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You Need Half A Deck To Fall For Poker
Published: 2006-04-22
 I'll be the first to admit there is a lot of stuff I don't get, but what especially has me tied up in duhs these days is the popularity of poker-playing on television.
You can't click around for more than a few minutes anymore without running into one of these TV card games.
I just don't understand the appeal.
I mean, if you find watching unattractive people playing cards entertaining, it seems to me all you have to do is go to a family picnic.
Now, I assume the TV card sharks sitting around the table are supposed to be slick, but you sure couldn't tell by looking at them.
Half appear to shop at Las Vegas Goodwill, and the rest dress like they had first picks from World Strip Poker Championships' lost-and-found bin.
Everyone, of course, wears designer sunglasses - dark shades and light shades, and wrap-around shades, and mirrored shades, all of which give new life to an ancient philosophical inquiry:
Do sunglasses make us cooler than we really are?
Many of the players also sport head gear, cowboy hats, and baseball caps, and visors. And some of those who don't wear hats wear hair.
Cleavage is another staple, which would be fine if it were just the females who were doing the flashing. But they aren't.
Many of the middle-aged males seem to be under the impression that a half-unbuttoned shirt accessorized by gold chains that disappear into a thicket of chest curls is alluring. It's not. It's alarming.
The card games are presented like sporting events, with close-ups of the hands, instant replays, and running commentary. Perhaps this is why they are mostly carried by sports channels.
I'm sorry, but there is no way poker is a sport.
Among the criteria necessary to achieve sports status is a requirement that participants be in some kind of shape. And for the record, being in some kind of shape is significantly different from being a shape - you know, like round.
Another thing a sport needs to be considered a sport is action, and unless the game is slapjack, I don't see where cards qualifies here either.
Perhaps the strangest aspect of televised cards is the trash talking. It seems kind of lame, kind of like they're trying too hard to put the stud into the stud poker. I think the problem is none of the players wears guns.
If you have ever watched "Deadwood," you know that people who wear guns when they play cards tend to stay away from trash talking. In fact, they hardly talk at all, and if they do, it is almost guaranteed one of the other players will respond, "Shut up and deal."
This remains good advice.
Contact Jim Shea at shea@courant.com.
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APS: Absolute Poker Takes the Wheel With Jeff Natland at The .....
Published: 2006-04-25
 Absolute Poker Takes the Wheel With Jeff Natland at The Gumball 3000 Rally to Race Around
the World in 8 Days
SAN JOSE, Costa Rica, April 25 /PRNewswire/ --
- Unique Opportunity to Win a trip to the Playboy Mansion and Play Poker with the
Stars
Absolute Poker (www.absolutepoker.com), the fourth largest online poker website in the
world, announced Jeff Natland will drive Absolute Poker's Ferrari F430 Spider as part of
its sponsorship of the Gumball 3000 Rally 2006 which kicks off this weekend in London,
England. Absolute is Poker is one of only ten overall sponsors of the event. The eighth
annual Gumball 3000, the world's largest cult car rally, combines Phileas Fogg's quest to
traverse the world in 80 days with a rock star style-tour -- a 3000-mile adventure around
the world, starting in London (April 30), making its way through Europe and Asia and
finishing eight days later in Los Angeles (May 7). In addition, Absolute Poker will also
be giving away chances to win a place at the Gumball 3000 wrap party at the Playboy
Mansion. Promotional events are planned at Gumball 3000 events or online at
www.absolutepoker.com
"We're raring to hit the road in this amazing event," said Mike Edwards, Absolute
Poker marketing manager. "What better combination is there than high-performance cars, a
global adventure, rock stars, celebrities and of course our favorite ... poker. Absolute
Poker is participating in the Gumball 3000 race because we know our players are all
adventurers at heart and they love living in the fast lane as much as we do."
The Absolute Poker Ferrari F430
Jeff Natland is a partner at Arizona Bay, a privately-held technology and business
management consulting company based in San Francisco, California. Prior to joining
Arizona Bay, Jeff was Chief Information Officer at Neteller, a partner of Absolute Poker
and a leading service provider for secure online funds transfer. His car, one of only 120
entries in the race is a charcoal grey 2006 Ferrari F430 Spider -- and it is poised to rip
up the road. Ferrari's F430 takes an evolutionary approach in its styling borrowing from
the new 612 Scaglietti, and heavily influenced by Ferrari's supercar, the Enzo. The
Ferrari F430 is anything but a pretty face, however as its mid-mount engine delivers more
than 483 brake horse power (bhp) and can accelerate from 0-60 mile per hour in about 3.9
seconds. Come out to the events and have your picture taken with the Absolute Poker Girls
in front of the car. All photos will end up on the Absolute Poker Online Wall of Fame.
Win a Ticket to the Playboy Mansion!
Absolute Poker is making it possible for anyone to join in the fun with two cool
promotions. First, anyone who attends the Gumball 3000 events in London, Las Vegas and
Los Angeles can pick up a lucky Absolute Poker poker chip or playing card from the
Absolute Poker Girls. Every night on the Absolute Poker website between April 30 to May
6, a lucky poker chip number will be revealed and the person with the matching chip will
automatically win US$1000.
Players can also play in Absolute Poker's Gumball 3000 poker tournaments online to win
tickets to the Gumball 3000 events in Las Vegas or to the final party at the Playboy
Mansion in Beverly Hills. There will be four tournaments played for tickets to the Las
Vegas event and four tournaments played for the Playboy Mansion event in Los Angeles. The
tournament winners will win two tickets to either event and travel and expense money for
the trip. The tournaments will end May 3 to allow winners to make travel arrangements so
they can join the Gumball 3000 drivers, their celebrity and rock star friends at either
party in Las Vegas or Beverly Hills.
For more information on Absolute Poker's sponsorship of the Gumball 3000 Rally
including Absolute Poker's race entry and the Gumball 3000 Rally Poker Tournament please
visit www.absolutepoker.com/gumball.
About AbsolutePoker.com
AbsolutePoker.com is the world's fourth largest online poker destination offering
worldwide access to multi-player online games 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Absolute
Poker's spring 'Win Your Tuition' tournament is currently underway and more information
can be found at www.absolutepoker.com/tuition. Powered by proprietary software,
AbsolutePoker.com has one of the most comprehensive, interactive online poker rooms,
providing such innovative features as hand history, stat retrieval, player note-taking,
chat, "locate a player," six-player tables, customizable table "skins" and representative
image selection. Absolute Poker offers many multi-player games including: Texas Holdem,
Omaha High, Omaha Hi/Lo, Seven Card Stud, Seven Card Stud Hi/Lo, and a complete selection
of Sit and Go and Multi Table Tournaments. Blackjack was added to the site in April 2006.
AbsolutePoker.com offers friendly customer service that is always fast, knowledgeable,
and professional. Established in 2003, AbsolutePoker.com is headquartered in Costa Rica
and licensed and regulated in Canada.
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