Cheating Girlfriend?

Just wanted to know if any of you have had the cheating girlfriend who claims she loves you until you either caught her, or found out she was cheating?

Did you have any clues, behavior patterns? I am suspecting but not accusing at this point, we have had turmoil since like the 4th month out of this almost 2 yr relationship. I don't believe myself to have trust issues, but I have been cheated on before and all the signs are kinda pointing to yes, even though I don't have concreate proof.

My ex-common-law of 10yrs had an affair. Warning signs: changes in usual routine, out shopping/out for drinks with girlfriend/out period more than usual, more attention to make-up/grooming than usual, showering when she got home. I confronted her and she denied it but I finally discovered it for sure when I came across an unfinished e-mail as I was shutting down her computer in our home office during a thunderstorm. She ended up marrying the guy, poor fellow.

Good riddance.

Without going into it all, I am just using logic to come to my conclusion. I am the independent person in the relationship, while she is the more needy/clingy person.

She needs attention and lately I haven't given it to her because it's usually tied to drama, the only complicated matter is our child so I hang on until I can find a proper solution. But standing from a logical standpoint, here is this girl who wants my attention and for me to be in this relationshp but she isn't getting it, so she doesn't trust me!

When I know personally I am not out doing anything behind her back, nor have I ever. I am more concerned with college, my daugther, getting better at poker and working out and getting in better shape. How she thinks another woman fits into that I don't know.

However, I look at her situation she is the one who is more focused on having someone who will give her the attention she requires than the rest of her life, so who's to say she isn't out seeking that attention she desperately needs?

That's where the lack of trust starts...

Hm... idk I agree with the signs that warpe pointed out because I saw it with my ex... I hope it works out mine didnt end to well when I found out...

I ended up walking in on her and one of my best buddies hooking up on my bed after I left my class early. Ended up getting a good shot in on his jaw before she got inbetween us, needless to say I dont speak to any of them anymore...

:/

relationship was only 5 months old

I think its fine to be curious and be open to clues that shes cheating on you. However its a problem when you let it consume you. And by doing this you let it ruin the relationship.

hah.. Yah truthfully one of the worst things about cheating now adays is STDs. Youre exposing your gf/bf to the possibility of an STD, and tahts just so fucked up. I mean then theres the whole being dishonest to a person that trusts and cares about you.

But seriously.. I think if my gf cheated on me, and I found out, Id just drop her, and never talk to her again. But if she cheated on me, and gave me some incureable shit, Id shoot her.

Had a girlfriend in college cheat on me a little over two years into it. Was a long-distance relationship thing, about 2 hours away, but we had lived close by previously, so wasn't like long-distance the whole time. I had no clue, and she didn't tell me until like 6 months later.

just put it in her butt. She will end all affairs

If you can't spot the sucker at the table then the sucker is you.

like today she calls me up while I am at work and is talking to me and asks if I really love her, because she really needs to know.

Im like why so you can decide whether or not to go with the guy you are interested in? lol she says no because of what happened this weekend.

I went to this party (rave like) and I got hella drunk and of course at some point during the night my shirt came off (from dancing and being hot) so I came home with it inside out and all day saturday I am accused of cheating wtf! lol

Literally in my face all day sat tryin to start a fight, so I am like get out of my face I am in the middle of a Sng...she didn't stop, I tell her it's over, sick of this bs blah blah blah.

So she says she asked if I really love her because we keep breakin up and some other reason I kinda tuned her out after that

Sounds like she still wants to be with you.

Yep that was one of the requirements after our last break up, she begged me back and I said only if we go to counseling. Which I have yet to see her even start looking for a counsler, so I'll have to do it.

You're sort of right here but your timing is off. She is not cheating on you yet but where she wouldn't cheat on you before, there is now that possibility. If some snakey fag comes along and plays his cards right he will score. At this point you control the hand and can make things go whichever way you want. You can fix it ot leave it, and you know the results of each action.

she sounds kinda nutty... But I think you should sit her down and just make it clear that you are not cheating. If she cant hear your reason for having your shirt inside out, and trust you, then you guys just cnat be together. She obvioulsy is not listening to reason, and when soemone cant listen to reason, how can you, as a logicl reasonable person be with them?

oh.. and why do you go to raves? thats pretty homosexual. Do you twirl glow sticks and have glow in the dark pacifiers?

Give me her name, number and addresss. I'll find out if she's cheating or not guarenteed.

haha, glad to be of service gala, and good to see you around again. Its been a while, is everything gravy on the Gala-train?

Don't knock raves... They're not my thing, but the guys I know that did the rave thing got laid like rock stars.

You can't be with the girl JUST because of your daughter, right? I mean, you got together before the kid popped out. If you can find a reason besides your daughter to be with her, then you gotta talk to her straight up. Shit, be her emotional tampon for a lil while!

Someone should do a scientific study on the average amount of posts it takes for a thread to get off topic (yes I realize the irony of my post)

Shysti, clearly you don't actually want to be with her (if poker is more important to you than she is, that's a pretty damn clear indication), so why don't YOU get the courage to talk to her and tell her it's not working? You seem to dislike her, resent her, not trust her - it subconsciously sounds like you're looking for a way out here.

I'm not suggesting you're treating her badly, but clearly you're not giving her what she wants/needs and it sounds like she's not giving you what you want either. In my experience, 18 months or so with someone is about what it takes to know if you're good together - sounds like you've got to two years and the answer is a pretty clear "no".

My girlfriend is a total drama queen. She breaks a nail and it's like her mother just got hit by a truck.

jeez I feel bad for you guys. My girlfreind can be like that sometimes but it doesnt take that much effort for her to listen to reason. And then she does this cute pouting thing (only when in private.. we arent one of those sick couples taht baby talk each other in front of everyone) and then we end up cuddling, and cuddling quickly turns into raunchy sex... soo .. yah that shits cool

I just came to hte conclusion that she only does this so that we can have make up sex. man my gf is great...

Shysti,

I've read the whole thread, and I think I agree with biond. You've got lots of reasons why you're not digging the relationship anymore, and it sounds like you don't even like her at this point. Maybe you almost wish she was cheating on you so you'd have an easy out.

Be a man, tell her you're not happy and haven't been for a while. Be straight up with her on how you feel and make it known that you aren't going to do it anymore. The child makes it complicated, but if you two argue all the time and don't have a "Happy Home", then how good is that for the kid? Wouldn't it be better to have 2 separate happy homes?

The argument you described about the day off for the wedding. That sounds pretty typical of an argument about something nominal stemming from deeper underlying issues. It's not about the day, or what day someone said or whatever. It's about how you communicate and feel about each other. If the respect ain't there, it turns into a blame game instead of the two of you working together to resolve an issue.

You've said yourself that you've got other things in your life that are more important, and she just adds drama. IMHO, if you love her and care about her feelings, you'll respond empathetically and sympathetically to the things that bother her. (And if your'e like any other man, you'll try to fix it! Smile

) If you don't give a shit, you label it as 'drama' and go back to your SnG. That should tell ya somethin' right?

Sounds to me that the cards are dealt and the action is on you.

-Kes

Sounds like drama.

Here's my read. You said she was needy. We're all needy, but we often wind up with people who need different things. Life's cruel joke. There are 5 categories of need:

We usually are experts in one or two of these and suck at the others. We usually want one or two of these and give the same away to others we love. We we first start a relationship, we do all 5 to impress each other, and it lasts about 2 years, then we fall back to our favorite.

Have you been together about two to three years? Her bucket is empty, her well is dry. She's told you different ways. You're sensing it. You can pretend it is "her fault" for having a leaky bucket. Maybe your bucket is empty too. You gotta figure out which of the 5 things she's asking for and just give it two her. Once her bucket is full, tell her what you need to fill your bucket.

If you don't fill her bucket, she'll get it filled elsewhere, or you'll split. You'll spend the next 17 years paying for a kid that you don't see enough, and the 17 years after that, wishing you'd spent more time with the kid the first 17 years. Hopefully the first 17 years don't involve your lady hooking up with a pedophile. Separation and starting over may be de rigor for the 21st century, but it's a poor financial decision, a poor parenting decision, and pretty painful for everyone involved.

eeeee is my favorite poster.

I'm concerned for you for, man, this sounds EXACTLY like what my life was like 6 to 7 months ago. I lived with a girl for 2 years and she kept me in the relationship with the emotional tug o war style (yes they are very similar to ninjas) until one day I was informed she had cheated on me in the past. A couple of things: yes, she acted precisely as you are describing; and yes, she did constantly and irrationally accuse me of cheating when I seriously gave her no reason to believe otherwise; yes, I came to found she HAD in fact cheated on me and continued to do so at various points in our relationship. So where does this leave you? Not necessarily in the same boat with me, you had a child, we did not, and you may have other things keeping you together, I don't know. But what I do know is this: you're in an unhealthy relationship (by the sound of you and it) and it has nothing to do with being a man and trying to make things work, believe me, that's the route I went and ended up "that guy" that got cheated on. If she's in such a constant state of emotional distress/ obvious agony, it's either guilt or plain psycho-ness. (girls have plenty of that) Bottom line whether she's cheating or not, she'll NEVER come clean (my ex did not admit when confronted each and every time), and also, you're being treated unfairly, whether she's cheating or not. I'm happy now and in a real relationship, a better, fresher state of mind, and I feel more like me again, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but if it was my hand to do all over again, I'd have played a fold as early as possible and saved as many chips as I could, honesltly buddy.
P.S. your child can be taken care of just fine with separate parents, I know plenty of people with stepmoms/ stepdads. Believe me, your daughter or son will grow up to love you because of who you are: her father, whether you're with this girl or not.

Thanks man, I mean in some aspects you are absolutely right. I can't help but to think she is at times, in the past I've had this feeling and it was pretty accurate, but this time I have no proof and it's frustrating.

But I'll have to play my hand out and see what will come of this situation

I think, by the things you mentioned in this thread...

There is no reason to believe she is cheating on you. She is probley just a "clingy" person who needs constant reassurance of your love.

I can double post better then anybody on this board.

Wow you guys all sound like you have pretty dysfunctional relationships or partners.

Well when your Pimp like me you know how to treat the ladies.

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