also, I'm not purposefully trying to be an insensitive prick or whatever.
I'm the kind of guy who will not hesitate for one second to give up my life for the greater good. You know, like rescuing a few children from an oncoming bus by pushing them out of the way even if the bus is awfully close. You have no idea how they will turn out and you have no idea as to who the poop they are or who their parents are, but still I would make every effort to save their lives. You know the guy from Independence Day who flew with the last remaining nuke that was strapped to his plane because it was unable to detach itself to be shot and instead he flew that shit with plane and all right into the mothership to blow it the fuck up to save all the ingrates left on Earth? I'm that guy.

That said:

1) In this world and reality, there is nothing you could possibly say TO ME to justify and/or explain the reasoning behind you taking your own life. Killing yourself is always and will forever be, IN MY VIEW, taking the easy way out, the coward's way out. You insta-lose all respect I had for you. No exceptions.

2) http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=nNN&q=russia+illegal+emo&btnG=Search

3) He's depressed and will not take fluoxetine? There are several symptoms of manic depression, including but not limited to seeking attention of whoever will listen in the most outrageous of ways.

4) How about if this is some huge sort of level by someone with a wry sense of humor? Like the guy will simply go "offline" or simply put you in ignore mode, essentially faking his poetic death? Its a possibility.

5) What if his upcoming death is just metaphorical? As in "I will die but I will be reborn from ashes" etc. Again, this could be a prank by someone with a wry sense of humor.

6) yet another reason why prostitution should be legalized and regulated in the US.

Sidenote: While looking up Freud, I came across the following

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article5203176.ece

Copy cat?

Wufwugy you need to do something RIGHT NOW. Believe me when I tell you that if you don't you will regret it. There is no downside to calling the local authorities as they will try and help him. You can call your own police and they can track down the local police for you if you have his phone number.
If he gets angry at you for doing this that is to damn bad. You would rather be his enemy than palbearer (sp).
I have dealt with these situations many many times. I spent twelve years as a law enforcement officer. Over those years I dealt with so many suidcides you would not believe it. I have spent hundreds of hours talking with people trying to help them figure out how they can find help or deal with their problems. I was a certified hostage negotiator which 80% of that training was in dealing with suicidal people.
Some of the hardest conversations where talking with people who had been confideded in prior to the act but did not act on it. The pain those people had to deal with was very intense. Some of the most common themes were the didn't want to say anything because they a. didn't think they really would do it, or b. didn't want to make them mad.
If he is talking with you then he wants help and needs help. If nothing else make a call in an effort to help those who would be left behind. They are the ones who have to deal with the pain and the loss. The person who kills themself take the cowards way out and leaves the others behind. My father killed himself on October 9, 2006. Please call somebody.

I vote for trying to get him some help via IP address, last name or - if both fail - by trying to arrange a face to face thus getting name and location to go to the local police with. GLGLGL.

Have you contemplated visiting him?

I have a bipolar friend whom I met in college. These days we only talk online.

One day he threatened suicide, mentioning it on msn. I basically tried to play psych and said everything i could think of to explain that it was a bad decision.

He's still around.

tell him it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

update?

I'll be providing updates as I can.

He never told me this, but I learned from searching the old forum he still posts on that he just learned that he got somebody pregnant, prolly his gf, dunno anymore than that, but this is probably one of the trigger factors.

I've gotten all the info I can and given it to the right authorities, but they won't find him even if they had a full name and address since he left his place of residence. He was packing when we last IMed and he said he wasnt gonna be online for a while, and if he never was again then it's because he's dead.

He has not returned my call, a few members of our old forum has left him messages, and I am considering somewhat spamming his phone. He could be already dead, higher than ever, or simply not answering.

I honestly feel like it is less likely that he goes through with it, but as we all know, even a small likelyhood happens all the time, especially when our information is incomplete.

Ah looks like he's back, or at least was. He hasnt said boo, but changed his away AIM message.

Hopefully he's more talk than walk, like most of us

if he has a kid, guilt tripping him into taking care of it is like a sure thing.

Wow.

This thread hits me really hard this morning.

A friend of my wife's committed suicide just this past Saturday. We went to our counselor this morning, so we have a little direction, but it's going to be even rougher around the house for a while.

GL with your friend wufwugy.

no. The reason i say this is although he is depressed, it has nothing to do with other people. He hates himeslef or feels shitty or whatever and ya, increasing that feeling is usually a bad idea. But, by making him guilty about his kid and making him feel that he has to take care of it then he might just gain a reason to live which is apparently what he lacks atm.

Yes, only humans

Well, you'll find evidences both for and against. The problem is in defining suicide. What animals do doesnt fit the exact same definition as with what humans do.

Some depressed or sick or injured mammals often stop eating so they then die soon enough, but it's debatable as to exactly how much that is like human suicide. It's close

So he just IMed me. Pretty much exactly how I expected him to react. Nice to see he's as stubborn and cocksure as usual

HIM (1:31:09 AM): Don
H (1:31:13 AM): 't
H (1:31:14 AM): Ever
H (1:31:14 AM): Do
H (1:31:15 AM): That
H (1:31:16 AM): Again

wufwugy (1:31:35 AM): hmmm

H (1:31:37 AM): Ever.

wufwugy (1:31:42 AM): u feeling all right

H (1:32:06 AM): Better. Worked out some stuff for right now. The desire is always there, but it's on hold.
H (1:32:11 AM): It will probably always be there.

wufwugy (1:32:33 AM): so what are u actually upset over?

H (1:32:49 AM): I got your voicemail that night, but ended up being with Faye, so it made more sense to work stuff out with her in person.
H (1:32:59 AM): It was (and still is) a culmination of absolutely everything.
H (1:33:23 AM): I can't even begin to explain. Some of it requires too much background information.
H (1:33:40 AM): Never even got to DXM these past few days. Or do any drugs. >:[

wufwugy (1:33:40 AM): u upset because of the voicemail?

H (1:34:22 AM): No, 'cause of the police coming to my apartment and telling my mom shit, and she got up my ass about it, and only finally stopped now.
H (1:34:40 AM): I talked to them for two minutes on the phone and they were like, "HOKAY NVM"

wufwugy (1:35:13 AM): im surprised they found u

H (1:35:21 AM): -_-

wufwugy (1:35:33 AM): i knew u would be upset
wufwugy (1:35:39 AM): but really, not much choice

H (1:35:40 AM): Not like they could have stopped me anyway. Come now, what were you hoping for? If I want it done, it's happening.
H (1:36:01 AM): I'm having full autonomy over my death, if and when I choose for it to come.

wufwugy (1:36:14 AM): um its a little different than that
wufwugy (1:38:02 AM): among people who deal with this kind of thing a lot, what u have done and what u did is known to be often seeking something
wufwugy (1:38:09 AM): even tho it's almost never admitted to

H (1:38:42 AM): If I made it a big deal and told a ton of people. I told you, and Faye. No one else. I told you 'cause you're an online friend across the country who, I figured, couldn't interrupt plans.
H (1:38:49 AM): Believe me, I wasn't seeking attention by any means.
H (1:39:04 AM): I could leave pages of writing here for everyone to eventually see/read, but it'd never get to you.
H (1:39:10 AM): So I figured I'd tell you over the phone
H (1:39:15 AM): So you'd understand why I disappeared.
H (1:39:52 AM): Trust me when I say it, I didn't want the attention. I've been seeing people up until today, along with Faye,a nd everyone thinks I'm fine.
H (1:40:03 AM): I put on the most opaque mask ever.
H (1:40:08 AM): You'd never know I had a problem.
H (1:40:36 AM): Everyone thinks I'm stable, and in control, and capable of dealing with my losses. And while I am a lot of times, they never witness cracks in the foundations of my sanity.
H (1:40:40 AM): Yeah. Poetic. Bitch.

wufwugy (1:41:41 AM): heres the thing dude, i cant know much of that
wufwugy (1:41:57 AM): i have to work with the info given to me
wufwugy (1:42:07 AM): so u can easily be right about all this
wufwugy (1:42:31 AM): but i have no way of knowing
wufwugy (1:42:44 AM): all i know is that u told me u set a date
wufwugy (1:42:51 AM): generally thats some pretty heavy sutf
wufwugy (1:42:53 AM): stuff
wufwugy (1:43:44 AM): anyways i was quite sure u would come out just fine, and be mad at me, but really i did what i decided was best given the informatoin i was provided
wufwugy (1:43:59 AM): anyways, great to see u doing well

H (1:46:30 AM): I appreciate the concern, but next time, don't get police involved. That will never save me, anyway. The only thing that will keep me here is me deciding it's still worth it to continue.
H (1:47:00 AM): And right now, I've decided that. I expanded my capacity to deal with shit. And settled some other stuff on my mind.
H (1:47:35 AM): I kept getting my drug trip derailed, though. >:[ I was going to call you that night, but it rained a lot, and I wasn't about to trip outside in the rain.
H (1:49:21 AM): In any case, I'm not mad, just annoyed, but not so much at this point. Police are off my case, that's all that matters.
H (1:49:44 AM): And the date was set 'cause it'd be incredibly ironic to die on your birthday. Not to mention, it would give people only one day a year to grieve, as opposed to two.
H (1:49:57 AM): If I die on a different day, it will remind them of me twice in a year.
H (1:50:47 AM): I figured that if my suicide brought pain, I could at least do that to make it a bit easier as time went on.
H (1:50:49 AM): I'm a swell guy.

wufwugy (1:52:21 AM): sweet so u used your get out of jail free card cuz i wont do anything to try to help u if there is a next time, so u better be certain that your decision is clearheaded and without any subconscious ulterior motive amirite

H (1:52:45 AM): It was clearheaded this time.

wufwugy (1:53:02 AM): i got sick

H (1:53:10 AM): Again, I had to work it out on my own. And a bit with Faye's help. But really, I brought about the change, not her.
H (1:53:13 AM): With worry?

wufwugy (1:53:25 AM): not so much worry
wufwugy (1:53:59 AM): some stress, but i was also up late two nights trying to find more info, and talking to people on phone a lot and a lot not being helpful and yaddayadda
wufwugy (1:54:09 AM): so i end up getting sick from being abnormally stressed
wufwugy (1:54:10 AM): THANKS
wufwugy (1:54:12 AM): OMG

H (1:54:21 AM): Aw, you love me. <3 Thanks, bro.

wufwugy (1:54:31 AM): I WAS CRYING ALL NIGHT
wufwugy (1:54:33 AM): I WAS LIKE
wufwugy (1:54:37 AM): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

H (1:54:59 AM): Haha nice
H (1:55:16 AM): Well no worries for now, you have me around.
H (1:55:25 AM): Alk and BigSkeptic both texted me, and Alk left a voicemail.
H (1:55:28 AM): I was surprised.
H (1:55:31 AM): I was seriously like
H (1:55:31 AM): WTF
H (1:55:34 AM): And I was like
H (1:55:37 AM): WUFWUGY WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!?1

wufwugy (1:55:41 AM): LOLLLLLLLLLLLL

H (1:55:48 AM): I'm surprised they actually expresses concern, they're both normally dicks.

wufwugy (1:55:57 AM): naw dude they both like u

H (1:55:57 AM): They were like call if you need to.
H (1:55:57 AM): They were like call if you need to.
H (1:56:03 AM): They were like call if you need to.
H (1:56:06 AM): How do you know? Lol

wufwugy (1:56:11 AM): can just tell
wufwugy (1:56:16 AM): im smrt

H (1:56:22 AM): Well, obviously enough of they called/texted.
H (1:56:25 AM): if
H (1:56:43 AM): I was just like when I saw/heard the messages.
H (1:57:50 AM): Oh, and just so you know, at the time of my away message change (which Faye put up), I hadn't decided on living. She made the A/M when we came and slept here so we could get some more stuff, and then I left it up 'cause I figured it'd make things appear normal.

wufwugy (1:58:35 AM): thats a pretty hilarious paragraph actually

some of what he said made me laugh, some of it made me think he is just an attention whore. Good to hear hes called it off though.

He's a know-it-all who denies much of his own personal reality; standard human basically.

I honestly figured that the only good thing that would come out of this is the simple fact that he knows that I went through all this trouble, and that a few others he knows from online expressed their concern. He'll never admit that something like that could have any influence on him, but just like the rest of us, it's all about the little things.

Something I decided due to my own experience of major depression and suicidal desires is that it's a fine assumption that somebody in that condition is pretty much always wrong when rationalizing their condition and even their motivations.

u did exactly the right thing

Thanks guys. This will possibly kill our relationship, but I knew that. It's a fucked if you do, fucked if you don't scenario.

right, but I couldn't really see the friendship lasting after he offs himself.

funny

its just so frustrating. nothing i can do or say. humankind has yet to learn how to combat somebody who believes they're right. he thinks he autonomous and clearheaded about all this, but thats exactly what he's not, and thats the way it is with everybody who hates life.

personally, when i hated life the one thing i believed i understood most was how clearheaded i was, yet only after things in my life changed i realized that my clearheadedness was an huge illusion.

how do you convince an ego to set the ego aside and without the ego getting pissed off? rhetorical question since humankind still hasnt answered that since forever

This thread needs some cynicism. I personally would not attempt to derail his plans. If a person wants to kill himself, then I say go ahead. Who am I to interrupt him?

We all grew up being taught the same concept: everyone has the right to life. But why should we stop someone who is giving up one of their rights?

If a teacher brought a brownie for each person in your class and said each one has the right to one brownie, should be try to persuade someone who wants to give up their right to a brownie?

Of course, you all feel giving up the right to life is more of an extreme (obviously), but why? I think it's because you fear death and view death in your own personal perspective. You guys feel death is the ultimate punishment and shouldn't happen to people. Good people, at least. I doubt many of you would, if you were in the situation, scream:

"OMFG!!! HITLER, NOOOO!! DON'T KILLZ URSELF!!"

Why is that? Because you consider Hitler to be a bad, bad boy and maybe even think he deserved death. So then your views on death/suicide is narrowed. You wouldn't want someone to die and you'd try, within your own power, to stop someone committing suicide...unless of course they've been bad.

If, in general, you viewed death to be the ultimate punishment and suicide should be prevented, then you wouldn't care about the track record of the person committing suicide. However, by adding stipulations to your perspective on suicide, your not really against suicide/death. You're actually just showing that you feel certain people deserve the right to live and certain people do not. And I find that interesting.

Hmm...I wonder what's on TV tonight.

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friend on AIM says he's gonna kill himself

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friend on AIM says he's gonna kill himself